Am I being treated right?

[hippychick2018]

I would appreciate your opinion please. Im in my late 20's, history of a long term relationship with a much older man but who used recreational drugs daily. I was not respected but hung in there for years and years.I met someone new and pursued him. I asked him out in June and have met him once a week?fortnight, alwasys when he says and we do what he wants. He decides what we do, where we go and when. Im very flattered because he is so kind and thoughtful. he is also romantic and generous. However, and this is my problem... it is always on his terms and I come after he has made arrangements with his sports team, family, friends, work etc.I am always available as I dont have much of a relationship with family and my friends are all in the settling down stage of their lives. I have really no interests or hobbies and i hate my job. I feel like Im in a rut. i absolutely love him and would love to get serious but after 4 months, there has been no progress...still meet once a week or fortnight when he is not busy, always on ihis terms.Physically, He isnt very sexual..his words. I am but I dont mind too much right now.He texts and snaps loads.Is there a future in this do you think? Im confused

Flogging a dead horse there op

Thanks. It was a simple conversation at the beginning . He said that he simply wasn’t very into sex, he enjoyed physical intimacy though and when he did have sex, it was normally when the woman wanted it.. he never initiated it. He said he liked a simple position but never at a specific time of day and he personally would like to wait for months before sex but understood that women these days want it almost straight away so that’s why he gave in. I told him I loved sex but accepted that. He told me that that’s why his relationships failed before, usually . He also told me that the reason he liked me so much is because I accepted him just the way he is and put no pressure on him.

OP, I’ve been in a similar situation - crazy about the guy, really fancied him, we had so much in common, including quite unusual things about our past and had the best time on our dates, talking for hours and laughing so much. I fell head over heels for him and thought he was the reason I had kissed so many frogs beforehand - because he was the prince that was meant for me!

However the way he acted when we weren’t together didn’t make me feel great. He would go a few days without messaging, sometimes failing to respond to my texts with questions about meeting up all together. Things just weren’t progressing in his head as they were in mine.

I hated feeling constantly second best so ended up giving him an ultimatum. I was devestated when he chose to let me go, and actually quite shocked at how easy he found it to walk away. I realised at that point I had just been a “nice to have” for him, whereas he had felt like “the one” to me.

You can and will do better, OP. Not necessarily materially but in terms of finding someone who is crazy about you and completely devoted to you. I did, 10 months later :-) and I am so much happier than I was with “the one”!

Thanks for your response . In my case he texts all the time when we’re apart and is saying he looks forward to seeing me and how much he enjoyed the evening etc but ‘ the evening’ would have been dictated by him.. what time we meet, where , what day etc and then I have to go home because he has a long journey in the morning, whereas I would stay over in a heartbeat if asked . For example this week, we met twice for a couple of hours on each occasion ! Delighted only to find that he is not free to meet me at weekend because he has sport and then a friends night out and then more sport ! These activities take up about six hours of his time yet he is too busy to see me otherwise . Every single weekend from here to Christmas is predominantly family or friends orientated after than and if I don’t fit in around those plans we simply won’t see eachother so I think I’m just going to pull right back now and see what happens. I’m getting very sick of it . Penny has finally dropped thanks to you all

You have to go home because he has a long journey?
So 5 months in and you can’t sleep in at his after he leaves?
He just doesn’t want you to spend the night. In part I’m sure, because you might actually want sex as part of a normal loving relationship.

No I mean I can’t even stay! He also said that while he liked us spending the two evenings together , he found it hard as all his free time was taken up! He is with his family this weekend at home and lives literally minites away from me, yet I won’t see him at all this weekend. I’m really sick of it as he is so sincere in justifying his lack of effort...’ but we spent two evenings together this week..’ it’s almost like he is doing me a favour . I’m pulling back big time now and as pathetic as it sounds, I really dont think he’ll let me go as he has his needs met by me sexually and I’m a fool for putting up with his shit . I’m going out tonight with my friends and turning off my phone. My friends constantly ask me why we don’t meet up etc and they don’t buy into any of his reasons

You have been settling for so very little from this man, taking the crumbs from his table, not pressurising him about anything - when are YOUR needs met???
And not letting you stay over - the more you describe him and his attitudes the weirder he sounds.

I’m a fool for putting up with his shit

You’re not a fool, it sounds like you’re very insecure.

It might not seem like it but you will be much happier away from him. He isn’t even giving you the basics of a relationship.

Please get away from him as he will never change and if anything only get worse as time goes by.

He has told you who he is and you need to listen. Do you think so little of yourself that you are willing to accept the crumbs he gives you. You are coming across as desperate for any relationship and you should not be telling someone you really do not know very well that you love them and want children. You have come on here for advice but will you really listen to anyone?