Page 8 | To ask what you’d do if single, childless and likely to stay that way?

CarolDanvers · 20/10/2018 12:09

I’d qualify in some skill or professional qualification that was needed abroad and go and live the high life in the UAE with others like me. No doubt there’ll be a load of po faces at that but I have been to a lot of places and that’s the one where I always noticed a lot of older, childless people having an absolutely fab time.

Seniorschoolmum · 20/10/2018 12:10

I was single & childless at 44, had just paid off the mortgage and was planning to pile every penny I could into my pension for 10 years, then sell up and move somewhere rural and less expensive. And learn to sail. Be lazy. Off-load all the stress.

And then I started feeling oddly tired 😊 Now I’m a very old mum of one. Retirement is vanishingly distant. Oh well....

Johnnyfinland · 20/10/2018 12:20

I’m “only” 29 and intend to stay childfree forever - single, well, maybe, depends who I meet - but honestly I don’t know. I’d like to do more travelling and although I’m not bothered about buying a house, I probably should so i don’t have to rent in old age. As enticing as it sounds to up sticks and travel it isn’t very realistic, as it would involve quitting my job, spending money that could otherwise be put towards a house deposit, not having anywhere to live when I got back... it would be nice to think I’ll be financially comfortable enough in the future though to take lots of long holidays without eating into money I might need for something else. I do intend to keep progressing in my career. But apart from that, the honest answer is I don’t know, I just know my future doesn’t include having kids. I’d rather chop my limbs off

tomhazard · 20/10/2018 12:55

I'd do the masters I've been wanting to do but don't have the time, money or flexibility due to parenting 2 little ones.
I might travel to the places I could afford when I was younger.
But probably if I'm honest I'd be looking into sperm donation and having a child alone.

Gabilan · 20/10/2018 13:20

You could also work numerous jobs and save and retire early

I found my most recent FT job stressful and incredibly draining. I've done second and third jobs in the past but it just affects my mental health too much. I don't really want to work myself into the ground to get to the stage where I really just have to retire because I'm too tired and ill to work.

morningconstitutional2017 · 20/10/2018 18:08

I'd make sure that my job was interesting and fulfilling and hopefully well paid as the need for a pension is important.

I'd spend my off duty time on hobbies which I thoroughly enjoy and would perhaps take night classes in something which could provide a second string to my bow employment wise.

Don't waste a second on wondering about 'what might have been' - try to enjoy what you have. Ensure there's a good life/work balance.

Suggs44 · 20/10/2018 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

alfiesmam · 20/10/2018 18:32

Fill my bathroom with wonderful beauty products
Shop in M & S for food
Borrow other peoples children to appreciate my childless life
Then the usual lie on/ nice holidays / small car / clean uncluttered house etc

Huntlybyelection · 20/10/2018 18:45

My sister has recently started working compressed hours at work which means she can have a 9 day fortnight - t means she has to work an extra 30 or 40 minutes a day but she was doing that anyway.

It gives her time off for long weekends away without impacting annual leave which she then used for travel to far flung places.

She now lives in a gorgeous flat and enjoys spending time doing what she wants when she wants.

FortniteIsTheNewCrack · 20/10/2018 18:48

Oh fuck off suggs this is MN not Tinder

TravellingFleet · 20/10/2018 18:51

I would spend my Saturday nights lying around in bed listening to opera and eating a variety of cheese. At least, that appears to be how I’m spending this evening.

More long term, I have a smashing job working with young people, go on lots of holidays alone and with friends and relatives, live in a very glamorous city centre flat and go to the opera in the evening. Basically, I do what suits me, even though it’s not what other people my age are necessarily doing.

Littlenic73 · 20/10/2018 18:59

I would have a job with a lot of travelling. I did some travel work for a friend last month and thought that if something similar had come up in my YFS days it would have been fantastic.

TravellingFleet · 20/10/2018 19:02

More reflectively, because I have a very lively, full-on job with a lot of social interaction, I don’t feel lonely when I go home to an empty house (I do have a cat) - I enjoy the silence. I think this job characteristic is more important as a single person than if I was in a couple.
I am also very proactive in spending time with friends to keep up the social network.

MargaretCavendish · 20/10/2018 19:20

I love how many women seem to think that if they were single and childless they would also automatically win the lottery...

And also how many women seem to think that the sole reason they're not CEOs/astronauts/circumnavigating the globe is because they have children. Nah, if you didn't have children you'd still spend plenty of time watching Netflix, eating crisps and plodding along at your job. Because if you really, really wanted those things - enough that you could have made them happen if you were single - you'd do them with children. Other women do.

Justletmego · 20/10/2018 19:24

I'd go to the cinema, travel as much as possible, sleep a lot, go to the gym every day, enjoy drinking my hot drinks..

Enjoy the silence, but I think there would always have been something missing for me. I'd would of done my best to fill that up with as many luxury spa days as I could manage though.

Canuckduck · 20/10/2018 19:42

I would have a tidy, beautiful flat in the city. Shop when I wanted, eat what I wanted. Join an expensive gym and to use the hot tub. Walk home at a leisurely pace. Travel, be at a much better place in my career because I hadn’t given up work for my family. I’d probably be lonely though.

Enidblyton1 · 20/10/2018 19:45

I would rent out my house for 6 months, take a career break and use the funds to go abroad and do some volunteering for a while. I spent time on a conservation project before getting married and I’d love to do something similar again. Perhaps in Antarctica (if that’s even possible these days?) or Galapagos.
I’d also finish writing a book that’s currently taking ages because of all the distractions of family life.
Back home, I’d go to the theatre a lot, and visit art galleries. My DH isn’t interested, so I tend to do these things with girl friends anyway - just not nearly often enough.
I’d spend more time with my best friends who live around the country - spending weekends with them and enjoying indulging their kids.
At work, I’d take advantage of promotions available to me, because many women take a few years off work in their 30s/40s to raise kids and so fall off the ladder.

Pretty much everything above is on my list of things to do in my 50s when the children are grown up. I’d just do everything 20 years earlier if I didn’t have children.

Cloglover · 20/10/2018 19:53

I would put my energies into pursuing something that fulfilled me. Whether it was a career, hobby of self-enlightenmnet. If you don't have something in your life that drives you it would be easy to become isolated and unhappy.

HollyWollyDooDah · 20/10/2018 20:32

Go eventing 😂

GlasgowWorrier · 20/10/2018 20:34

At 38 I was just out of a going-nowhere relationship, and convinced that was it for me. Three years later, I married a lovely man I met through friends and became a stepmother to three teenagers. Your life can change in ways you can't predict.

You don't have to travel, volunteer, write a novel or save the world in your endless 'spare time'. You do have to get your head around the fact that you still have plenty to do with your life, just because you're not following the same path as those around you. Like PPs, I think you post about this every couple of months and while the advice is always positive and varied, you seem very reluctant to reframe your own position.

MojoMoon · 20/10/2018 20:35

@SushiMonster

Are you me?!

DonkeyHotei · 20/10/2018 21:17

Do absolutely everything in my power to ensure I had children by any means necessary. For me personally, if I didn't, I don't think life would be worth living. Thankfully not everyone is as utterly pathetic as i am though.

Gabilan · 20/10/2018 21:21

I love how many women seem to think that if they were single and childless they would also automatically win the lottery...

They seem to have acquired 48 hours in the day as well.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 20/10/2018 21:21

Here's my reality. Suffer badly from insomnia because you know you are the on,y one who earns a living in your household and you're self employed so need to keep up the workload. Worry about your elderly parent who you also have responsibilities for. Go to work and work a long day because you need the money. Come home to a house that's devoid of human life (but full of dogs so that's not too bad). Talk to dogs whilst cooking, sorting out post etc because there's no one else. Eat alone. Watch TV alone. Get a bit depressed and look at the online dating site your best friend made you sign up to when you were a bit drunk one evening. Read through profiles and realise a) none of them want a middle aged woman and b) none of them could ever compare to your late husband. Get more depressed. Go to bed, fail to sleep. Amd repeat. Include in that endless ,stories of married with children friends being smug just to twist the knife a bit more.

Padstowonthames · 20/10/2018 21:28

I don't really understand why people without kids use Mumsnet. Are there not other more obvious sites? Aibu?