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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lazy? Ungrateful? I don't understand!

126 replies

worriedandanxious · 20/10/2018 14:26

Long story short, I basically offered a friend (who is a single parent on benefits - child is older primary age) a very decently paid job with flexible hours and not much of a commute. Much more than she'd ever get from claiming anything, but it seemed like the realisation that she'd have to start paying her rent herself and loose CTC wasn't worth it, and she flat out refused. I really don't know why, when even after paying the bills she'd have more than she does now. Feeling pretty peed off at how dismissive she was about the job, even though it's the type of work she's done in the past and is more than capable of. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 20/10/2018 14:58

Hang on you started out saying you offered her a very well paid job with flexible hours when what you meant was she should register as a self employed cleaner? What exactly is it you think you've so generously offered her that she couldn't already have done if she felt it suited her needs?

Juells · 20/10/2018 14:59

Don't know much about the benefit system, but if she registers as self-employed wouldn't she lose most of her benefits, and if the job then fell through have to go through quite a process to get her benefits back? I can see why she'd worry if that's the case. For all you know she may be doing a few hours here and there cash in hand.

Also, I might do cleaning if absolutely starving and out on the side of the road, but if I was just about surviving I wouldn't want to do it. It's very physically demanding.

TwistedStitch · 20/10/2018 14:59

It's also pretty disengenuous of you to insinuate in the OP that she turned it down because she didn't want to pay her own rent, when in your later post you acknowledge it was because she felt self employment was too complicated. Were you hoping to get the benefit bashers frothing?

RPC28 · 20/10/2018 14:59

Self employed cleaners are a bit different. I have a lot of clients I could give people and the clients pay the cleaners then and there after the clean. So it would be hard for me to be paying for someone a fixed amount. Being self employed isn't that hard to do. If that lady didn't want to do the job as a cleaner all she had to say was sorry I'm going to decline the offer because I'm looking at a job in different category. I don't want to go back to cleaning. I understand where your coming from op.

RPC28 · 20/10/2018 15:01

Poor op.
She might I genuinely Menai f she has been offered some cleaning jobs and has had to many offers so was wondering if her friend wanted to do them 🤔 one of those days by the looks of it 🙄

RPC28 · 20/10/2018 15:01

You can also get a lot of different benefits being self employed.

Ohyesiam · 20/10/2018 15:02

Self employed is not a job

RPC28 · 20/10/2018 15:02

No but cleaning is a job.

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 15:02

That’s not a job that’s a contract.

I wouldn’t leave a job and go self employed either the risk is massive.

She would have to go on UC if she needed to claim benefits again.

Just no. How the fuck could you even think this was offering her a job? Is it some sort of tax dodge on your behalf?

RPC28 · 20/10/2018 15:03

She said she has a cleaning job for her fiend to do. It it meant registering as self employed.

RPC28 · 20/10/2018 15:04

No because I am self employed and my partner is self employed and we earn a bit of money a month. And also pay our taxes. I left a 30 hour deputy manger job to do self employed cleaning and I get more money per month now than I did on my previous job

RPC28 · 20/10/2018 15:05

Depends how many kids you have. If you have more than 2 children where I live then you can't get uc.

TwistedStitch · 20/10/2018 15:05

Why 'poor OP'? People aren't public property just because they are claiming benefits. She said no thanks, all OP had to say was no worries, just thought I'd offer. The woman doesn't have to explain her circumstances to the OP just so OP can decide whether she should be labelled lazy or ungrateful.

Notacluewhatthisis · 20/10/2018 15:06

Got to be honest. I earn ok. Better than benefits would be. But I work full time and am a single parent. The extra couple of hundred quid a month I am better off, often doesn't feel worth it.

When you weigh up the petrol, breakfast club, after school club then consider that I don't sit down. Start my day at 5am, get myself ready, get ds ready, get him to breakfast club, straight to work. Work 8 hours, pick ds up, get is at 4.45pm start cooking dinner, put some washing in, do bits of house work, do ds' homework, try and spend some quality time with him, do his bath and put him to bed, then finally manage to sit down at 8.30pm and am ready for bed at 9. Because I have to do this 5 days a week. Honestly, yes sometimes it doesn't seem that working is the better option. And the couple of hundred quid, doesn't seem worth it.

Unfortunately, I wouldn't want to soley live off the state. So do it . Still doesn't always make me happy though.

RibbonAurora · 20/10/2018 15:06

Yeah, if you were offering an actual job with fixed, guaranteed hours and pay that's one thing (though it still leaves the problematic issue of friends working for friends which is a fine power balance line to walk) but you're not offering that kind of job are you? She had a child to provide for and I don't blame her for not wanting to risk her current situation for what sounds to be a lot of hassle with no certainty as to hours and income. I'd tell you no too.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 20/10/2018 15:06

Yes we know RPC28 but many of us are pointing out this isn't quite the impression given in the opening post and the potential risks for a single parent!

RPC28 · 20/10/2018 15:09

@CantSleepClownsWillEatMe
I get that but just seems like a lot of people are having a bash at the op. And I don't think that's fair and people slating people for being self employed. When actually depending on the situation of the person self employment does work for some. My partner was self employed before we were together and I was before we met. And I used to be a single parent before and it worked out spot on for me

category12 · 20/10/2018 15:09

Suggesting she becomes a self-employed cleaner is not the same as you offering her a job. She'd have to sort out her own tax etc and it's not secure, and complicates things for benefits. YABU.

TheHatOfDoom · 20/10/2018 15:09

If you take into account the passport benefits she likely qualifies for - free prescription, free school meals etc etc and the costs of getting to work and being in work is she still better off?

AssassinatedBeauty · 20/10/2018 15:11

No one is slating the self employed! Just pointing out that it's not what everyone wants or can do.

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 15:12

I wouldn’t ever want to be self employed and I won’t work for a small firm.

lalalalyra · 20/10/2018 15:13

As well as the self employed (and therefore not guaranteed) aspect were you offering for her to be your cleaner or work under you? I'd never work for family or friends. Especially with the zero protection that self employment/zero hours offer - one fall out and you are friendless and jobless.

Juells · 20/10/2018 15:13

TwistedStitch

I'm afraid that's how I'd feel as well. The job offer was well-meant, but the friend was entitled to say No as she knows her own circumstances better. I'd be quite worried about taking a contract job in the friend's shoes.

HollowTalk · 20/10/2018 15:14

Better not to employ friends. You can end up without an employee or a friend.

LeftRightCentre · 20/10/2018 15:17

You didn't offer her a job a steady job. Disingenuous GF post.

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