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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be saddened by some posters on here

150 replies

looneymoons · 20/10/2018 21:01

I'm hoping these posters are just the minority on here and in real life, but it really saddens me to read incredibly nasty posts on some threads. Threads where the OP is only giving us a snippet of their lives and where they're looking for a bit of advice on here.

In real live would these people actually behave like this to someone in their hour of need?

Do people not think that the OP may be depressed and that nasty comments could be something that pushes them over the edge? Do they even care?

Please give me some faith in humanity and tell me that these posters are, thankfully, a rarity.

OP posts:

JustABrokenDoll · 20/10/2018 22:09

I think being ignored must be so much more painful for them.

Yet here we all are posting on a thread dedicated to them.

I agree that some posters are deliberately nasty. Report them - with enough strikes they'll get the ban hammer.

LethalWhite · 20/10/2018 22:10

Depends what the post is.

If it’s a post in bereavement and people are piling in with horrible out of context nastiness, then yeah that’s not ok

But people posting in AIBU should expect a roasting, that’s what it’s for.

I don’t recognise the mumsnet youare describing OP. And I really dislike the ‘what if someone’s depresssed and it tips them over the edge’ argument. People are resonsible for themselves, if they are so bloody fragile they shouldn’t be asking for opinions on an anonymous forum. You aren’t responsible for someone’s suicide if you call them a snob for not letting their kids go to a friends house

HTH

VladmirsPoutine · 20/10/2018 22:10

All that said, I've noticed on Friday and Saturday evenings/nights this place turns into a free-for-all.

Flowerpot2005 · 20/10/2018 22:14

Agree with you all, some women on MN are truly vile creatures.

Oswaldspengler · 20/10/2018 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WetWang · 20/10/2018 22:25

Well said LethalWhite

LavendarGreen · 20/10/2018 22:26

I do notice a few horrible posts and horrible posters, but many are OK.

What does piss me off is when someone posts a thread, and the first 2 or 3 posters have a go, then another 10 posters join in and tear the poster to shreds. It's like mob rule, and it's horrible to watch. In addition, I hate the ganging up and making out someone is thick/bigoted/uneducated if they don't share their left wing views. 5 or 6 posters pile in and start mocking and talking about the poster in question as if they're not there (when they know they are.)

I don't see right wing people doing this to people who don't agree with them.

I also get pissed off with people posting threads with a 'dilemma' and when they don't get the responses they want, they get mumsnet to delete it, by saying 'the OP is afraid this is too outing in real life.' No way was it 'outing' in most cases.

One thread today about someone's partner not being invited to her mate's wedding, and she had absolutely no problem at all with the thread, or what people were saying, and she kept responding on it. Then someone suggested her partner maybe have tried it on with her friend, and she went silent, and about an hour later, BANG, the thread had gone. The deletion message said 'the OP is worried it may identify her' (or something similar...)

So that pisses me off, threads disappearing when the OP doesn't like what people are saying.

RelicHunter · 20/10/2018 22:27

Sometimes i prefer a nasty post to be kept up because its there forever to show what a nasty person the poster it. Its quite disappointing sometimes when such postings are deleted.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/10/2018 22:31

Yes I see what you mean Relic, if a post is reported for being nasty I think that MNHQ would speak to the poster and not just delete it, therefore hopefully making them think twice before posting something shitty again.

VladmirsPoutine · 20/10/2018 22:40

People are resonsible for themselves, if they are so bloody fragile they shouldn’t be asking for opinions on an anonymous forum. You aren’t responsible for someone’s suicide if you call them a snob for not letting their kids go to a friends house.

This remarkably illustrates the point I want to make. Of course you won't be responsible for someone committing suicide if you call them a snob for not letting their kids go to a friends house. But oftentimes, for a lot of posters Mumsnet provides them with an opportunity to seek advice on issues they may not be ready or willing to disclose in their personal lives. It works as a platform to offload, read about others' experiences and seek no-holds-barred advice/judgement.

I don't wish to derail the thread but there was once a poster who had had an abortion when she was in her late teens. She started a thread at the grand old age of 35 about a recent miscarriage she'd suffered and in a sort of off-the-cuff manner suggested that her recent miscarriage was punishment for her earlier choice to abort a baby. That comment received somewhat of the typical AIBU pile on. I, having been through the exact same experience as she did, pretty much down to the ages and circumstances as her, posted on the thread telling her I completely understood where she was coming from. I've not seen her post again since that thread, though granted she might have name-changed and still be very active - even indeed maybe on this thread. But the point still stands. She didn't need the pile on and derision of others to make her feel any worse than she was already feeling in that moment.

moredoll · 20/10/2018 22:55

WetWang

Well said LethalWhite

This happens a lot.^
But if you actually look at what LethalWhite said it was

But people posting in AIBU should expect a roasting, that’s what it’s for.

HTH

So not a bunch of roses, and diametrically opposed to what most pps are saying.

LethalWhite - it does sound a bit Russian, doesn't it?

A580Hojas · 20/10/2018 23:00

So what thread or threads is this post actually about? I can't detect any difference in MN to how it has been for about the past 3 years.

LethalWhite · 20/10/2018 23:02

moredoll - what?

Can you explain further, preferably using old Russian proverbs so I can understand you?

Willow2017 · 20/10/2018 23:04

If someone is feeling overwhelmed and is asking for a bit of support to help her/him through something the "i am not responsible for them" argument doesnt excuse a bunch of people piling on them often not having actually read what the poster has actually said but just dying to tell them how crap they are and how much better than them they are. Its unecessary and not only reflects back on the person writing the vile post but can also make the op feel they are to blame (when quite clearly they arent) and just maybe accept abuse as normal, feel they have failed as a parent, are useless etc.

These are real people not some animated bots in a computer game.

Having a bit of empathy or just plain common sense or good manners shouldn't be a lot to ask from other adults.

PippaRabbit · 20/10/2018 23:10

Another 'you're all bitches' thread.

Except no we're not. And it's always better to take it up on the thread itself, rather than starting the latest in the series of threads berating all and sundry for being horrible.

Anyone would think it's actually a campaign to denigrate MN and MNetters, as they come up so often.

I haven't seen one person calling anyone a bitch but I'm about to. If posters attempt to challenge any nasty comments they're often piled on. What the OP is saying is there's no need for the bloody nasty and uncalled for comments on threads when people are posting for advice and struggling. There's one poster I see constantly on here who's is an absolute bitch and as soon as they post the pile on happens. They must lead a pretty sad and pathetic life if all they have to do with their time is make obnoxious posts!

Willow2017 · 20/10/2018 23:11

Wetwang

Oh ffs women.can read and tell the difference between.a joke, a bit of a light hearted thread and a serious thread and tell the dofference between a poster who is actually contributing to a thread and one who is just piling into the op just the sake of it. Too look 'big' or to show off how 'edgy' they are, 'tell it like it is' brigade etc etc. Its all just an excuse to vilify someone annonymously and whip up a mob type reaction. For an adult forum.its pathetic.

peachgreen · 20/10/2018 23:17

I posted (under another name) when I was really struggling with a mental health issue. I put it in AIBU deliberately because I felt I deserved (and almost wanted) a good kicking. Instead I got nothing but support and caring which really made a difference in real life. I think the posters in AIBU don't suffer fools (or trolls) gladly but 90% of the time if someone is in genuine distress they'll be helped and supplied.

gamerchick · 20/10/2018 23:17

Meh it's the same since I joined.

Yanno, instead of whinging about how shit it is, has it not occured to any of you to join said threads and stick up for people? I'm seeing 4 pages of hand wringing which could be 4 pages of support on a thread you think needs it.

YouTheCat · 20/10/2018 23:18

Exactly, Willow.

There's a few posters on here on this thread who are absolute twats on a number of threads. I don't care that it's AIBU, if a subject is sensitive or a poster appears to be vulnerable, then use some sense and either scroll on by or at least try and be constructive and offer advice.

paffuto · 21/10/2018 00:09

I saw this a week ago. It was unbelievably spiteful and was taken down in the end. The bullies even lowered themselves to the point of calling OP's four year old nasty names.!! Shocking, I'd never seen that before. Just me and another poster sticking up for OP and four year old. She said she would return later to let us know how the dc's day had been. A poster actually came back to say "don't bother, we don't care". WTAF? Why would anyone do that?

PippaRabbit · 21/10/2018 00:32

Paffuto was that the thread where the OP's child bit another in school and she defended his actions by saying he was "settling in"?

GunpowderGelatine · 21/10/2018 00:41

YANBU. I'm a little tonight with MN. I posted saying how my kids don't eat 3 meals a day because they're just not that hungry, and my god the hysteria. I MUST give children three meals day if not more,they are CLEARLY malnourished, I'm doing it apparently because I can't be arsed washing dishes and I have an eating disorder too. According to MN at least. No one is really accepting that they have small appetites, and I think a few posters may have called social services on me.

This is not normal life. For about 90% of questions posed in AIBU that get hysterical responses, I'd say if you posed that question to a mate IRL their response would be 'fair enough' or 'yeah same here'.

GunpowderGelatine · 21/10/2018 00:41

Ah my smilie failed, that should be 'I'm a little tonight

GunpowderGelatine · 21/10/2018 00:41

A little confused. FFS

GunpowderGelatine · 21/10/2018 00:47

I'm also sick of seeing poster diagnose other posters with . They don't know this person, have read 120 words about their life and think they're qualified to tell them they have psychological problems/autism/PTSD. Or that their DH is a narcissist/has aspergers etc. Fuck off - what do people actually get out of doing that? Sometimes things are just actually black and white. And sometimes DH'a are just arseholes, no diagnosis needed

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