AIBU to tell his wife?

[AllIneedisWineandChocolate]

I met a man on a dating site, been chatting for a while, got on well, so we met up, he explained that he is separated from his "wife" because she cheated, but they still live in the same house due to children, child care (they work opposite shifts so someone is always there for the children), and need to sell the house in order to move, ok, not ideal but I believed him as he would constantly be messaging me and sending pics etc. Anyway, today, he requested me on FB, I accepted, and there is loads of stuff with them together, tagged in each other as recently as September, (he told me they separated in March) and refers to her as "wife" on there, I asked him about it, came up with some bollocks, still telling me they are separated , didnt believe it,I was looking through some pics he had sent me, and the one he sent me this morning he had his wedding ring on...Bastard!! so, 2 questions, He is clearly still with his wife isnt he? and secondly, Do i tell her? I think I would want to know if it were me.

[Jessiemay88]

Id want to know.

[LuvSmallDogs]

To those in disbelief about the bloke being daft enough to friend her on FB...I can believe it. A wee while back an old friend friended me, so I friended him back.

We messaged back and forth reminiscing and catching up...then he made a play for me. I pointed out that we were both engaged, he said “no I’m not, that’s just on my profile for a joke” and changed it straight away to single.

I messaged his fiancée, who confirmed that they were in fact engaged, but even with screenshots told me “lol you wish he was after you” so I blocked them both.

[HeckyPeck]

*Not unless he was an monumental idiot.

He might well be a monumental idiot. My friend was an unwitting OW and the guy Facebook requested her and a couple of others. He had settings so he couldn’t be tagged I seem to remember.

[MissPatty]

Please tell her.
This happened to me with my STBXH. The “other” woman had an inkling perhaps we weren’t as separated as he’d told her, so she checked with me. First I’d heard about it! She was very helpful sending me screenshots of everything, very embarrassed and apologised. I wasn’t annoyed with her; she had been lied to as well. Then I found out about all the other women, sometimes he told them we had an open marriage and others he would tell we were separated but unfortunately forced to cohabit. He’s disgusting, and I’m very glad she told me.

[Bluntness100]

Yes, lying and inviting her to be his face book friend so she can see.

That is plausible. Yup totally. Plausible.

[HeckyPeck]

It’s only his word that they’re separated isn’t it? He’s still wearing a wedding ring so probably lying.

[Bluntness100]

I'd want to know if I was her

Know what? That your ex is dating, ok then,

[HeckyPeck]

I'd want to know if I was her. I never understand the women that say do nothing

Same here.

[Bluntness100]

I mean seriously what married man, sends his bit on the side, who he has told he is single, a face book request knowing his Facebook is filled with his history and all his friends and family.. The risk to his marriage would be huge. Enormous. Beyond enormous.

[Bluntness100]

Op if this was a man over the side, he would not be sending you Facebook requests where you could see his history. Not unless he was an monumental idiot. You now know everything about him, inc friends and family.

The odds are overwhelmingly he's been telling you the truth.

[IAmGrootGrootGroot]

There's only one person who's going to tell you the truth here, and that's his wife.

[AllIneedisWineandChocolate]

@Bluntness This is why im so confused, as you say, he requested me, he knew what I would see, and knew I would question him on it, the only thing that is making me doubt everything he is saying is the wedding ring thing, but, anyway, ive told him to do one now, although he is still texting me still stating he really is single,. So ive text him saying he has 48 hours to prove it, we will see

[Bluntness100]

He friend requested you though. And he knows what's on there. Unless is is incredibly stupid, to an extent he shouldn't be allowed on line without a responsible adult then the odds are he is telling the truth.

[Gizzygizmo]

100% tell her

If I was his wife I would want to know instead of finding out years down the line, wasting more time with such a waste of space

I do feel for you as you had no idea

[OutPinked]

Honestly in future don’t fall for the ‘going through a separation but still living together’ line. I can almost guarantee it always means they are actually still together and you are about to become the bit on the side.

Block him and I wouldn’t tell the wife.

[XJerseyGirlX]

Me and my ex lived together for a few months after we separated. it happens! I would just message checking that they were separated tbh.

[Oysterbabe]

I'd message her and say that he told you he was separated and you just wanted to make sure that was true before proceeding.

[ThatssomedeadbratCarrie]

My dsis stilled lived with her husband for a year after they separated. They had a room mate thing and definitely didn’t sleep together or resume relationship. Both were seeing other people. When the other people became more serious they moved out. They had no kids. It does happen.

[Runningishard]

I think he probably is separated but he’s trying to date prematurely if he’s still having to put on appearances re the wedding ring. Find someone who’s situation is more settled OP

[Alpacanorange]

I would want to be told. You don’t have to give sordid details.

[Jenasaurus]

I was living with my Ex for 2 years after we were over, just because we had a shared home, 3 children (teenagers) and he started seeing someone else, I was OK with it, but it may not be the case in this scenario, but it does happen

[Tomatoesrock]

I personally would definitely want to be told, though if I was in your situation I probably wouldn't.

Purely to avoid the drama, if it was a friends partner I stumbled on I would. It is strange he added you as a friend. They could be separated.

[greendale17]

I would tell her no question about it. She deserves to know the truth

[huttub]

I would want to know yes. My husband was on a dating site and my single friend joined, found him and had the awful job of telling me but I'm always glad she did.

[Lethaldrizzle]

Even if he was 'separated', I would not want to date a man who had so recently split up from a partner with whom he had kids.