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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you date this man?

112 replies

Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 18:08

Seems lovely and is a very good father. He shows he's attracted to me but I see him lust after other women.
I have been tempted to give him the benefit of the doubt and date him but I also have dc and feel it may be a bad move on my behalf and could be wasting my time/get hurt as he clearly looks at other women in my presence already.

Although we are not together nor have we dated so he doesn't owe me any loyalty at this point but if he wanted this to go anywhere he wouldn't be giving other women the eye, would he?

OP posts:
YourVagesty · 21/10/2018 18:11

I'd say no as this will only get worse, but I realise emotions are complicated so understand why you'd feel conflicted.

I think he'll hurt you in the long run - he's already disrespecting you.

Original poster
Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 18:14

He didn't know I noticed, if that makes any difference.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 18:15

And at that time he didn't know I felt the sane way towards him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 18:15

Same*

OP posts:
CarryOnScreamingValenta · 21/10/2018 18:17

How obvious is he making the lusting? If he's just looking at them, it wouldn't bother me. If he's commenting on them to you, it's a no-go.

Original poster
Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 18:19

It was just looking. You know the eyes up and down look.

OP posts:
Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 21/10/2018 18:22

No I wouldn't. He should be making you feel as though you're the only woman in the world, especially early on. Sounds cliche but my partner made me feel this way when we started dating, and he still does. If he's lusting after other women so obviously, it shows he has no respect for you to do it so blatantly in front of you.

CarryOnScreamingValenta · 21/10/2018 18:23

I'd give it a go and see if he still does it once you are dating. As you said, if you're not an item he doesn't owe you any commitment and it's reasonable for him to look at other options if he's got no reason to be sure of you.

I would date him and see how it goes.

Thurmanmurman · 21/10/2018 18:23

Nope

blueskiesandforests · 21/10/2018 18:24

If he's giving women the eyes up and down look so obviously that those he's with notice, nobody should date him. He sounds like a sleeze.

lolaflores · 21/10/2018 18:26

If it makes you uncomfortable then listen to your instincts. They are there for a good reason and we ignore them at our peril.
Can I ask if the behaviour brings up me.oroes of someone else?

diddl · 21/10/2018 18:41

Nope.

Why would anyone?

Gabilan · 21/10/2018 18:42

You know the eyes up and down look

I'd probably avoid him. The occasional glance at someone stunning - fair enough. I had to catch myself earlier today when a very good looking man walked into the room. But routinely eyeing women up - it makes me uncomfortable because I feel as if the man is viewing women as objects, and not much else.

EmmaGhostGhoul · 21/10/2018 18:44

I would. I'd date him.

HB2Me · 21/10/2018 18:52

It depends on what you want OP. I was in a relationship for years where the man looked at other women in my presence. I ended up feeling tense every time we went out together as he’d be up to his old tricks. It ground me down and made me feel worthless after a while.

If you think you can withstand this then it might be worth a shot. If not, steer well clear.

TatianaLarina · 21/10/2018 18:55

Hell no.

InfiniteVariety · 21/10/2018 18:56

No I wouldn't

thisneverendingsummer · 21/10/2018 18:56

Do you even need to ask? He sounds awful.

I also find it an oxymoron that you say he's into you, but lusts after other women......

XingMing · 21/10/2018 18:57

I'm old,so I feel it's understandable that DH looks at and admires other women. I look at and admire handsome younger men. It doesn't mean that I want a change from the old buffer, except as a mild fantasy. Neither of us is likely to act out our fantasies.

Willow2017 · 21/10/2018 18:58

Nope.
If he has to make it obvious he is 'eyeing up' other women when you are there then he doesnt care enough about you to do a proper relationship. he wont stop, its how he sees women, as eye candy.

We can all appreciate a nice looking woman or man but the whole body/eye thing is what horny teenagers do not grown adults.

ree348 · 21/10/2018 18:59

No I wouldn't. Don't settle for second best x

Original poster
Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 19:01

My first though was sleazy to blueskiesandforests

No lolaflores it doesn't bring up memories of any one else that I can recall.

OP posts:
UnRavellingFast · 21/10/2018 19:03

Hmm the eyes up and down is sleazy imo. It’s horrible being on the receiving end (as I used to be when young Grin ) as you feel judged when all you’re doing is walking somewhere minding your own business. A glance at a pretty woman here and there is a different matter.

Original poster
Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 19:03

It's only been the once I've noticed him do this and it was before anything with me and him.

OP posts:
UnRavellingFast · 21/10/2018 19:04

Sorry x post!