Is my cleaner taking the piss?

[hazykates]

So - I'm a maths teacher - my cleaner (a much needed luxury as I'm a messy bint) asked if I could tutor her little girl who's struggling at school. I'm mad busy with work and family life but I'm also pretty terrible at saying no and like our cleaner a lot (she's really good!!!) so I said yes! I wasn't expecting her to pay, if the tutoring went on for more than a few sessions I thought I might ask for reciprocal payment if the subject was raised (she could clean for the hour I tutor her child for example). As things have turned out she hasn't ever offered anything in reciprocation for the favour, she's consistently late for the lesson without apology, and was downright rude when I had to rearrange the other day as my little girl was ill and my husband away. I'm loathe to say I can't do it anymore as think she'd have the hump and it took me so long to find a cleaner that works for us - but I can't help but feel a bit pissed off about feeling like she's taking advantage! AIBU?!

ilovehumanity That's being precious. We all say "my cleaner" just as we say "my GP", "my boss", "my postman", "my PA" or "my colleague". There is no Upstairs Downstairs implication.

Ok - all remarks about my 'middle class' guilt received thank you. I come from a very working class background (although yes I know I know the class system apparently doesn't exist anymore) and I get a lot of flack from my mum about 'needing' a cleaner. My messiness is also something I struggle with and don't like about myself - so the fact I need to pay someone to help just makes me feel a bit shit about myself. So all that happy mix makes me feel a little uncomfortable - which I know isn't necessary - but I don't feel it's patronising - it's more reflective of things I'm feeling rubbish about!

Ungracious of me, and probably uneccessarily provocative, but if you do reply, would you consider correcting her spelling mistakes? Yes I know it's a rubbish, spiteful, patronising idea, but thinking of it might get you over the shakes. Keep the moral high ground

This is a joke, right?

Why was the daughter falling behind on maths?

How old are her children?

Does she declare her income?

Hellsbellsmelons reply is spot on. Your ex cleaner was too riled up to listen to your offer properly whilst in your house but hopefully seeing it written down and being able to read and digest it in her own time may help her understand what she’s just given up!! CF indeed!

I say the cleaner or my cleaner. I've never heard anyone say 'the lady who cleans for me' unless someone asks who that lady is.
Saying my cleaner isn't like saying she's only a cleaner I own her like a slave.

Yes it is a joke; I said in my post, terrible idea, but might give OP a little grim chuckle when she's feeling shaky. I would really deal a low blow like that out in IRL

Correction; never deal Now I'm having to correct myself; biter bit!

"the lady who cleans for me"
Yes, that is what people call their cleaner. If they are Hyacinth Bucket

I think maybe she's hot headed and a bit thick Yes I agree and out of everything you said to her all she can focus on is the £45 rather than the other points you raised.
She's probably going to try to make you feel guilty now, rather than apologising, as she tries to retrieve her lost job and free tuition - she has messed up but she won't see that it's her fault

Well done OP, you’ve handled it brilliantly. Her loss in the end tho.

As for her text, just ignore her, she’s made her own reality around this and nothing you say will change her mind. She’s a natural CF and I doubt anything you say will make her realise how bloody rude, cheeky and ungrateful she’s been

And I called her minicleaner because that's how a PP referred to her and I didn't want to use her real name for obvious reasons?

Late to this but OMFG, what a cheeky bitch. I could JUST about (only JUST about) justify the face-to-face behaviour by thinking that she was prickly about money/worried about her daughter, but texting that afterwards

Did you get her online or anywhere where people give references etc? If so I'd be sorely tempted, if I were you, to leave a very clear review/account of exactly why you've let her go.

I think maybe she's hot headed and a bit thick

I would say,

Hi cleaner, thanks for your view on the matter. Heres's mine: I paid you £"" per hour when you were using your skills to clean my house, you paid me £0 per hour when I used my skills to tutor your daughter without even a thank you, I don't quite understand how you think I'm the person being rude.

I offered you a free tutor session in exchange for a free cleaning session, it was a straight swap. Our time is equally as precious so why is it okay for me to give my time for free but not you? Interested to know the answer.

OP ignore the posts derailing your Thread....

I hope you're feeling better...

I paid her £25 a week for 2 hours

Nothing but respect for you OP, you dealt with this incredibly well. I wouldn't reply, I would just block. I am sure as a teacher you are well tied down with Facebook security, and if she is a FB friend I would block there too.

You started professionally and finished the same way. The door to CF has now closed.

"I didn't want the money. I feel that an hour of my time swapped for an hour of your time is fair, in lieu of that then I would need to paid for my skill, just as you are paid for yours. You don't want to trade an hour for an hour, and that's your decision but it does mean I can no longer provide tutoring services as my time is not free. The preparation time for her lessons as well as the your spent with her is just too much with no reciprocation. Your behaviour in my home today has also caused me to end the cleaning contract with you so there is now no need for any more contact."

Sorry, posted too soon.

How much does she charge?

She might like to consider that her receiving payment for services rendered without declaring income (is she claiming benefits?) is illegal. You were providing tutoring services as a favour - not illegal. You can’t afford the time, as your time is worth £45/hr. As a favour you would consider dropping that to £herhourlyrate, no cash changing hands, no illegality.

Also, let this be a lesson against getting too friendly with people who ultimately aren’t friends. Whatever you thought, she saw you as her employer, someone richer than her, who is paying her to clean your loo. You have blurred the line. If you want to pay someone to do these things for you, you need to respect certain boundaries.

I don't feel it's patronising - it's more reflective of things I'm feeling rubbish about!

Yes. The point is that many cleaners will pick up on it and take it as being patronising, and I'm sure you could do without the mixed feelings and tension that can cause.

I come from a very working class background (although yes I know I know the class system apparently doesn't exist anymore)

So you've gone from 'all middle class' to 'very working class.'

Right.

CRINGE

You did the right thing, and I would respond with @hellsbellsmelons response below.

@ILoveHumanity

OP used the term 'minicleaner' so we knew who she was referring to.

Would you have preferred if she'd written 'mini-cleaningprofessional'?