Is my cleaner taking the piss?

[hazykates]

So - I'm a maths teacher - my cleaner (a much needed luxury as I'm a messy bint) asked if I could tutor her little girl who's struggling at school. I'm mad busy with work and family life but I'm also pretty terrible at saying no and like our cleaner a lot (she's really good!!!) so I said yes! I wasn't expecting her to pay, if the tutoring went on for more than a few sessions I thought I might ask for reciprocal payment if the subject was raised (she could clean for the hour I tutor her child for example). As things have turned out she hasn't ever offered anything in reciprocation for the favour, she's consistently late for the lesson without apology, and was downright rude when I had to rearrange the other day as my little girl was ill and my husband away. I'm loathe to say I can't do it anymore as think she'd have the hump and it took me so long to find a cleaner that works for us - but I can't help but feel a bit pissed off about feeling like she's taking advantage! AIBU?!

Although I'd be dying to send a text back and probably would after a glass of wine so I'd block and delete her number if I were you I think she sounds like a spiteful cow so I'd change the locks and ignore.

I agree Smileybar's response is perfect.

Block her and change the locks.

Make sure you save the texts. If the daughter comes to your school I would ask for her not to be in your class.

I'm a teacher in a small house in london - I'm hardly bloody Bill Gates! I think I'm going to ignore - I get the sense any attempt to show her she's being a total twat will just antagonise her more. Oh god - I feel sick!

I think maybe she's hot headed and a bit thick. If I was going to reply (and id probably just ignore) I would say

'I would happily have continued the lessons for free in return for the same hour in cleaning? I didn't realise you were such a freeloader

But then I'm a goady cow

Wow

Probably not at all worth bothering replying, although I am sure I couldn't help myself pointing out that actually you didn't ask her for any money AT ALL and have paid her today for the sum total of Sweet FA cleaning and being insulted as a bonus.

She'll lose more clients if she carries on like that!

@ILoveHumanity oh ffs. I was a cleaner for years, know many others and even the twatty ones never had a problem with being called 'my cleaner'.

My dentist, my account, my lawyer, my dh aren't that bothered either. 

As a teacher/tutor who was once a cleaner, going forward I'd give you this advice: stop feeling guilty about having a cleaner. To be blunt, it's patronising as fuck and insulting as fuck to anyone who does that job. There have been some very interesting assumptions about cleaners on this thread already, but basically that attitude implies that you look down on them - that is how most cleaners will take it - and most cleaners will also be able to tell that you think it.

This one was a nasty bitch, but really, think about it. Would you feel guilty for paying someone to make your curtains? To do your garden? To tutor your child and fix your electrics? Then why have "middle-class guilt" about paying someone to clean your house? Yeah. It's not a good look, regardless of how you excuse it.

But I don’t like calling the cleaning professional “my cleaner”, she isn’t yours and you don’t own her. She is just doing a job.

So I shouldn't also refer to 'my doctor', 'my midwife' and 'my husband', because I don't own them?

Block her number and definitely change the locks!

OP try not to feel shaky and don't let this woman get to you anymore.. you've done the hard part.. you've asked her to leave... you control who has access to you... just make sure you've blocked her on social media etc so you can avoid all her entitled ranting...

and relax.. you have done nothing wrong

There have been some very interesting assumptions about cleaners on this thread already

Agree with this, particularly some posters belief that the cleaner couldn't be white British.

Ilovehumanity with the best will in world I find your reply bloody weird! I think the 'cleaning professional' has the class issue if anyone does. I also say 'my doctor', 'my headteacher', 'my dentist' - do you object to those personal pronouns too or are you invoking a little reverse class snobbery?

Ungracious of me, and probably uneccessarily provocative, but if you do reply, would you consider correcting her spelling mistakes? Yes I know it's a rubbish, spiteful, patronising idea, but thinking of it might get you over the shakes. Keep the moral high ground.
Reminds me of the days when I wrote the reports I really wanted to write sometimes, then shredded them; great relief of feelings!
(But if minicleaner does end up at your school, give your colleague the "heads up").
When she thinks it through, she may even realise what a sweet deal she was turning down, but doesn't feel able to back down without losing face.

Block her number and stand back from this. Feeding this will just make it worse.

Twosheds - I don't think that would help anyone!

Out of curiosity, how much did you pay her each week? Because I'm interested to know how much income she has now lost (particularly when she could have swapped hour for hour in a reciprocal arrangement!!)

I would text back.
'I can only assume you didn't listen when I was speaking. I told you what I 'normally' charge. But offered you a very good deal, in that you could do an hours cleaning and I would do an hours tutoring. So you would basically be saving £30+ as session. You don't clean for free. That is your skill. Mine is teaching and I don't teach for free. But I was very willing to offer you an exceptional deal so it didn't actually impact on your income at all. As you are here for the hour I am tutoring, it would have been a good compromise /deal that you do a bit of extra cleaning in that time to off-set my time. You jumped the gun. You didn't listen to me and now you have shot yourself in the foot. I actually really liked and trusted you. But you've ruined that with your disgusting, ungracious attitude. I've already given you and your DC £270 of free tutoring and I didn't get so much as a thank you. That is rude. You are entitled and ungrateful and I hope you can now see that.'

Good god she's a total cow and clearly she's got issues. You've had a lucky escape.
Have you replied to the last text?

So I shouldn't also refer to 'my doctor', 'my midwife' and 'my husband', because I don't own them? confused

Do people say 'my cleaner'? I usually hear people say 'The cleaner's coming.' Or 'the lady who cleans for me' .

There is something possessive about 'my cleaner' but there isn't with 'my doctor.'

Anyway, I've never had a cleaner except for an end of tenancy clean. Also don't know how cleaners like to be referred to. I suspect most don't give a shit.

Actually, send hellsbellsmelons reply!

I also don’t know why you call her daughter “mini cleaner”. It’s a bit rude.

Aside from that, yes boundaries are needed and the pair of you aren’t a match made in heaven.

Snobbery and inferiority complex.

Nice of you to try to help but don’t look down on her

There have been some very interesting assumptions about cleaners on this thread already

My favourite being that she probably didn't understand how tutoring works, what with it being an exclusively middle-class undertaking.

But hey, the verbatim text from the cleaner shows that she is suitably non-grammatically adept as to not understand the arcane ways of the middle classes in their fancy-schmancy houses what she is definitely jealous of, and it's been asserted several times that she'll definitely be back to rob the OP, so she's not just lower class, she's inarguably a lower class criminal too.

Ignore her now, she is never going to 'get it'.

As for her slagging you off, who cares. It will be obvious she was being a cheeky fucker and trying to get a freebie.