Lazy? Ungrateful? I don't understand!

[worriedandanxious]

Long story short, I basically offered a friend (who is a single parent on benefits - child is older primary age) a very decently paid job with flexible hours and not much of a commute. Much more than she'd ever get from claiming anything, but it seemed like the realisation that she'd have to start paying her rent herself and loose CTC wasn't worth it, and she flat out refused. I really don't know why, when even after paying the bills she'd have more than she does now. Feeling pretty peed off at how dismissive she was about the job, even though it's the type of work she's done in the past and is more than capable of. Am I overreacting?

Are you surmising that this is the case or did she tell you that was the reason?

Yes, sorry OP, but you are overreacting. I can understand that you're pissed off as you tried to do her a favour, but it's entirely up to your friend whether to accept a job or not. She may have lots of good reasons you don't know about.

Don’t take it so personally.

Recruitment is a two way process. Maybe she realised that working for a friend would be madness, especially one who thought she should be grateful for the job.

But some people just don’t want to work. Yes I agree with you lazy and ungrateful

I wouldn't work for someone who thought I should be grateful for a job. Nor would I give up a safe secure income stream for a job I thought probably wouldn't work out.

Maybe she doesn’t like you,
Maybe she suffers from aniexty
Maybe she doesn’t think she can do it
Ask her why

It was nice of you, but I really wouldn’t worry about why she turned it down.

I'd imagine it was the fact she'd be working for a friend and by the way you are talking she would be under compliment to you

I'd have to be pretty desperate to work for a friend because it completely changes the relationship and if it all goes wrong she potentially loses a job and a friend.

I know you said you were cutting a long story short but it does read like you're pretty quick to conclude that she's lazy and ungrateful. Maybe she picks up some judgmental vibes from you generally.

Give me the job I'll do anything I'm desperate.

I only assume that because it's a job that would require her register as self employed (cleaning) and she gave the impression that she thought it would be too complicated to do that.

So it's self employed, presumably a zero hours contract, and you're surprised she didn't want it? And you think she's lazy and ungrateful. Riiiiight.

If she's a very proud person she might not feel comfortable accepting your offer as a friend. If you don't think it's that, there must be some reason why she doesn't want to take an opportunity to work right now - if that's the case it's not personal at all. I wouldn't be annoyed but I would be frustrated if I felt that it was really an excuse because she didn't actually want to work

You didn’t offer a job. You offered her a contract. Huge difference.

If she was registering as self employed, surely her income wasn't guaranteed? Perhaps as a single parent she thought it safer as she was, as universal credit is such a fucker?

a job that would require her register as self employed would that cause problems if the job fell through for any reason and she needed to go on benefits again?

Ok, so you didn't actually offer her a job, as PP have said you offered her a contract with presumably no guarantee of ongoing work or a certain number of hours. Plus having to work for a friend, and by the sound of it you don't think much of her. I can see why she didn't accept your offer.

Perhaps as a single parent she thought it safer as she was, as universal credit is such a fucker?

Agreed, if she's got transitional payments, she's almost certainly better off not running the risk of interacting with UC for something that doesn't sound very secure.

I understand what you mean because I am a self employed cleaner, and I have recently done exactly the day. Offered a friend a job who is currently cleaning on contract and the books but shit pay. And mine I'm offering is guaranteed work and a lot better pay. She has recently decline because she is going on holiday in November 🤔. But I have just let her get on with it. I have a lot of people that want a permanent cleaner. But a lot of people don't seem to want to do it. It is guaranteed hours and work if you accept the clients.

She may just be scared of the change. It's very daunting to return to work after s long period of not working

YABU. Being self employed can be complicated and stressful especially if you are also in receipt of top up benefits. You didn't actually offer her a job, did you.

How decently paid is cleaning these days?

You offered her a job as a cleaner. Maybe she doesn't want a job as a cleaner.

Simple really.

You didn't offer her a job if she has to work as self-employed. If it's such a great opportunity why don't you take her on as a staff member and pay her a fixed salary?

So you have assumed that she is lazy or ungrateful because she didn't want to register as self-employed? You do realise how much this would fuck up her benefits if she needed to access them at any point?

You haven't really offered her a job at all.