Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my phone settings are my own business?

122 replies

dellacucina · 20/10/2018 01:36

Tonight I was out for a rare dinner with a friend.

DH called during dinner because DD was vomiting and he felt I needed to come take care of her. I normally have all sounds off. I was in the middle of dinner and didn't see the message for about 30 minutes (unusual for me). My friend asked why he could not take care of his own daughter and encouraged me to pay our bill and finish our meal before responding (about 10 minutes more max).

When I got home DH gave me a bollocking for not having my ringer on. I told him that this generally works well and I would not have heard the ring anyway in the restaurant.

I normally check my phone obsessively. (For his part DH has a habit of leaving his phone in his jacket and becoming uncontactable for a long time).

AIBU to leave sounds off my phone?

NB: I have brought this up as a side point in a separate thread

OP posts:
steff13 · 20/10/2018 01:40

YANBU.

ohamIreally · 20/10/2018 01:42

Your partner should be able to take care of your child YANBU

RoboJesus · 20/10/2018 01:47

What if your daughter had to be taken to hospital? What if she really needed medicine but you had run out? What if your daughter was crying her eyes out asking for mummy? It's just not something you can do when you become a parent

Original poster
dellacucina · 20/10/2018 01:49

RoboJesus: pretty much every time I go out he sends messages about how DH is crying for me etc.

It was about 10:30 so I would not have been able to pick up medicine. I keep us well stocked in the basics

That said, I feel guilty now.

OP posts:
Original poster
dellacucina · 20/10/2018 01:50

*DD is crying

OP posts:
whyispeppainthenightgarden · 20/10/2018 01:58

robojesus so what if she had been workingcabd u contactable ?

whyispeppainthenightgarden · 20/10/2018 01:59
  • and was uncontactable
penisbeakers · 20/10/2018 01:59

Wow he's a shit parent if he can't handle a vomiting child without resorting to having a childish tantrum himself. Seems like you've also got a manchild.

EBearhug · 20/10/2018 02:01

YANBU. It's annoying for other diners when phones ring. You might not have heard it anyway, you could have been somewhere out of signal, you could have got stuck in traffic. Half an hour is not long.

You are allowed a rare night out. He should be able to cope with his own daughter being sick.

RoboJesus · 20/10/2018 02:02

There's always somewhere open to pick up medicine. Besides I just couldn't bare it if my child was crying out for me and I didn't pick up the phone to tell them that everything will be alright and that I love them

flumpybear · 20/10/2018 02:02

Bloody hell its vomit, can't he cope?! Saying that, my DD vomited a few years ago and husband decided it was sensible to .... wait for it ..... HOOVER it up!! I shit you not!

Oh, my brand new Dyson too 🤬🤬🤬

FangTasticFeast · 20/10/2018 02:03

She had a parent with her. How do people think LPs cope when children are ill?

So what happens if a child is ill and is crying for its other parent and they are at work? Should they just leave and come home?

It was 30 minutes, if a child had to go to hospital with their other parent you would just meet them there.

Why is he messaging you every time you go out to tell you dd is crying for you? Sounds like it’s all a big guilt trip

How is dd now ?

7salmonswimming · 20/10/2018 02:04

This has got nothing to do with phone settings Hmm

I would expect DH to be able to look after his vomiting child without my input. Equally, I’d check my phone more frequently than every 30 mins if the child were a baby or toddler - things can happen suddenly and dramatically when they’re little, and I’ve noticed they have an annoying habit of happening on the one night you’ve planned to go out. They know, I’m sure of it. I certainly would have called DH back as soon as I saw the missed calls/ texts, and would not have waited around to leisurely finish up (I would have guiltily told friend I need to hurry home, sorry could we skip dessert).

If your child is 5+, he’s making a mountain out of a molehill.

plominoagain · 20/10/2018 02:07

I’d be more than willing to bet that OP ‘s DH would manage to finish a dinner out , uninterrupted , if OP was home with a vomiting child .

The child has TWO parents . TWO . Both of them should be perfectly capable of looking after their sick child alone . How very dare the OP not drop everything and fly home .

OP, please don’t feel guilty . You’re a mother , not a martyr . You are allowed out occasionally .

civicxx · 20/10/2018 02:09

How old is DD? Just out of curiosity.
All good & well for DH to let you know child was sick, but I don't think their was any need for you to have to cut your meal short, child crying for you or not, DH should be able to handle one sickly child having a winge for mum!

YANBU & don't feel guilty either!! Bet if it was the other way round DH would say there was a huge que at the taxi rank & show up 2 hours later!

Original poster
dellacucina · 20/10/2018 02:09

DD is 2.

We did skip dessert. It took just over 2 hours and he called right in the middle of the mains. (I think this is why I didn't check my phone for so long.)

OP posts:
AutumnEvenings · 20/10/2018 02:13

My DH would never have come home if one of our DCs was vomiting, quite the opposite. I would have coped, but men are special after all.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/10/2018 02:16

Does he call you to wipe his arse, too? This is fucking ridiculous. He is a grown man and the father. He should be able to handle a sick child for a couple of fucking hours. Don't put up with this bullshit.

ThatWouldBeNO · 20/10/2018 02:20

Is he often in sole charge of your daughter? If he rings and guilt-trips you each time he is left responsible, then I think there are huge issues there.......

LagunaBubbles · 20/10/2018 02:45

This is complete madness. My DH would never come home if any of our boys were vomiting and he wouldn't expect me to either. That's because we are both parents and have to deal and are able to deal with the grotty things about parenthood. Clearly he's guilt tripping you so you don't go out. And sadly it's working. That's very controlling behaviour.

chatwoo · 20/10/2018 03:35

You are not being unreasonable. If you can't take a few hours for yourself, without having to check your phone all the time, well, I despair... Sad. Its not like your little one was left with a relative or child minder. I'd hope her father could manage the situation and update you one you got back home

Howardgreene · 20/10/2018 04:21

I’m not sure why your dh couldn’t have just let you be and taken care of your dd. A bit of vom vom is a non issue.

On another note, I wonder how we even coped 20 years ago without mobile phones! Now we’ve gotta be contactable 24/7 because the sky might be falling in!

Groovee · 20/10/2018 04:25

I don't think you were unreasonable. Your Dd has 2 parents, both of whom are capable of looking after her by themselves when she's poorly.

My friend's husband used to do this when she went out. Every single time! Then he would've stood at the window when she went home, Dd sound asleep!

My dh coped just fine if I was out.

KC225 · 20/10/2018 05:25

YANBU. It was unfortunate but 2 year olds gets sick. It was not an emergency. Please do not feel guilty. Your daughter was with her parent.

He needs to be more confident whilst looking after her. If you do the major care, its only natural for your DD to wake and call for you but he needs to be able to reassure her that 'Daddy's here.....' And not panic then ruin your evening. Last night was not an emergency.

user1457017537 · 20/10/2018 05:30

Chill! there was nothing you could have done she had already vomited. You were in a rare meet up with a friend for dinner, what if you were in a different country for work.
DH should deal with this