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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a guy I've been chatting to online dating who lives an hour away and asks me out on a date should sugget a pub near me rather than

118 replies

Datingdilemashmm · 19/10/2018 20:35

As title says I've been chatting to a guy online who asked me out and then said "how about we meet in x town as its roughly half way". I know I know, gender equality.. why should he drive to me but is chivalry /etiquette totally dead?! Hes an hour away and has suggested somewhere half way. I sort of would like a guy to offer to come my way and I choose a local pub. If he did offer / suggest I'd then say oh thank you, thats thoughtful but I dont mind meeting half way... I mean I'd at least like him to offer!

Or if i accepted then of course on Date two I'd then offer to go to his town.

I totally get equality etc and why should he come to me just cos hes the guy!.. but I just think on a first date a guy should be a gentleman and offer? What are your thoughts?

He seems a nice guy and im tempted to agree to his half way offer altho im disapointed!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 19/10/2018 20:36

I'd say it sounds like a guy who does a lot of dating.

Most here will say you are wrong, but I think you are right!

Awrite · 19/10/2018 20:37

Yes, it's nice to be nice.

WishUponAStar88 · 19/10/2018 20:37

You’re being a bit ridiculous half way sounds perfectly sensible to me! He’s not expecting you to travel further than him, as you say why should he make all the effort?

TeaAndNoSympathy · 19/10/2018 20:37

I’d expect to meet halfway TBH.

Stripybeachbag · 19/10/2018 20:38

I'd expect halfway as well.

ilovesooty · 19/10/2018 20:39

His suggestion sounds reasonable to me.

CarryOnScreamingValenta · 19/10/2018 20:39

I would base it on who issued the invitation, rather than different male/female expectations. The one who invites should be the one to make more effort, to accommodate you, his guest.

MischiefManagedAlways · 19/10/2018 20:40

YABU. I think half way is totally acceptable.

NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler · 19/10/2018 20:41

Half way sounds perfectly fair to be.

Although that said DP met me in my town on our 1st date (Actually all our dates) but that's because he drives and I don't. Plus we met either after I finished work at 8pm or when the DC were at school and it meant we were less limited by train/pick up times.

I did offer to meet half way/go to his town for the 2nd date but he insisted. Grin

SaucyJack · 19/10/2018 20:41

Halfway sounds very reasonable. I’m sure many would think he was after something extra if he suggested a pub next door to their house.

ShadyLady53 · 19/10/2018 20:41

I do understand your way of thinking but I think that half way is only fair!

There's a guy that I know who is very into me (he's desperate to be married) and he would consider himself to be very traditional and gentlemanly but he always suggests I go to his home city or further afield - 1 to 3 hour round trip for me! He's never once offered to meet halfway or come to my hometown which would only take him 30 mins from his work. He was even pissed off that I was buying a home IN my hometown rather than in his. There are many reasons I'm not attracted to him but his insistence that I always go to him or further afield really put me off him even more! I'd consider half way meets to be a vast improvement and they'd put you on a level of equality from the start.

Thebluedog · 19/10/2018 20:42

I’m with you OP, I’d expect him to offer to come to you... if he’s asking that is. My now dh, asked me out and drove 1.5 hrs to meet me locally

ZenNudist · 19/10/2018 20:42

Half way is about right

Barker26 · 19/10/2018 20:45

Halfway is fine ? Especially as you don't actually mind but just want him to "make the effort"? You want him to offer to come to you just so you can say no and offer to meet him halfway? Don't get it. Maybe he doesn't want a long drive home? Hmm

Birdsgottafly · 19/10/2018 20:45

"I would base it on who issued the invitation, "

That doesn't really work for online dating.

Chivalry comes from the patriarchal view of Women, so, I want that to die out tbh.

If you want a mutually respectful relationship, you shouldn't have an issue with meeting half way.

If you want to be treated as a little Woman, then he may not be for you.

LeftRightCentre · 19/10/2018 20:45

I wouldn't bother with anyone that far away. We had a term for it back in our dating dates: geographically undesirable.

FascinatingCarrot · 19/10/2018 20:45

Halfway.

MaisyPops · 19/10/2018 20:46

Half way seems perfectly reasomable.
What jumps out to me more is that it's neither here nor there for you, you just want him to be put out "for you".

Oswaldspengler · 19/10/2018 20:47

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HildaZelda · 19/10/2018 20:52

Halfway sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Why should he have to make all the effort?

seven201 · 19/10/2018 20:54

I really don't get your logic on this. You haven't even met you yet. Halfway is a good suggestion. If he'd offered to come near to you you'd probably be thinking he was expecting to be invited back to yours after.

SushiMonster · 19/10/2018 20:55

Half way is fair to me

bringbackthestripes · 19/10/2018 20:55

Poor bloke, he doesn’t tell you to travel all the way to him because that would put you out, he doesn’t say he will travel all the way to you because why should he be the only one making the effort?
So he does the decent thing and suggest meeting on neutral ground and he is STILL in the wrong Confused
Tell him not to waste his time /money, you are clearly not into him.

RebelWitchFace · 19/10/2018 20:57

A lot of women actually prefer neutral territory,neither his or hers. You have the option of suggesting something closer to you. If you really don't care and just want to know he'd do(walk 500 miles) whatever for you then i find that quite immature. But that's just me.

Original poster
Datingdilemashmm · 19/10/2018 20:57

Thanks for all your views :-) i think it stemed from the way he asked me out tbh... a bit half hearted but maybe im being harsh i dont know.. he said at the end of a general chatty message ... "are any of your evenings free at all?". I said "im usually free thursdays and saturdays". He then said "thursday could work for me"... then when i said thurs was good for me he said " how about x town as its roughly half way"... i dont know..

OP posts: