Aibu to abandon my beliefs to get ahead. Afro hair.

[ShortFro]

Aibu to abandon my beliefs to get ahead. Afro hair.

NC

The majority of black women you see in the uk do not actually have their real hair on display. Often only other black women will be able to tell.

For many reasons (I’ll expand) but largely due to setting an example to my daughter, I’ve worn my hair in its natural state for the last few years.
Obviously I’m not Lupita the Oscar winner (!) but it looks something like this.

(Lupita pic)

I have noticed that I am treated differently with my hair like this. Often ignored/ followed in shops etc. Please don’t tell me I’m imagining this. There are probably millions of posts on the internet talking about this.

I hate being treated like this, told I look ‘unprofessional now’ etc. My hair is always clean & cut professionally - it’s just not processed in the way most people are used to.

Options.

1. Keep it as it is, be often treated badly. Miss out on opportunities. Be true to myself.

1. Wigs = conform to the ‘accepted’ standard. But they are itchy and hot plus it is mortifying if they come off.

1. Weaves - this is what the majority do. This is expensive. To get it done professionally = £200 every 6 weeks. I can’t afford this without serious cuts to the budget elsewhere.

Plus: using human hair, I find the thought of having somebody’s hair in my head repulsive and skin crawling. On the ethical side, many women are exploited to get that hair.

There is synthetic hair but this often looks ‘wiggy’ and fake, like a barbies hair.

When doing weaves on a long term basis the hairline is often damaged.

Even if the photos of Naomi are doctored, I have seen in real life hundreds of women in salons with this problem. The ‘baby hair’ along the airline cannot support a weave, resulting in tension alopecia.

1. Braids. You are facing the same hairline issues as with weaves. You are looking at £50 every 6 weeks plus around 6 hours. In addition I find that they look TO ME silly and overly fussy.

1. Relaxer. This is a process where you take the contents of a box that says ‘caution, use gloves, do not allow to touch skin’ and put that on your head. You can do it yourself like with hair dye or pay around £200 every 6 weeks for professional maintenance. That looks like this

Also, make sure you never get rained on or sweat or it will become Afroish.

1. Long natural hair straightened with straightners... hours and hours of work weekly plus any time it happens to get damp...

What the fuck do I do?

Anybody know about the evolution of hair? Why is white hair different to black hair? I read once a theory about how the first black humans who came from Africa travelled to Europe on turned white over time. Lighter skin absorbs vitamin D better than darker skin, lower light levels in the north meant those with darker skin became vitamin D deficient this resulted in rickets which deformed the hip bones preventing dark skinned people giving birth. Lighter and lighter skinned people had an evolutionary advantage in lower light levels and so those genes proliferated. Also early humans with black skin coming from Africa encountered white skinned neanderthals and interbred. We have a better diet now so vitamin D deficiency isn't such an issue anymore. Just something I've read anyway, don't know how true this is.

I'm white (blonde hair, blue eyes) but believe I have some African heritage many, many generations back. My dad (white skin, blue eyes) had a really tight white afro iyswim. His hair was not a problem, because he was a man and kept it very short.

My dad (white skin, blue eyes) had a really tight white afro iyswim. His hair was not a problem, because he was a man and kept it very short.

I wish people had responded to my previous comments about black men needing to keep their hair short. Many secondary schools insist boys have to have their hair 'longer than a 2' or something similar. They don't realise this disadvantages boys with Afro hair . Boys with Afro hair in these schools are disproportionately punished and put in isolation, etc for having short hair. Schools don't realise that black boys/men can't really have their hair long.... its just not a thing. And hair getting up to an inch long really is 'long' whereas on a white boy/man that would actually be short. If you apply a rule to everybody that disadvantages one group on account of a feature that pertains to their race then it is actually indirect discrimination

Don’t compromise your principles.

Certainly don’t pay out crazy money to do so.

Could you have it cut short to your scalp to save on time spent grooming? I personally love this look (especially on women with long necks and/or a striking face and/or statement glasses), but that just my largely irrelevant opinion.

White woman so what do I know, but would something like stylish head wraps, turbans, or wide tied headbands work with your look to give a bit more of a look of effort or glamour? You shouldn't have to, of course, but they might be a compromise - if they were viewed as professional enough. Of course knowing society, they might not be

what SlowlyShrinking said. I think natural afro hair is beautiful, and it is so sad that black people get treated like crap just for being themselves. Racism sucks.

The effect of racism on aesthetics is shit. If I had afro-hair, I would want to keep it natural. Forget about the money, though I have lots of better for it, but six hours at the hairdressers every six weeks, aaarrrgghh.

My little dgd is mixed race and got really dark after a beach holiday, she looked gorgeous. But then I remember the social problems this aesthetic will bring her when she is older and get the rage.

I'd like you to do what you feel most comfortable and happy with your hair.

There is a lot of dictation on how all women wear their hair (my curly hair daughter is often told to straighten hers, even by strangers and my short haired one has suffered so many comments that she is going to grow it out - even though it looks lovely on her). And I know the racist behaviour is worse. I was shocked when I realised just how much black women put their hair through to conform - no one should be pressurised by society like that.

Black woman here - I feel your pain. I've gone with locs for years and I want a change, but I'm afraid if I just cut them off and grow out my natural hair, it will affect my perception at work.

It is sadly reality that in majority white societies, our hair as it grows naturally from our heads is discriminated against. The pressure to wig, weave, straighten is immense.

Thanks @Ollivander84. I'll take a look. Although, I try to buy black with my hair products where I can, which gives me a fairly limited, organic and expensive range. I'm becoming slightly more political in my 'old age' and try my best to put my money where my mouth is.

It's hard when quality products like shea moisture are sold to big corporations and then cleansed for a 'broader' market.

Faulty - I get what you mean. I think soultanicals is the sort of new Shea moisture from what I can tell
Naturalistic products has loads of choice too

The lupita hair looks professional to me! Neat and cute

@Ollivander84 Thanks even more recommendations. Love it!

I’m a (white) recruiting manager in the public sector. I’ve done the unconscious bias training and it’s something we look out for carefully. I’m as sure as I can be that hair makes no difference at all to recruiting decisions, and I would challenge another panel member who mentioned hair as being unprofessional or messy.

Long thread. OP has barely posted & nobody will read this.
I like Lupita's hair (prefer it, tbh). I despair of seeing the artificial hair on every woman. It is a sad situation.

I'm not too keen on huge fluffy hair, though, so impractical. One of my cousins has this & I don't know how he manages (like pic but he's a 17yo mostly white kid). We don't know about any African in cousin's heritage. It just looks like a headlice magnet to me.

I lived in an African country for many years and very few local ladies wore their hair in natural afro. They almost always had weaves or braids. I always knew when our helper was short of money because her hair would be covered up because she had to wear it in her natural afro style. It was almost like they are judged by society even in their own country if they can't afford to have their hair weaved or braided.
Personally I loved her hair natural and would tell her so...I almost always got a no no from her.

Hopping and it starts so young, thinking of the 10 and 8yo I mentioned! Of course, I told them how lovely it looked. Weirdly, their mum has her natural afro.

Cheeto that's shocking of Channel 4, who pride themselves on being diverse. I've always said that it was sad that black women thought they had to take on white attributes. The afro's beautiful. I used to live in an area with quite a high black population, and every pound shop had relaxer in the window. It's depressing.

My half brother grew a proper long afro a few years ago. It looked amazing, but he must have taken so long looking after it.

I am a fan of natural too (although I do dye mine at home otherwise it would be grey). I know what an issue your kindo f hair is and I thin it's a shame. I like Afro hair. I think it's a real shame people have to change it. I would keep it. My (white) problem has always been the other way round - all my life it never grows below my shoulders and hairdressers always say - you've got thin hair (which is very rude of them). I always wanted curls or length but I certainly have no time to do anything than trim the ends and bung on hair dye at home.

I genuinely don't think a very bright women with exam results as high as those also going for a job in my career area (law) who had Afro rather than straightened hair would be treated less favourably at the interview. We want to celebrate how different people look surely.

Binger, that's interesting because as a woman in my 50s (I work for myself mostly behind a computer screen so looks are not too relevant now) you do see a lot of fuss made of particularly older women's hair. Look at that poor MP who was told by a fellow MP the only thing she is good at is giving her hair a blow dry.

Thing is, it's not just about getting hired, not just about overt discrimination/comments. It's about the more subtle stuff, the hard-to-challenge-but-the-pattern-makes-it-clear stuff.

The "she's great, but not quite ready yet", "needs more gravitas", "lacks impact", "very diligent on the straightforward projects" stuff. That even the people doing it would angrily deny, even to themselves, is subconsciously biased.

Can you get a lovely cut in your natural hair op?,how do you have it now?

I thought mytie picture on page one was lovely.

Would something like this be an option for you? I think it looks so lovely, still natural!

I dont doubt your instinct about discrimination based on natural hair at all. But i dont think you are going to get much beyond " i like natural hair and you should celebrate it" on mumsnet.