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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isnt my problem?

122 replies

upsideup · 21/10/2018 20:47

My 23 year old dd took 11 year old dd and two of her friends to a concert tonight, arranged for them to stay in a hotel and said she will get them all back to school for tomorrow. Dd1 paid for them all and has organised it herself, absolutely nothing to do with me.
They are an hour's drive away and I always knew it was unlikely dd would be in school on time which as it has never happened before I'm okay with.

One of dd1's clients/friends also has an 11 year old dd who today somehow got invited along. They've gone to the concert and all the girls got on well, drove to drop this girl back and were invited in and to stay the night instead of driving all the way to the hotel which is further away from school.

Currently all 4 girls are up in the new girls bedroom together and DD1 has sent a text to the parents (including me) saying they are all fine, are staying at a friends house with her daughter instead of the hotel tonight and will definitely be in school by for maths at 10. Both of dd2's friends parents are saying that its my responsibility to get them to stay in the hotel as planned and to make sure they are in school on time even suggesting that I drive to pick them up tonight and bring them to my house.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and at home with 3 younger children, I'm happy for dd2 to stay and think if the other girls parents aren't happy they can go and get their kids tonight or sort it out with dd1 who is an adult they trusted to look after their children.
AIBU to think this isn't my problem? Would you think I should be doing something to sort this out?

OP posts:
MsOliphant · 21/10/2018 20:49

Erm, it is your problem yes Confused

sonandhelpneeded · 21/10/2018 20:52

So the kids are suddenly staying in an unknown persons home.....

havingabadhairday · 21/10/2018 20:52

No, yanbu. If the other parents aren't happy they can go get their daughters.

GruciusMalfoy · 21/10/2018 20:52

I don't think your DD should have changed plans without getting the parents' permission. That was a bad decision, IMO. They hadn't agreed to their kids staying with a stranger, or being late to school. I think you need to do what the parents ask now, I imagine they went on your trust of your DD being able to make sensible decisions.

MsOliphant · 21/10/2018 20:53

And really, this is a stupid thing to do on a Sunday night.

Although, I wonder why they’re not on half term..

IAmGrootGrootGroot · 21/10/2018 20:54

I would not be happy if I were the other girls parents. What is your dd1 thinking? She sounds very irresponsible.

GruciusMalfoy · 21/10/2018 20:54

Scottisg schools return tomorrow. I agree that this was a really daft plan for a Sunday night.

JessieLemon · 21/10/2018 20:54

The other parents agreed to their daughters going on this trip with certain plans (such as the hotel room)

Now it’s suddenly changed to all four of them sleeping in a random person’s house/bedroom?

They’re eleven, not eighteen. I’d be furious. But I’d go get them myself if I could and I was one of the parents. Is it possible that their parents don’t drive or can’t get out to get them?

However it kinda ain’t your problem really, given your daughter is an adult and has arranged it all. It’s her responsibility to liaise with the other parents and find a resolution, not yours.

hidinginthenightgarden · 21/10/2018 20:55

If I was the Parents I would be pissed that my child was at the house of someone I don't know and I would ask you to encourage them to go to the hotel. I would also be pissed that they would be late for school.
If I was pissed enough I would get them myself. I wouldn't ask you to.

JessieLemon · 21/10/2018 20:56

I don’t think it’s a daft plan for a Sunday when it’s something like a concert that happens when it happens and you either attend or don’t, and might mean a lot to these kids.

But it should have been agreed and discussed with all parents beforehand that they would have probably been late for school the next day. And your daughter shouldn’t have gone and changed the plan so drastically while in charge of four children (which seems a lot for a woman in her early twenties, maybe she’s bitten off more than she can chew?)

RatBabies · 21/10/2018 20:57

Cause half term is at different times in different areas, MsOliphant.

I agree with pp's that it was irresponsible of your daughter to change plans at last minute without asking the parents of the other children.
However, I do agree it's not your responsibility.

MsOliphant · 21/10/2018 20:57

I wouldn’t arrange anything with you/your daughter again if I was one of the parents. Being pregnant is no excuse for being completely blasé about other people’s children.

Mascarponeandwine · 21/10/2018 20:58

Is it the Rasmus gig?

MsOliphant · 21/10/2018 20:59

The Rasmus?! Is it 2004 Grin

AnnieAnoniMouse · 21/10/2018 20:59

Well, I suppose it depends how it was organised and if they’re only trusting your DD because she’s your DD.

Late for school. Depends what mood she caught me in tbh. Some days I’d be pissed off if she had said she’d get them there in times, other days I wouldn’t be bothered. Though why she can’t set off earlier is a bit baffling.

As long as my DD was happy at the friends house I wouldn’t mind them staying there.

Glumglowworm · 21/10/2018 21:01

DD1 is being irresponsible to change the plans at this stage, especially without speaking to the other girls parents first.

And you or she should’ve made sure the parents knew they’d be late to school tomorrow.

(My area isn’t on half term til next week, fwiw)

WisestIsShe · 21/10/2018 21:02

Radio 1 teen awards?

I wouldn't be happy if the plans changed last minute to stay in an unknown persons house.

Tell your elder DD she is BU.

greendale17 · 21/10/2018 21:03

Although, I wonder why they’re not on half term..

Half term in my area starts on Wednesday

Original poster
upsideup · 21/10/2018 21:05

They are staying with their new friend who they've spent the day with, her mum and dd1.
The trip up untill now has been nothing to do with me, I wouldnt have agreed to organise it or been involved this month. DD1 organsied it with her sisters friends and their parents. Its obviously fine if they want to go and get their dd's early, I'm happy for mine to stay though.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 21/10/2018 21:05

Half Term here starts this Friday Grin

Your older DD isn't being very mature. She should know that this is not ok.

Original poster
upsideup · 21/10/2018 21:07

Half term is next week where we are.

OP posts:
LuluBellaBlue · 21/10/2018 21:07

I would not allow my child to stay in an unknown persons house either! You’re the parent here, I’d be having immediate words with DD1, hotel and to school on time.

Laiste · 21/10/2018 21:08

I would be extremely unhappy about my 11 year old spending the night at a strangers house.

You are the common denominator in all this i'm afraid. It's your DD doing the organisation and the change of plan and it's your 11 year old's friends who are now stranded at a place not agreed to by their parents.

Laiste · 21/10/2018 21:09

Have the parents paid in advance for the hotel stay? That might not go down too well now either.

BastardGoDarkly · 21/10/2018 21:09

Well, I guess it's nothing to do with you.

Why aren't they texting your dd? Do they know her, or just you?

I wouldn't be happy about the change of plans tbh.

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