To expect a guy I've been chatting to online dating who lives an hour away and asks me out on a date should sugget a pub near me rather than

[Datingdilemashmm]

As title says I've been chatting to a guy online who asked me out and then said "how about we meet in x town as its roughly half way". I know I know, gender equality.. why should he drive to me but is chivalry /etiquette totally dead?! Hes an hour away and has suggested somewhere half way. I sort of would like a guy to offer to come my way and I choose a local pub. If he did offer / suggest I'd then say oh thank you, thats thoughtful but I dont mind meeting half way... I mean I'd at least like him to offer!

Or if i accepted then of course on Date two I'd then offer to go to his town.

I totally get equality etc and why should he come to me just cos hes the guy!.. but I just think on a first date a guy should be a gentleman and offer? What are your thoughts?

He seems a nice guy and im tempted to agree to his half way offer altho im disapointed!

Chivalry is just misogyny dressed up in fancy clothes. You don't understand equality at all, I'm assuming you'll also expect him to pay. If he knows what's good for him there won't be a second date, and when you find the man who pays for everything, treats you like 'a princess' don't come back moaning because he expects you to clean the house, look after the kids, sneers at your 'little job' , while he does as he pleases because he's the 'breadwinner'. Be careful what you wish for.

Half way sounds fair to me

Half way is fair.

I think chivalry and equality work both ways. It's a first date with someone you have never met before so equality and respect to each other are the way to go. But that's my view and we are all diff. I think don't think too deeply about it. Another thought, if it doesn't feel right then consider whether you want to go.

Yes you are being completely unreasonable

Well, if he was offering to come to your town, it could be a bit embarrassing at the end of the evening. He might expect to be invited back to yours for coffee. You might not want to invite him, you might not like him but feel obliged because he'd travelled so far... It could all get very awkward. Half way is perfect, then you won't feel obliged.

Your first date is the one where you decide if the person you've been chatting to is actually your type. For that reason you should aim for a short date, something like a coffee and definitely somewhere halfway between the two of you in case he turns out to be a mad stalker type.
Half way is not only reasonable but actually very sensible.

It would put me off too

What @AyoadesChinDimple and @ Singlenotsingle said.

Personally when I was online dating I wouldn't have bothered going on a date with someone who lived an hour away in the first place tbh. So you must be fairly interested in each other to make the effort of driving a one hour round trip. No way would I have ever done a two hour round trip for someone I'd never ever met.

Half way seems fair for a 1st date. Be prepared to pay for your own food and drink and no no expectations on either side which means no obligations either. It's part of the OLD life. To be honest you sound like your not that enthusiastic anyway and the distance is becoming more of an issue than it might be otherwise.

Ask yourself if the relationship continues would you be happy shuttling back and forth regularly? Or would he become less desirable on that issue alone?

Regardless of chivalry or whatever, surely a first 'date' in OLD is literally just a meeting to see if there is any point in continuing? You've chatted, like eachother, and need to see if there's a wee spark?

Who wants to drive an hour each way for a thirty to sixty minute coffee and cake?

But there are always those people who want to put all their eggs in a basket that isn't even being offered.....

This could actually be me. Am meeting a bit I've been chatting to an hour away. He suggested somewhere half way which looks lovely and maybe a bit closer to me. Didn't even think twice about it. There's gonna have to be a huge spark for me to make an hour away work

Read it all 🤨 nahh make him travel and prove his worth

OP, sorry YABU.

ShadyLady53 there is nothing gentlemanly about a man who would consider having an affair. Please have some more self respect and cut all contact with him.

One person pays to travel for an hour, the other pays for the bulk of food/drinks to even it out - fair.

Both pay to travel half an hour, share the cost of the food/drinks - fair.

One person pays to travel an hour, share the cost of the food/drinks - not so fair.

Depends on how much is going to be spent by each party really.

(But personally I would have offered to go to you to save you the travelling.)

Of course, if one person finishes work significantly earlier than the other person then they could do more travelling as they could set out earliest, then the evening out could start earlier so you have more time to get to know each other (if it works out, you might not want to stay more than 5 minutes once you've met irl).

And now I'm going to over think this and come up with dozens more possibilities and viable reasons to do them all. Better stop now before my head explodes.

I agree with you OP

I'd want him to offer to travel..Equality is all well and good but plenty of time for that from date 2 onwards. I met DH online 9 years ago. He travelled an hour to me for our first meeting and we dated for about a year before we moved in together with us taking it in turns to travel. It didn't seem an excessive distance to me.

Halfway seems very reasonable. If they suggested beside me, my radar would be up that sex was expected- close to the house means close to bed. A half hour drive, both parties remain sober, I'm good with that.

I would have never expected anything other than half way, it’s what would spring immediately to mind in that situation.

I wouldn't date someone who lived more than 5kms away. I'd prefer if it was someone on my street tbh. Then we can just walk to the chippy for our first date.

OP my now DH and I met half way for our first date (OLD) It just seemed the most practical and fair way of meeting up. I can't even remember who suggested it him or me, it just ended up that we would meet in a midway point on the map. Hey the rest is history as they say.

Having said that, there was already a spark and chemistry there, which increased the likelihood of success. It sounds like your interactions so far have been, ahem, lacklustre?

Adding to the chorus of those saying half way is fine.

He also might be suggesting it because he knows it is good and doesn’t want to choose somewhere he hasn’t been before in case it is bad and he wants to make a good impression

Jesus you sound like hard work!
For first meeting halfway is completely reasonable frankly. If you hit it off and meet again then I might expect us to TAKE TURNS with the driving

Also, you're saying that you're ACTUALLY ok with meeting half way but you just want him to OFFER to come to you.
That is utterly ridiculous game playing as far as I'm concerned. Also means it's unlikely anyone will EVER be able to pass your arbitrary tests of character

Thanks for all your views :-) i think it stemed from the way he asked me out tbh... a bit half hearted but maybe im being harsh i dont know.. he said at the end of a general chatty message ... "are any of your evenings free at all?". I said "im usually free thursdays and saturdays". He then said "thursday could work for me"... then when i said thurs was good for me he said " how about x town as its roughly half way"... i dont know.. could you explain what is off putting about this ? It sounds like the way I usually make plans with people