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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to not know how to respond to this message...

646 replies

WigglyBraddins · 22/10/2018 12:14

...from a "gentleman" with whom I had a recent liaison?

"Urgh, this is horrible for me, and for you, and it could well sour things and I would hate myself if it did. But, I have to be honest. I said you were not my normal type, physically, and that is very true. I am really attracted to slim women, I can't help it and have tried before, with it not getting very far. I completely accept that circumstances and free time dictate how we are able to shape ourselves. I understand if you are hurt by this, and trust me I hate it having to be a thing. I hate the idea of men dictating to a woman what they should look like, and I am not telling you to do anything. I am just saying, in the past at least, this issue has got in the way. If you did feel like meeting me in the middle on this then I am realistic and not as demanding as you might initially think. As I say I totally understand that your circumstances and how they are not exactly kind in this respect. There are literally zero other red flags, especially none outside of your control, maybe. Urgh, I am so sorry, I know how this issue can really fuck women up but as I say I can't help what I like, but I am super realistic about what is possible and what is not. Urgh urgh."

Suggestions for an appropriate response would be very much appreciated.

OP posts:
NarcolepticOuchMouse · 23/10/2018 01:30

"Oh this is awkward, I thought you were just a bit of fun. Sorry, you're not really my type for a relationship. No hard feelings."

KnobZombie7 · 23/10/2018 01:48

''Urgh, that must've been horrible for you, but if it makes you feel better, it was worse for me. When we met, I thought you would be my normal type, physically, that is. However, that turned out to be very untrue. I am very attracted to men who have average to large penises. In fact I have never, until now, been with a man who had a small penis. I would have hated to have mentioned this to you at the time as it could well have soured things, I felt sorry for you and I would've hated myself if it did. But, I have to be honest. I completely accept that there is absolutely nothing you can do to increase your penis size. I understand if you are hurt by this, and trust me I hate it having to be a thing. I hate the idea of women making men feel inadequate by commenting on the size of their penises as I know it can lead to life-long crushing insecurities and difficultly entering into future sexual relationships. A meeting in the middle would be impossible simply as there is nothing you can do to increase the size of your penis. Urgh, I am so sorry, I know how this issue can really fuck men up but as I say I can't help what I like, but I am super realistic about what is possible and what is not. Urgh urgh''

staydazzling · 23/10/2018 01:54

Wow Hmm

Enidthecat · 23/10/2018 07:11

Can also back up that the OP is a fox IRL and also blooming lovely.

He cannot be allowed to get away with this behaviour. I truly hope someone publishes this. I will be very happy to post him a copy.

SlothSlothSloth · 23/10/2018 07:18

Haven’t rtft but if you both have Twitter/insta I would genuinely tweet/insta it and name and shame him,@ and all. This is the sort of thing that could go viral and really fuck up his life for a few weeks at least, which he richly deserves.

One of the worst examples of male entitlement I’ve seen. “I realise this stuff really fucks women up but as you’re just a fuck hole to me, not a person, your well-being is irrelevant to me and I’m going to tell you anyway”

YouTheCat · 23/10/2018 07:28

Just tell him you usually date intelligent men but lowered your standards for a shag.

dulcefarniente · 23/10/2018 07:41

Definitely the "which one are you?" response. I sent that in response to a text from the OW. She didn't take it well 😂

thecatsarecrazy · 23/10/2018 07:55

I haven't read the full thread but I think my reply would have been " cunt " then block and move on.
What an utter twat.

Ignoramusgiganticus · 23/10/2018 07:56

I chose cake is great but blocking is fine.

MyOtherProfile · 23/10/2018 08:06

I think I'd have replied with "Aw bless, have some cake!"

Battytwatty · 23/10/2018 08:08

Negging......I heard this term for the first time last week when I found out a relative of an friend of mine is a PUA. I didn’t even know this was a thing! He is the sleaziest creep I’ve ever seen and if you want to pass a few hours check out their website 3 second rule.

Daffyduckface · 23/10/2018 08:18

Can’t you reply saying
I’m so glad you replied and I hate myself for saying this but I prefer a guy with a decent sized package, I’m so sorry, I know how an issues like this can fuck a guy up but as I say I can’t help what I like, urgh urgh

Poppyinagreenfield · 23/10/2018 08:42

Please do not respond. This is exactly what he wants. You are then playing his game by his rules.

He has already succeeded. You have probably spent more time thinking about this than you did having sex.

He is vile.

CupMug · 23/10/2018 08:49

.

Trogdor · 23/10/2018 09:47

I'm willing to bet op really is smoking hot. And the date is probably punching well above his weight and needs to convince op that she should be grateful for his interest.

starrynitelight · 23/10/2018 09:57

Ooh orrrr

"OMG babe remember that guy I told you about from Saturday night? Hahahaha he wants to get serious - shit!!! Pls how do I tell him I'm not interested at all without mentioning he's absolutely shit in bed?! Omg imagine resigning your life to terrible head to missionary position all night looooool 🤣🤣"

Then leave it 10 Min

"I am so sorry. Please don't feel bad, it was just girlie banter. You probably won't want to hear from me again, I understand. Take care x 😢"

NottonightJosepheen · 23/10/2018 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IamAporcupine · 23/10/2018 14:03

I am on the 'please do not reply' side.
Anything else is playing his game

florafawna · 23/10/2018 14:04

Don't dignify with response.

Rigamorph · 23/10/2018 14:22

Love it, @starrynitelight
Fake accidental text to your mate with mention of 'unusual' genitalia in there somewhere
Grin
I have been rejected on two occasions for having the wrong style of bikini wax. Needless to say I went out and found myself a real man. Wish I had been on MN in those days, some of these ideas are great!!

ChishandFips33 · 23/10/2018 14:41

Delete and move on

Life is too short to not eat cake

fridgepants · 23/10/2018 14:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

Buggeroffalo · 23/10/2018 15:03

Just text back ‘Urgh’

Shockers · 23/10/2018 15:28

What’s a PUA?

selfidentifyinggiraffe · 23/10/2018 15:55

Pick up artist