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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is EBF always worth it?

230 replies

Storm4star · 20/10/2018 22:22

Not a TAAT, but I have just read yet another thread from a woman at her wits end of tiredness due to EBF. I have been here a few months now and it seems to be a common theme. I am honestly not trying to be goady or controversial. I know breast is best for baby but at the expense of everything else?? It’s great that more women are encouraged to breastfeed but have we gone too far the other way? Is it really worth sacrificing mums mental and physical health, her relationship, the amount of time she can spend with her other DCs just to breastfeed? AIBU to think fine yes let’s encourage breast feeding but to also encourage mums to do what’s best for the whole family, and to not feel a failure if they decide to switch to formula?

OP posts:
brookshelley · 22/10/2018 02:30

EBF DC1 for 16 months, EBF DC2 for 11 months so far. No regrets at all. From 6 months both either slept through or woke once for a bit of milk then straight back down. I work and express so they also take/took bottles.

If some women find it a struggle and do it anyway then they deserve support not judgement. They are doing what they think is best for their baby at personal sacrifice. Since when is that a bad thing?

abacucat · 22/10/2018 02:33

brook There is so much guilt for so many women that do not continue breastfeeding that I think so many just want someone to say - it is okay. You don't have to breastfeed, your baby will be fine.

Women who breastfeed and then give up because it is too difficult are at increased risk of PND. I am sure that is because of the guilt. That does not help the mothers or their babies.

brookshelley · 22/10/2018 02:43

abacucat there is something wrong with British society if breastfeeding/not breastfeeding triggers PND. In most countries around the world women BF. UK has very low rates and for some reason it's constantly said that whether or not you succeed in BF can damage mental health.

This is why I say women need support to continue, not permission to quit. Because quitting can cause guilt as you say.

abacucat · 22/10/2018 02:47

But support needs to be practical support. Not just telling women they should breastfeed.

brookshelley · 22/10/2018 02:52

Agree.

abacucat · 22/10/2018 02:58

And many women do not get that. We actually have a high rate of mothers who start breastfeeding.

Huntlybyelection · 22/10/2018 03:00

It was worth it for me. I found it really convenient, I hated the smell of formula and am inherently lazy so the time spent making up a bottle (DC1 went mixed fed when starting at nursery at 6months old, I EBF DC2 until 11 months then mixed fed with cows milk) was frustrating for me.

I much preferred just breastfeeding. Even though DC1 could be a slow feeder at time sand even though DC2 vomited all over me any time I had a sip of coffee or wine (I stopped drinking both after a few weeks once I'd figured out the link).

brookshelley · 22/10/2018 03:07

And many women do not get that. We actually have a high rate of mothers who start breastfeeding.

Yes but there are so many factors. I see many posts on MN and people give their reason for not wanting to BF "I'm worried about BF in public." So you have some kind of social pressure against BF that scares some women.

Practical support in terms of lactation consultants etc is widely needed. I lived in Asia for a period and it's common for women to hire a maternity nurse who helps with breastfeeding and helps the mother rest after birth. Compare that to the UK where women are expected to be back at Tesco's or on the school run a few days after having a baby...no wonder they struggle to establish BF.

sobeyondthehills · 22/10/2018 03:24

I have a friend who is massively into helping women breastfeeding, she has four children, I am fairly sure she has only managed to BF one of those, she talks openly and honestly about her struggles with her eldest and the pressure she put on herself to BF. Her aim now, is to encourage women to BF, but not to pile on the pressure.

I can only speak of my own experience and say I found it very easy to BF, and to be honest the whole baby stage was a piece of piss for me. DS slept for four hours, woke up fed, changed his nappy and back to sleep for four hours and repeat.

He is now 6 and making up for me being so fucking complacent

bellajay · 22/10/2018 04:59

@harrietm87 @ItLooksABitOff Thank you for the reassurance, I am sort of hoping that it will settle in the next few weeks and I’ll get a second wind.

@FuchsiaG I hope things get better for you. I felt very lucky at first as I didn’t struggle at all with the mechanics of feeding but didn’t expect it to be so physically and emotionally draining (for me). The sleep deprivation doesn’t help! I hope you manage to figure out what works for you and your family.

Liskee · 22/10/2018 06:22

FF one, EBF the second until 8 months. Was a mess from tiredness with both.

cochineal7 · 22/10/2018 06:36

I strongly believe in choice here. For what it’s worth I did EBF my DC and found it much easier- always available, no sterilisation issues, no need to go down at night to prepare a bottle. But that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone or that FF is not a pretty amazing solution. However, I think you should not underestimate the pressure by the formula companies promoting FF for years and years that has made FF become a norm making BF culturally unacceptable or seen as poor or not even considered for many women worldwide in situations where it is good for the company’s bottom line but not women’s health. And it is not a bad thing the WHO and health authorities are trying to readdress the balance. But it is ironic that their promotion of BF is seen as pressure while the FF lobby has been able to promote FF much more subtly and without any concerns over health at all.

helloooomeee · 22/10/2018 07:24

I attempted to BF both my children. It was always my intention to EBF for 6 months. I managed 11 days with DC1 and 3 days with DC2. Both were readmitted to paediatric ward with jaundice and dehydration due to lack of supply. DC1 cried constantly as he was so hungry, after first FF he slept solidly for 4 hours and became a very content little baby but the guilt I felt for failing my baby lasted a long time Sad
I am now pregnant with twins and am planning to FF or express but bottle feed but definitely no plan to EBF this time there are many reasons for this but mostly I'm just keen to avoid hospital readmission this time. Fed and healthy is best IMO.

userabcname · 22/10/2018 07:27

I did ebf but originally intended to combi feed. DS would not take a bottle though - I tried everything and every type of bottle/teat. In the end it was less stressful to just keep bf-ing! I still breastfeed him now at 16 months in fact. I will try to bf if I have another but won't stress about ebf and if next baby prefers a bottle I certainly won't beat myself up over it.

overagain · 22/10/2018 07:27

no one is forced to bf

Unless you have a 2 week old bottle refuser prepared to starve himself to the point of dehydration.

No, EBF us not always worth it and my mental health suffered enormously for it. I'm bottle feeding DC2. It's the second best nutritional choice but the best for my mental health.

Shazafied · 22/10/2018 07:32

Someone on here has said that success at BF comes down to your personality Confused

SnuggyBuggy · 22/10/2018 07:37

I don't get why they don't warn pregnant women about supply issues. It really doesn't seem as rare as the breast feeding lobby claim.

brookshelley · 22/10/2018 07:38

@overagain the bottle refusal could have been something specific to your child and their preferences. I'm in a lot of BF groups, LLL, and I've never heard of a 2 week old refusing bottles permanently because they were BF first. Maybe a 2 month old, but not a 2 week old. That's really quite unusual.

I guess what I'm saying is it's your right to do what you want, but every baby is different and your experience could be totally different with the second.

speakout · 22/10/2018 07:39

Formula companies make breastfeeding more difficult than it should be.

Formula is seen as a solution, but it actually creates the problem.

Lethaldrizzle · 22/10/2018 07:43

Yes it is worth it and it's not for a long period of life in the scheme of things.

Tadda · 22/10/2018 08:18

I EBF my (now 13 month old) DD for the first 6 months. But I feel incredibly lucky I had no problems with it at all - I (over) produced milk, she latched on beautifully within the first 10 minutes of giving birth, and even the hourly feeds were manageable in the first couple of months (I didn't express to bottle) - it was a lovely experience for me and I hope (and it does seem to have been) beneficial to her and me.

BUT....I do feel incredibly lucky that it went that way for me. I completely agree that if at any stage it was affecting my mental or physical health, I or she had difficulties with it or that it was negatively affecting my family in anyway I wouldn't have hesitated to make the switch to formula - absolutely all consideration is paramount and important - and if anyone thinks that there isn't a massive pressure immediately to EBF they must be incredibly strong in there own self not to feel it, there really is.

DD2 is due in 10 weeks - and DH and I have had the discussion that we 'hope' she takes to it in the same way DD1 did - but our situation is now different - DD1 is only 13 months and has had our complete attention for all of that time - EBF straight from breast may not be and option, DD2 may not take to it etc....

All considerations about what is for the best I agree with - but the pressure to 'keep going with it' regardless needs to stop

Shazafied · 22/10/2018 08:19

@speakout
More utter nonsense from your corner !!

How pray tell do formula companies create breastfeeding issues with individual mothers / babies ? .... how do formula companies create latch difficulties, or example , and severe pnd in mother’s who are trying their best and haven’t used formula ? Some magical thinking going on here.

@lemondrizzle - it’s for the individual mother to decide if it’s worth it . For some it is clearly not! You have no right to say otherwise.

Banana770 · 22/10/2018 08:24

EBF wasn’t worth it for me. My oldest wouldn’t latch despite the efforts of a lot of people, I desperately wanted to go home after a very tough long labour and EMCS, so we switched to formula. I spent a lot of months beating myself up about that.

DS, two years later, latched absolutely fine but he wasn’t gaining weight all that well and I felt awful about not spending more time with my older child - plus was shattered and needed to be able to share night wake ups with DP. I combination fed until 12 weeks, I could have EBF but for me it wasn’t worth it for my sanity or the impact on my older child. I fully support folks BF and take my hats off to them, but it wasn’t for me! No regrets.

speakout · 22/10/2018 08:24

Shazafied

Are you seriously telling me you can'# work that out?

speakout · 22/10/2018 08:26

can't