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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you date this man?

112 replies

Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 18:08

Seems lovely and is a very good father. He shows he's attracted to me but I see him lust after other women.
I have been tempted to give him the benefit of the doubt and date him but I also have dc and feel it may be a bad move on my behalf and could be wasting my time/get hurt as he clearly looks at other women in my presence already.

Although we are not together nor have we dated so he doesn't owe me any loyalty at this point but if he wanted this to go anywhere he wouldn't be giving other women the eye, would he?

OP posts:
Original poster
Skynight90 · 21/10/2018 23:24

I wouldn't say it was a glance it was more of a checking her out. If he's showed an interest in me then checking out another women, he's probably doing the same to her.

I don't want to be getting myself into a messy situation with a "player".

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 21/10/2018 23:28

It’s really draining going out with a lech , and crap for your self esteem. I wouldn’t bother.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 21/10/2018 23:35

You sound like hard work OP. He kind of looked at one woman at a point in time where he might have liked you but you were giving him no signs to suggest you liked him back and now you are but you are wondering if that one look that one time means you shouldn't date him?!

How do you get out the door in the morning?!

TheWiseWomansFear · 21/10/2018 23:36

I mean you weren't even dating yet so I don't think it's particularly bad....

Joey7t8 · 21/10/2018 23:38

Single man checks out women - shock!

Chances are he isn’t as interested in the OP as she thinks. If he was, he’d not be distracted from her.

Devillanelle · 21/10/2018 23:39

What is his personality like? Is he generally creepy and disrespectful towards women?

Original poster
Skynight90 · 22/10/2018 08:53

His personality is lovely. No not creepy or disrespectful at all.

OP posts:
BeerAndBassGuitars · 22/10/2018 09:14

You're getting mixed responses because you've changed what you're saying.

Lusting after multiple women - problem
A 2 second glance up and down one woman - you've no idea what he was thinking!

ushuaiamonamour · 22/10/2018 09:15

Did you have a very repressive upbringing? and do you lead a very sheltered life? Your attitude seems very er eh unusual. A good man whose involuntary and possibly unconscious eye movement you noticed, timed, and judged the angle of vision of (he looked only halfway down). Whom you've spotted doing this once. Whomnot that I think this is particularly relevantyou're not dating. In fact, a man who hasn't even asked you out. In the event of his actually asking you out, please turn him down; if you're this possessive, jealous, and unwarrantedly suspicious of him as an acquaintance, a closer relationship with you would be very hard on him.

tiggerkid · 22/10/2018 09:34

I am confused: has he indicated in any way that he wants a relationship?

OutPinked · 22/10/2018 09:37

When you first start dating someone there isn’t supposed to be doubts and issues. If there is, sack them off. You will only focus in on this whenever you’re out with him and it will drive you insane.

XiCi · 22/10/2018 09:48

It's really horrible to be looked up and down by people like that. The pp who says that they do it to everyone must be really uncomfortable to be around. If it was so obvious that you noticed it and immediately thought it sleazy then you have your answer there. I wouldn't entertain dating him. Tbh doesn't sound like you are that keen on him anyway

Original poster
Skynight90 · 22/10/2018 09:50

To make it clear we are not dating but yes he has indicated but I have not shown an interest in his advances.

I do like him and would like to get to know him more but my question is should I take it further? Or keep distant from him as I am now?
I feel a but cautious of him and wonder if this checking other women is a regular thing for him although I've only noticed him doing it once.
But maybe it's in his character?

OP posts:
AgnesBrownsCat · 22/10/2018 09:50

I wouldn’t date a man with children but he looked at another woman .That in itself wouldn’t put me off . He’s human .

AgnesBrownsCat · 22/10/2018 09:51

Go out with him and then decide . How many kids does he have and what ages are they ? That would influence my decision more than the looking tbh

Original poster
Skynight90 · 22/10/2018 09:52

@AgnesBrownsCat
Do you have children?

OP posts:
tiggerkid · 22/10/2018 09:53

To make it clear we are not dating but yes he has indicated

Still confused. Has he ever clearly said he wanted to date?

Gottagetmoving · 22/10/2018 09:53

Go with your gut feeling. You saw how he did it, we didn't.
There is nothing wrong about looking at other women but I think you can tell from how he does it whether it's sleazy or not.

Original poster
Skynight90 · 22/10/2018 09:55

@AgnesBrownsCat
He's has one dc who is 6

OP posts:
GoatWithACoat · 22/10/2018 09:57

As for he should be making you feel like the only woman alive' nonsense!!!!
Maybe when you e established yourself as an exclusive couple but not before you even date

Low standards. The only way anyone ever got a date with me was to make me feel like the only woman alive. Start as you mean to go on and all that.

Kaykay06 · 22/10/2018 10:08

He’s single though? How do you know if you’re together he would continue to do so?
Has he even asked you out? Does he know you like him and would want to date him.

Thing about dating is you go out a few times and if you click and he has eyes only for you then great but if not you say Cheerio and move on.....but this nonsense is just ridiculous if he’s single then he can look elsewhere. Obviously wouldn’t entertain a letch if that’s the way he’s looking but only you know that

inashizzle · 22/10/2018 10:46

If he walks along ogling anything that moves (generally you see these types flitting eyes bum n boobs), don't trouble yourself. The kind that give men a bad name. Generally love themselves ,think they have a chance with everyone. Narcissistic generally. Start off as charmers , lying slimebags under surface.'Real men' just don't go on like that.

Joey7t8 · 22/10/2018 11:26

To make it clear we are not dating but yes he has indicated but I have not shown an interest in his advances

So as far as he’s concerned you’re not interested, but you’re still expecting him to not even look at another woman?

AgnesBrownsCat · 22/10/2018 12:05

Yes I have children but have no desire whatsoever to be a stepmother .

PlinkPlink · 22/10/2018 12:45

Have only read a little way down the thread but why don't you try a couple of dates and see how he acts then?

I think everyone looks at other people when they're single. Some men just don't have the ability to be subtle.

If he still does it when you're on a date together then you know you don't want to go there.