AIBU to consider having another child in these circumstances?

[PoorMe123]

I hope no one minds; I posted in chat but I've had a fairly small response and this is obviously a big decision so looking for lots of feedback.

I'm a SAHM. DH & I make ends meet and have 2 DC. We've had a particularly expensive couple of years which has left us with some small debts which we are managing and will have cleared soon. We don't have any savings and are 30. Once our DC are in school I will work again and we'll have more spare cash to get savings together. We don't own our house.

If we're going to have another DC, now is the time. If we wait & I get back into work, then it's just more time off down the line & paying for childcare etc. If we have one now, we will have them all in school by the time I'm 35 so still plenty of time for me to have a good career.

Just to make sure I'm giving you all the information, DH will get 50k around the time he turns 40 (don't want to elaborate and out myself) so we will have some money coming our way in the next 10 years. Also we'd be buying in either Scotland or the North of England where home ownership isn't so expensive.

Would we be foolish to have another child in these circumstances? DH & I would both love another child and a sibling for our existing DC.

Anyone?

I wouldn’t if I was you. You are making ends meet. How will a 3rd child affect your and your children’s quality of life?

I think as long as your home is stable, and the extra expense of another child will not threaten that stability, then go for it. I would not have another if it may put you under so much pressure financially that it negatively impacts your dc that you have so far.

I am in a similar situation to you, so don't have an advice but didn't want to read and run.

We have 2 amazing beautiful Daughters (7 & 4). We currently are just comfortable. I am always skint a couple of weeks into the month, but I work part time so any money i have is spent on the girls and the few bills I pay and general day to day stuff. Husband earns a huge amount more than I do and therefore pays for the bigger things, car, house etc... we've always said we'd like 3 children and I know we are so blessed to have the 2 children we have. I can't seem to get my head round not having another baby. I can't say this is us finished but we also need to decide soon if we are having anymore as I'm not getting any younger. I also worry that if we have another baby we'll be stretched too much and not be able to afford to send our children to the club's they enjoy and have wee special days out etc...
It's a tough one.

Yes. You both want another child, and it’s achievable. I would in a heartbeat.

I think you should be grateful for what you have and work towards building a secure financial future. A third child would create enormous additional expense.

I'm not sure from your post why it has to be now? You're only 30, you could wait a few more years and have another child when your current DC are in school and you've got some work under your belt, plus get your debts straight and maybe some savings. You'll then be off again for a bit but could be back in the workplace cracking on with your career before 40!

3 children by the age of 30 seems a lot when you're not as financially established as you'd like, and age is on your side. I'm sure you'd make it work but given your age I'd wait.

There were lots of good 'practical' reasons for us not to have another child. But we wanted one and knew we could offer a warm and loving environment.

So we did.

Have never looked back.

Don't over think it. You have a reasonable plan there. You only live once and need to be happy. Go for it and good luck xxxxxxxxx

What will a third child bring to your situation that two children don't already bring?

Not sure I would in your position. If you start work again at 35 how long will you have been out of employment? There are stacks of threads on here about women struggling to get back into work after years off - particularly if you want something reasonably paid and possibly flexible working hours.
If you find yourself in the situation where you can only get a NMW type role how financially secure will you be with 3 children given you will at some point likely need a bigger place to live? You say you don't have any savings - what about pensions? Do you want to be just getting by for what might be the rest of your lives?

go for it ! I wanted a 3rd DC Dh didn't - now im too old and I still feel very upset about this - you won't regret having a baby x

I'm in the privileged position of having a brother who is a parter in a company. I do very odd bits of admin for them & I suppose what I do could fall under the umbrella of business development. The work is as hoc and doesn't make me much cash but would certainly help to fill the gap on my CV so that should help with getting back into work. I have no pension at the moment but DH has an excellent one by comparison to today's standards.

If your finances are tight like you say they are do you get tax credits / working tax credits for the two you have at the moment

If you do you do realise that if you have a third child at some point you won’t be able to claim child tax credit for it
At the moment those with 3 kids can get CTC but under UC you only get it for 2 kids which can be in some case quite a lot of money
I know that people don’t base the size of the family on benefits but it’s something to think about if your already in a tight place financially

A couple of things to think about. Financially you seem to be relying on your DH a lot with not working, no pension and counting on his £50k payout. Nothing is guaranteed in life so if you were to split at any point you would be very vulnerable financially as you have no house either. For those reasons I would start to address that before considering another child.

It's a personal thing, we chose to have only two because of our specific circumstances, sometimes I wish I had more. I did have mine close together when I was a sahm due to living overseas for dh's job, makes lots of sense. If you can afford to raise the additional child as well as your current dc's without running up debt and hopefully starting to put away a bit each month towards a house then go for it

Thanks for these replies, they are all very helpful. I appreciate that some of you may have previously been in similar circumstances and now have the benefit of hindsight so your advice is really valuable to me just now. My heart is 100% telling me to go for it.

£50k might sound good but in reality it won’t go far if you are reaching 40 without owning property or decent pensions.

£50k might sound good but in reality it won’t go far if you are reaching 40 without owning property or decent pensions.

This. 50k is absolutely nothing to be excited about when you don't outright own a home and have 3 children. And as the mother of children who are now adults, I can assure you the expenditure to raise them only gets massively higher as they get older. This is even after you no longer have to pay for childcare. I would rather provide the two I already have with special things, lessons, holidays, etc, than have 3 and be constantly skint.

But (worst case scenario) 50k would be enough to get us on the property ladder if we weren't on it yet (which we would definitely hope to be before then).

I wouldn’t. You’ve got debt and no savings. Be happy with the two you haves concentrate on getting some financial stability.

I wouldn't

DH has a good job (can't be fantastic if you are in rented with two dc, have some debt and scrape to make ends meet).

You work for your brother's firm ad hoc (what if the firm goes bust)

You are just 30 and have two DC.

When your DH is 40 he gets £50k and that is your answer to buying a home.

You have no pension provision and are relying on your DH's.

If your DC are not yet at school, there will be more obligations when they are: what now must amount to £10 a week for two for mufti days, little trips, fund raising, dressing up days, photos, class fund for tissues, seeds, teeny extras (there are plenty of threads on her about it). Add swimming, dancing, music lessons, paid clubs, brownie subs and uniform........

You cannot afford another child. You cannot afford the two you have and provide them with any security now.

My advice would be to wait until the youngest at least is at school and take on some more work. When you are debt free and have between you three to six months of survival money in case things go tits up then you can think about it.

And finally 30 is no age at all.

And what if your husband loses his job? If you are even able to get a mortgage, how would you afford it? You are so perilously close to broke I wouldn't even consider another child.

50k is nothing at the age of 40 and plus mortgage lenders take into account age..

You are heavily relying on your dh and have nothing to fall back on...

Don't do it.