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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you date this man?

112 replies

Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 18:08

Seems lovely and is a very good father. He shows he's attracted to me but I see him lust after other women.
I have been tempted to give him the benefit of the doubt and date him but I also have dc and feel it may be a bad move on my behalf and could be wasting my time/get hurt as he clearly looks at other women in my presence already.

Although we are not together nor have we dated so he doesn't owe me any loyalty at this point but if he wanted this to go anywhere he wouldn't be giving other women the eye, would he?

OP posts:
AlphaBravo · 21/10/2018 19:05

So men aren't allowed to look at women now? He wasn't asking them on a date OP or going "Phwoar!" ... ffs.

I look people top to bottom every time I look at them - I take in the whole person. That doesn't mean I want to shag him or her. Yabu.

And as the someone saying "he's already disrespecting you" ... I 100% guarantee your husband is one to have an affair. Because he's probably already sick of that attitude, and likely you because of it. What a silly statement to make.

BeerAndBassGuitars · 21/10/2018 19:06

What? So before you and he were seeing each other he looked a woman?

Original poster
Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 19:06

It was a half way up and down look iyswim.

OP posts:
thisneverendingsummer · 21/10/2018 19:06

@AlphaBravo and @XingMing

If you can't tell the difference between a man (or woman) glancing at people of the opposite sex and admiring how they look; and people lusting after them, and looking them up and down and leering at them (as the OP said the man she knows does!) then I genuinely feel sorry for you. You must have very low standards.

Any man lusting after other women, in the presence of his wife/partner or not, is a sleazy bell-end, and only the most insecure, needy, desperate woman would put up with this.

And you can bet no MAN would put up with his woman lusting after other men right under his nose!!! Hmm

Original poster
Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 19:08

@BeerAndBassGuitars
We are not or have not been asking each other. I'm just considering it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 19:08

Seeing* not asking

OP posts:
XingMing · 21/10/2018 19:09

Gosh, clutching my pearls. You have led a sheltered life dearie!

bellsbuss · 21/10/2018 19:11

So you're not actually with him and he looked at another woman ? Can't see what the problem is.

LimitIsUp · 21/10/2018 19:12

Nope.

YearOfYouRemember · 21/10/2018 19:13

Six minutes in and already minimising.

LimitIsUp · 21/10/2018 19:14

Its not criminal to look at other women, but in the early stages, if he is properly interested in you, he wouldn't register them

eggstoast · 21/10/2018 19:16

Someone having a quick look at an attractive person yes that’s ok. Tongue hanging out, leering not ok irrespective of relationship status.

If your noticing him doing it, then I would think he’s falling more into latter camp. So no.

Original poster
Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 19:16

I'm not minimising It, it was a quick 2 second eye up half way up and down. It did look at bit sleazy but he seems otherwise a very nice man.

OP posts:
ohello · 21/10/2018 19:44

Holdingonbarely Grin Grin Grin

Anyhoo, has OP considered buying TWO fitted sheets? One for the bed and one for your husband?

Or, removing the fitted sheet entirely and just wrap the mattress in duct tape as a halloween prank?

Also, if this is the worst thing your husband does, I would keep him. Every other thread is complaining about the guy molesting other women with his eyes or rudely cramming cake in the wife's face. This guy is a sweetheart in comparison Smile

ohello · 21/10/2018 19:46

nvmd, I am on the wrong thread Halloween Blush

MozzchopsThirty · 21/10/2018 19:54

What a bonkers lot you are

Basically this man looked at other women when you weren't dating or together 🤔

I'd say you have more issues than him if this bothers you

As for he should be making you feel like the only woman alive' nonsense!!!!
Maybe when you e established yourself as an exclusive couple but not before you even date

blueskiesandforests · 21/10/2018 20:06

The first post says "I see him lust after other women" and a subsequent one clarifies "you know the eyes up and down look". Op says her first thought was sleeze.

Then she back tracks and says it was only once and half an up and down look...

If he's a sleeze leering at other women dont date him. If it was a half unconscious discrete glance once it's not bad, but op said "lusting" and women plural and confirmed her first thought was sleeze.

Going out with a sleeze is scraping the barrel and not going to lead to anywhere good.

If you haven't started dating but are flirting around one another normally you don't have eyes for anyone else while together, as far as I remember. If he's looking at others even without it being sleezey he's not that into you.

If he's a sleeze everyone should give him a wide berth.

So still no, despite the "men can't help it" type posters. You're on a hiding to nothing good.

Original poster
Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 20:15

If you haven't started dating but are flirting around one another normally you don't have eyes for anyone else while together

I was giving him a wide berth so he had no idea how I was feeling. So we have not been flirting around each other but can sense he's attracted to me. Just looking for feed back before I entertain him. If that is even wise.

OP posts:
YearOfYouRemember · 21/10/2018 20:18

Yep, still minimising and now back tracking.

Original poster
Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 20:24

Sorry but there is nothing minimise or back track. It is exactly how it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 21:27

It seems quite split so I'm still non the wiser Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 21:28

But thank you for your posts it's given me something to reflect on

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 21/10/2018 21:55

I’m a bit confused.

First you say you see him lust after other women plural, and that he clearly looks at other women plural in your presence.

Now you say just the one.

But as a general rule, I’d say if you think something felt sleazy then it probably was.

Gardai · 21/10/2018 22:07

Go by your gut
I don’t give a shit who looks at who until I met my ex who always looked at other women - but in a weird way, can’t put my finger on it but it was not pleasant and quite intense. He was generally a disrespectful shit towards women.

BatFacedOK · 21/10/2018 22:47

I'd reflect on the fact that you sound rather confused

He half glanced for two seconds at a woman and you're not even going out together ? I was all set to give my opinion on men who look at other women obviously when with their other half but for god sake - catch yourself on. Ridiculous