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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell his wife?

121 replies

AllIneedisWineandChocolate · 21/10/2018 01:07

I met a man on a dating site, been chatting for a while, got on well, so we met up, he explained that he is separated from his "wife" because she cheated, but they still live in the same house due to children, child care (they work opposite shifts so someone is always there for the children), and need to sell the house in order to move, ok, not ideal but I believed him as he would constantly be messaging me and sending pics etc. Anyway, today, he requested me on FB, I accepted, and there is loads of stuff with them together, tagged in each other as recently as September, (he told me they separated in March) and refers to her as "wife" on there, I asked him about it, came up with some bollocks, still telling me they are separated , didnt believe it,I was looking through some pics he had sent me, and the one he sent me this morning he had his wedding ring on...Bastard!! so, 2 questions, He is clearly still with his wife isnt he? and secondly, Do i tell her? I think I would want to know if it were me.

OP posts:
GreenLantern53 · 21/10/2018 01:13

I wouldnt

Disquieted1 · 21/10/2018 01:16

Deep down, why would you want to tell his wife? Is it out of a deep-seated desire to do the best by her?

ScottCheggJnr · 21/10/2018 01:16

He's not very smart requesting you on FB if this is the case!

OliviaBonas · 21/10/2018 01:16

This happened to me. Tell him you know he is married. If he contacts you again after that tell him to stop or you will contact his wife. He will stop and then you can move on with your life. If his wife ever finds the messages she will know that you didn’t know and you stopped all contact as soon as you did.

BakedBeans47 · 21/10/2018 01:17

No

stitchinguru · 21/10/2018 01:18

I’m assuming you are going to call it a day with him?

Original poster
AllIneedisWineandChocolate · 21/10/2018 01:19

@Disquieted1 I don't know, Isn't it the right thing to do? Why wouldn't you tell her? He is messing with her, and his children's life, why should anybody be able to do this? I think if I was her I would rather know, surely less hurt in the long run?

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 21/10/2018 01:19

I'd want to know if I was her. I never understand the women that say do nothing,

Original poster
AllIneedisWineandChocolate · 21/10/2018 01:23

@stitchinguru Absolutely.

@ScottCheggJnr I know, right? How stupid is he to do that? Unless he is telling the truth? He says its to keep up appearances for family. Men...bastards, the lot of them.

I have sent him the picture from this morning saying....Nice ring. Funnily enough, no reply!

OP posts:
MonsterTequila · 21/10/2018 01:24

I’d tell her, without a doubt. She deserves to know. All this keeping stum just facilitates men’s affairs.

OrigamiZoo · 21/10/2018 01:25

Yes, WTF is up with people? The wife needs to know what you know about her own husband so she can make an informed decision about her future health and happiness.

GreenLantern53 · 21/10/2018 01:25

pretty much all of these women stay with the man and im speaking from experience. so why bother.

MonsterTequila · 21/10/2018 01:26

OP guarantee it’s not true, he just thinks all women are gullible & will believe anything he says.

stitchinguru · 21/10/2018 01:28

Yes, tell her. I think us women owe it to each other to ensure that we are not made fools of. Also, it’s not our place to second guess how she will react.

Original poster
AllIneedisWineandChocolate · 21/10/2018 01:30

I just dont want to be the bad guy, he obviously thinks he can talk his way out of it, but on the other hand, thinks she deserves to know.

OP posts:
AiryFairyUnicornRainbow · 21/10/2018 01:30

I'd want to know...but don't be surprised if she rips you a new arsehole, after all, you did know he was living with his wife

davisday · 21/10/2018 01:32

Not very bright is he Grin

Wait and see what he says, screenshot it. Once you have made your decision you have proof should she not believe you.

GreenLantern53 · 21/10/2018 01:33

i do think you were very foolish to believe him, my sister was told the same thing, not with the wife they just live together for the kid blah blah, turned out they were together all along.

CallMeRachel · 21/10/2018 01:36

I don't know what I'd do in your shoes actually but if you decide to tell her please make sure you do it properly, with irrefutable evidence.

Do you have any mutual friends with his wife?

stitchinguru · 21/10/2018 01:37

There’s only one ‘bad guy’ in all of this....
And it’s not you - or his wife.

Disquieted1 · 21/10/2018 01:37

Do what is in your best interest. Move on.

Original poster
AllIneedisWineandChocolate · 21/10/2018 01:38

I believed him when he said about the whole separation thing because my best friend had to do the same,
I want to tell her, i just don't know where to start

OP posts:
Original poster
AllIneedisWineandChocolate · 21/10/2018 01:39

No, no mutual friends, that was the first thing i checked lol

OP posts:
janaus · 21/10/2018 01:42

She should know what her husband has been up to. Wish someone told me. I’m sure friends knew

CallMeRachel · 21/10/2018 01:42

Has your relationship with him been physical yet?