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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to not know how to respond to this message...

646 replies

WigglyBraddins · 22/10/2018 12:14

...from a "gentleman" with whom I had a recent liaison?

"Urgh, this is horrible for me, and for you, and it could well sour things and I would hate myself if it did. But, I have to be honest. I said you were not my normal type, physically, and that is very true. I am really attracted to slim women, I can't help it and have tried before, with it not getting very far. I completely accept that circumstances and free time dictate how we are able to shape ourselves. I understand if you are hurt by this, and trust me I hate it having to be a thing. I hate the idea of men dictating to a woman what they should look like, and I am not telling you to do anything. I am just saying, in the past at least, this issue has got in the way. If you did feel like meeting me in the middle on this then I am realistic and not as demanding as you might initially think. As I say I totally understand that your circumstances and how they are not exactly kind in this respect. There are literally zero other red flags, especially none outside of your control, maybe. Urgh, I am so sorry, I know how this issue can really fuck women up but as I say I can't help what I like, but I am super realistic about what is possible and what is not. Urgh urgh."

Suggestions for an appropriate response would be very much appreciated.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 22/10/2018 21:34

Next! Just say your not my type either. Delete and block.

Nononononono33 · 22/10/2018 21:35

I’d have definitely gone with the very first response from @nothanksbyenow

HeckyPeck · 22/10/2018 21:39

Negging is so lame.

I’d imagine he thinks he some cool alpha PUA so I’d reply with something along the lines of:

Thanks, but I’m really looking for more of an alpha who knows what he wants and isn’t so apologeticly beta about asking for it.

dontalltalkatonce · 22/10/2018 21:41

Anyone stupid enough to think negging works isn't worth giving the time of day to.

dontalltalkatonce · 22/10/2018 21:43

I mean, if someone isn't your type, the logical course of action would be not to shag them, would it not? What a twat. Glad you just blocked him. That will drive him nuts because people like this really expect to get a rise out of someone. They do it to get a reaction.

ree348 · 22/10/2018 21:52

What a idiot!

Size 12 is NOT fat!! Ffs

Also go with @Fadedreds response - it actually made me LOL!

MarcieBluebell · 22/10/2018 21:56

Please don't reply.

It will hurt him way more than a witty insult back.

No contact.

gaggiagirl · 22/10/2018 21:57

I really hope the fail or the Wright stuff staff pick up on this thread.
I know the OP IRL and she is absolutely smoking hot, like properly amazing. This man is an absolute wank stain on the fabric of humanity.

CryingOverSpiltMilk · 22/10/2018 22:06

I'm sure I've had the pleasure of crossing paths with this man or this is a stunt some men pull rather than just gracefully moving on.

Either way, he's a douchebag.

81Byerley · 22/10/2018 22:15

Tell him you're so glad he contacted you first, you were wondering how to tell him that you preferred going out with a man with a personality...then block him.

Scotsrule · 22/10/2018 22:16

“I’m embarrassed for you that you think you are important enough that your opinion matters”

Then block and move on. Nicely dodged bullet. What a prick

shinycat · 22/10/2018 22:17

It HAS to be either

'who's this?' Confused

Or as a few posters have said, just don't respond at all.

What a very odd message to send to someone. Did he seriously think any woman would respond favourably?

AnotherShirtRuined · 22/10/2018 22:22

I would have gone with " I think your phone has been hacked. Or possessed by a demon. At least it is being a complete dick. You should look into it."

I would have loved to see his response to that Grin

starrynitelight · 22/10/2018 22:22

Hi, I'm so sorry if you got the wrong impression but I was really only looking for a one-off thing. Urgh, sorry I feel so awkward now. Take care, don't give up your 'one' is out there but I'm so sorry... it's not me

FunSponges · 22/10/2018 22:24

He sent that to someone who is a size 12! That is NOT fat or even a bit chubby fgs. What a wanker. At least he let you know early on so you didn't have to waste much time on him OP.

AsleepAllDay · 22/10/2018 22:26

Just reply with 'lol'

Blackness78 · 22/10/2018 22:27

This has nothing to do with your size. If it was, he wouldn't have 'entertained' you in the first place.

So he told you this after he slept with you; rather than avoid sleeping with you altogether to avoid this situation?

Something tells me he's done this a few times.

It's actually quite sinister. Sorry, I don't want to sound like a drama queen but I really think it is.

Original poster
WigglyBraddins · 22/10/2018 22:28

@starrynitelight that is incredible!

I'm so glad I posted this on here. You lot rock!

OP posts:
Absofrigginlootly · 22/10/2018 22:29

I would either reply with

“Ok”

Or “sorry, who is this?”

Or “I choose cake” (live that Grin)

Absofrigginlootly · 22/10/2018 22:30

*love

oldmum22 · 22/10/2018 22:30

Reply , "I thought we had a future together, me with a zero figure,you with a zero personality ….and cock ".
Then block

category12 · 22/10/2018 22:34

I wish you'd said "I'm genuinely embarrassed for you" and blocked.

But hey, bullet dodged. It's good when the fuckwits reveal themselves early.

Hobbit19 · 22/10/2018 22:34

I also happen to know Wiggly IRL, and she is super smoking hot. Like jaw-droppingly sexy. Clearly no-one should be sending messages like that to anyone, but to try to suggest that Wiggly is not attractive just makes the whole thing a lot more mental. What a douche bag.

C0untDucku1a · 22/10/2018 22:34

Did he actually type urgh so many times?!

Anyway, seems like negging doesnt it? Knocking you down but saying he will stil consider fucking you while you improve yourself?

Just ignore and block. Why waste youre time on a knobhead?

LellyMcKelly · 22/10/2018 22:36

Urgh, this is horrible for me, and for you, and it could well sour things and I would hate myself if it did. But, I have to be honest. I said you were not my normal type, physically, and that is very true. I am really attracted to men who are moderately well endowed, I can't help it and have tried before, with it not getting very far. I completely accept that circumstances and free time dictate how we are able to shape ourselves. I understand if you are hurt by this, and trust me I hate it having to be a thing. I hate the idea of women dictating to a man what they should look like, and I am not telling you to do anything (though a minor penis enlargement wouldn’t hurt too much and would benefit us both). I am just saying, in the past at least, this issue has got in the way. If you did feel like meeting me in the middle on this then I am realistic and not as demanding as you might initially think (we could use a dildo, for example). As I say I totally understand that your circumstances and how they are not exactly kind in this respect. There are literally zero other red flags, especially none outside of your control, maybe. Urgh, I am so sorry, I know how this issue can really fuck men up but as I say I can't help what I like, but I am super realistic about what is possible and what is not. Urgh urgh."