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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lazy? Ungrateful? I don't understand!

126 replies

worriedandanxious · 20/10/2018 14:26

Long story short, I basically offered a friend (who is a single parent on benefits - child is older primary age) a very decently paid job with flexible hours and not much of a commute. Much more than she'd ever get from claiming anything, but it seemed like the realisation that she'd have to start paying her rent herself and loose CTC wasn't worth it, and she flat out refused. I really don't know why, when even after paying the bills she'd have more than she does now. Feeling pretty peed off at how dismissive she was about the job, even though it's the type of work she's done in the past and is more than capable of. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Applepudding2018 · 20/10/2018 17:42

OP do you not see how patronising that could be, offering to pay your friend to clean your house when she hadn't indicated that she was looking for this type of work ?

WorraLiberty · 20/10/2018 17:42

So four times a week. Let's say that's 2 hours per day (unless you really do live in a mansion).

No matter how well you pay, that's not going to earn her more than £100 per week Confused

LeftRightCentre · 20/10/2018 17:43

It would be cleaning my house for me. Four times a week. Guaranteed hours and I would be paying a lot more than minimum wage.

WTAF? 'Come skivvy for me.' That's not going to be enough to live on. Who the hell would want to become their mate's housemaid? Get real! You're not offering a job, you're offering uncertain servitude, with her having to become self-employed and pay all her taxes and NI, too. I'd be affronted if a so-called friend proposed this to me and then slagged me off on the internet because I didn't fancy scrubbing her toilets 4x/week.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 20/10/2018 17:45

Cleaning your house four times a week would pay enough to cover her rent, bills, food, clothing, travel costs, possibly childcare and whatever luxuries she might occasionally consider? Pull the other one Op Hmm

corythatwas · 20/10/2018 17:48

So she should give up all her chance of benefits not only now, but probably without the chance of ever getting them back if you change your mind and leave her stranded? And she should do this for a part-time job, 4 times a week, for someone who has so little understanding of the self-employed situation that they are already calling her lazy and ungrateful? OP, if she has any sense of responsibility to her child, she will stay well clear.

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 17:48

Even threehours a day 4 days a week is only 12 hours.

Tats never ever going to be a decent wage. Ever.

lalalalyra · 20/10/2018 17:52

There's no way that a four day week cleaning job - even if you pay her well - will cover everything you've said unless you are going to massively overpay her or have her beholden to you in some other way (on call somehow etc).

pinkyredrose · 20/10/2018 17:53

Cleaning your house 4 times a week and you think that's going to cover her rent, c tax, bills, food etc and she'll still be better off than on benefits? ! How exactly? Ffs how much are you offering her an hour?

WorraLiberty · 20/10/2018 17:56

Your business must have taken an amazing turn for the better OP

I mean considering less than 3 weeks ago you couldn't afford £200 per month to rent a co-working space...

Yes, I used the AS function. So shoot me.

OutragedEtc · 20/10/2018 17:58

Christ how mucky is your house?

Original poster
worriedandanxious · 20/10/2018 17:58

£50 per clean (I have a big house) and I assume she would then get working tax credits and help with rent etc in top. Better than her claiming £70 a week JSA as she is currently. And she HAD been looking for a job but couldn't find anything flexible enough to fit around her child so I was only trying to help.

OP posts:
Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 17:59

So you can’t afrord £50 a week to rent a space but you can pay her enough to come off benefits. Aye aye

OutragedEtc · 20/10/2018 18:00

Yes I wonder why she didn’t immediately snatch your hand off with that offer. It’s a real quandary.

Original poster
worriedandanxious · 20/10/2018 18:00

Worra - yes I've come into money. And? I'm trying to help my friend out as she won't accept handouts

OP posts:
Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 18:00

You’re full of it and you don’t understand how benefits work.

You know if you can’t afford £50 a week for a space she will know you aren’t going to be reliable at paying her and no way would she be sensible to come off benefits, register as SE for that.

Away and wise up.

HellenaHandbasket · 20/10/2018 18:00

Oh fuck off. You wanted her to be grateful and leap up and down at the opportunity to clean your 'big house'? How condescending and utterly ignorant.

AssassinatedBeauty · 20/10/2018 18:01

Surely you can see how unhelpful that offer is! If you change your mind, which you could do at any point, then she's shafted. Plus it's weird to be beholden to a friend like that, in an employer/employee kind of relationship. Probably would be the end of the friendship really.

I'm surprised that you think she'd actually end up better off earning just £200 gross a week.

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 18:02

You’ve come into money and you’re going to drop £££ on a cleaner? Enough for her to come off benefits?

Again. Aye. That’s hardly sensible. Doesn’t smack of someone who is a good long term bet money wise.

maxthemartian · 20/10/2018 18:03

That still won't be anywhere near what she gets if you factor in her housing benefit, council tax rebate and whatever else.

maxthemartian · 20/10/2018 18:04

And she has to register as self-employed and if you stop paying her then all her benefits are messed up.

corythatwas · 20/10/2018 18:05

You haven't thought this through, OP. There will be costs involved in being self-employed, as well as the loss of benefits, and it is very unlikely that 200 gross will cover them.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 20/10/2018 18:07

You assume, you don't know and clearly haven't checked.

There was no long story to cut short here Op. You found yourself in need of a cleaner and decided your single mum friend on benefits should be grateful to scrub your toilets for you. When she declined this wondrous opportunity you started a thread strongly implying you, lady bountiful, had offered her a way out of the benefits trap and she was too idle to take it. Lazy and ungrateful, your words.

You're some friend...

EricTheGuineaPig · 20/10/2018 18:12

If you are doing this because you are 'trying to help', I can see why she doesn't want to do it. It leaves her completely at your mercy. It would change her relationship with you completely, and give you a massive amount of power. There's also something demeaning about doing that type of job for a friend. She's presumably not very well off and you want her to clean your massive big house for you and chuck a load of money at her. Great way to rub in your massive difference in circumstances.

placebobebo · 20/10/2018 18:40

If you are her only customer, you are her employer and it is not self employment. Perhaps she didn't want to risk getting into trouble for your tax dodge.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/10/2018 18:45

It would be cleaning my house for me. Four times a week. Guaranteed hours and I would be paying a lot more than minimum wage

Gosh. I can't see why she wouldn't leap at that opportunity. A friend who can’t afford to rent a work space, ‘comes into money’ Hmm offers to let you clean her house if you register as self employed, risking you losing all your benefits & stability, then gets right up herself when you say ‘Err thanks, but no thanks’...then goes onto a well known website to slag you off...

I’m thinking she made the right decision.