To ask what you’d do if single, childless and likely to stay that way?

[muddywatersedge]

Aged 38.

I am here for the craic. Reddit is full of weirdos.

I don't really understand why people without kids use Mumsnet. Are there not other more obvious sites? Aibu?

Given the question the OP is asking, do you not think those who are childfree are likely to give valuable insight?

Sure, there are other sites, some of which I use as well as this one. It's not as if membership is exclusive. Do I hang out on threads specific to child rearing? No. But have a flick through AIBU. You don't need to have children to find some of it funny or to be able to make worthwhile contributions.

There are plenty of other sites but few which are so female dominated or where so many users understand many of the frustrations of daily life as a woman without saying "are you sure you're not over-reacting?".

Of course, that doesn't stop some people basically telling you to piss off and that you're not welcome.

I don't really understand why people without kids use Mumsnet. Are there not other more obvious sites?

Ahh that old chestnut. I do believe there are many many threads where this question is asked and responded to, so maybe just search. There's a dear.

Celebrate

@Padstowonthames
God there is always one.

I love this thread.

I agree with everyone... if I was single and child free I would travel the world, see friends all the time, eat out, theatre, write a book, volunteer and climb the career ladder. Then I remembered when I was single and child free I spent most of my time either enjoying wild nights out or recovering in front of Netflix binge watching shite. So... 🤔

I'm sorry, @Leigh, that sounds really difficult.

'I agree with everyone... if I was single and child free I would travel the world, see friends all the time, eat out, theatre, write a book, volunteer and climb the career ladder.''

I'm single and childless. Stoney broke so no travelling the world for me, my friends are busy with kids and basically don't want to know so it's a lonely life eating out by yourself, cinema by yourself, theatre by yourself...I work 70+ hours a week so no energy to volunteer or climb the career ladder. If I'm completely honest by life is crap.

Oh god, so many wonderful things to do I’d travel, spend time with friends, hobbies and generally have a ball. I was single and lived on my own for 10 years (mid 20s to 30s) and loved it, never got bored.

I was single and child free for a large part of my twenties and early thirties

Parts of it were great, parts of it were shit

It’s fine with ££ and lots of single child free friends - which mostly dwindle by the time you’re late thirties

I have a few older child free friends who variously

Have fabulous all encompassing careers and socialise with people that are younger

Drop out of the workforce, rely on partners funds and garden and look after dogs

Have own business, large group of female friends of various ages, holiday and cinema alone happily

So all sorts - just like people with partners & kids

You can do what makes you happy to an extent without worrying about the impact on partner or kids

Be that having kids on your own, living in a yurt, spending all your money on rescue animals, working like a loon, volunteering all weekend - whatever

I think you have to grab life now and not wait for something or someone to happen

Read as many books as I can get my hands on.
Sleep till when I wanted to get up.
Holidays galore.
Go to the toilet in peace.
Never have to deal with Makka flipping pakka again.

Best Mate did the dating sites, etc. Then she turned 40 and said ‘stuff it’. Shed already done holidays, sports car... she bought a house and renovated it. She got a dog. And then she adopted a four year old DS. (I’m totally besotted with him...) She’s got the family life she always wanted. She’s knackered all the time, but she’s doing terrifically well and she’s more alive and happy than I’ve ever seen her; balancing work and parenting and being Mum. ❤️❤️❤️

Taffeta so were many of us. It's not comparable to a woman of 40 plus facing single, child-free life.

The child free part is definitely something I could turn into a positive but I would really hate to live alone. So I would look at ways to share a house with at least one other person.

Love this thread!

Would move to Paris to teach English pursue my writing and have a stream of artistic lovers so they could gift me work that will appreciate immensely in value over time!

I have a couple of friends this position. They hate it. They can go full weekends without speaking to another soul and all they really have is work.

They really want to meet someone but just haven’t so far.

If you want a baby (which I think you said you did), then I’d go down the sperm donor route definitely.

I would widen my social circle.

Exercise a lot, focus on my career.

At 38 I was childless and single.

At 39 I had a partner and a baby.

I have lots of friends who are single with no kids. They go to really interesting events - talks, community arts stuff, etc. Some do outdoor sports like running and cycling and hiking, things like hiking easily take whole days or weekends away without costing a fortune. Some are seriously arty.
My yoga studio is full of single people who fill their lives with yoga workshops and retreats etc and just can’t understand those of us who don’t have that kind of time to ourselves.
And one friend age 45 is self employed and often works from fabulous cities abroad while renting her flat out on Airbnb.

And sorry forgot to add for balance, one single friend age 44 adopted a beautiful 2yr old last year and is now a single mum.

Love this thread!

Why? Because it’s not your life and you’re not facing it alone?

muddywatersedge
Never say never!!!
I never thought I would have kids as gay and happy with my life of work, pub, friends and dog tbh....
Then aged 40 was asked to raise a baby by someone..... bit more complicated than that but hey....
Age 41 I became a single mum and 6 years later still single and running around after a little person (a whole different happy though and wouldn't change it for the world) ((most days ))

I'm going through a divorce and have my single childless moments. When I first left my husband and he started having the kids part time 2 years ago, I totally lost the plot. I had never had to face loneliness before. I couldn't stand being in the house by myself and the pub became my preferred option 😥. Fortunately, I met a very supportive friend there in the same position and we've helped each other put our lives back together.

I met a lovely man online dating who helped me enormously in our year-long relationship. We're not together now, but he's still important in my life.

Now in my single, childless moments I've been working on putting back together the sense of my own identity which I sacrificed when I had a husband and kids. Everything I did revolved around them (by my choice). I've stopped frantically searching for Mr Right and started seeing myself as a strong, capable woman in my own right.

I think those of you fantasising about being late 30s single and without children have very little understanding of the realities.

It’s expensive and can be lonely. I have a great job etc, but my late 30s and mid40s were very difficult emotionally and financially.

You do everything on your own. No one to talk through important life decisions or help with life admin. If you face tough times at work (I had a very challenging decade in high level management) no one at home to offer emotional or domestic support or at least, distraction.

And you have to keep working. No back stop of someone else in the household earning. God forbid you get seriously ill or work on minimum wage.

And you face a pretty constant barrage of public and private criticism as a single childless woman. Your whole existence is either ignored - well, you’re of no value are you, if you’re not a “hard working family”? Or you’re treated with suspicion. There must be something wrong with you if you can’t find a partner or reproduce.

It can be marvellous, but those of you fantasising Have.No.Idea.

@shineonharvestmoon

But the thing is most people do know as they were single before and there are lots of people going through what you are with children at home added to the mix and no partner ?