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AIBU?

Dp "pushing" me.

113 replies

Lovethetimeyouhave · 18/10/2018 07:05

Last night was an absolute waste of an evening.

On a Friday we play a game together, loser cooks for the following week... I won't say as it's outing. Usually it's evenly matched, we have a few drinks and some fun. I'm generally a quiet person.

Last week I was so far behind I conceded and didn't play the last game.

Well, dp was so upset last night he went over and over it saying "It's not fair to concede, why did you do that?" No matter what I said, he wouldn't stop. I even agreed, to stop him, but that led on to "You didn't play well enough" "You didn't drink enough, you were playing games so I drank and got drunk so you could win!!!!!!"

For one that has never happened, but if I don't want to drink anymore for whatever reason this is apparently me playing games. I wouldn't even think to play a stupid game and try and win like that. He thinks I do and no saying otherwise would stop him.

Then it was that I don't talk enough, by this point it had been 2 hours of endless going on and on and I cried, I know I'm quiet, it's been my whole life and it bothers me, but someone having a go at me for being quiet makes me more quiet! It's just the way I am. I don't say much, plus the conversations are only around his topics, if I do speak about something he just grunts and says "Have you not got anything original to say?" (Like an idea about the universe).

After this comment I went to bed, put on a documentary. After 20 minutes he comes through! Talk talk talk, now it's about my job.

I work from home, I home school and I do EVERYTHING in the home.

Now about my job, he found me this job apparently (he didnt) and It's thanks to him I have it. I need to aim higher now and work harder to make more money. I need to study more to make myself more desirable and on and on and on. When asked why he's going on "I'm trying to help you, to change you, do you not want to make more money?"

He spoke for over another hour, on and on. I was so furious I didn't say barely anything.

I'm regularly told that I do nothing w9th my life, I'm sorry, I spend my time raising Ds, he does nothing for Ds, won't even bath him. I school Ds, he never puts any input in, if he is home from work he will leave me balancing schooling we and working and won't help. I clean everything. He just complains he can't find clothes and regularly has tantrums in the morning throwing stuff around.
I work from home. He says it's not enough, I need to make it turn into something. And he has a hobby he's getting recognition for as I do EVERYTHING so he spends his time doing it.

When I cook I'm met with "tut I don't want that"

And I've been doing the job a year, got good at it, raised my prices twice now.

My aibu is is this enough reason yo consider leaving? I'm exhausted and fed up. I feel miserable this morning.

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Lovethetimeyouhave · 18/10/2018 07:05

Holy wall of text! There were paragraphs

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AjasLipstick · 18/10/2018 07:07

Could it be the drinking that's the problem?

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Lovethetimeyouhave · 18/10/2018 07:09

@Ajas it is for him, but he doesn't get so out of it, he literally thinks I am there to win in what way I can. If I talk, I've talked at the wrong time and It's deliberate to put him off, I just can't be bothered. I've already said I'm not doing it on Fridays anymore.

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NorksAreMessy · 18/10/2018 07:09

Yes LEAVE.
Plus....If you want to be quiet, be quiet!

Man sounds like an utter cockwomble and will be doing your long term mental health no good at all if you stay with him

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SittHakim · 18/10/2018 07:10

YANBU. It sounds exhausting and miserable. I'm sorry you're having such a horrible time. Does he bring anything positive to your life at all.

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AjasLipstick · 18/10/2018 07:10

He sounds bloody AWFUL. Leave him. What a way to live.

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MairzyDoats · 18/10/2018 07:11

Ugh, I'm not surprised you're exhausted, he sounds hellish to live with. Does he often go on and on like that? Do you argue back or sink into silence?

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DanglyBangly · 18/10/2018 07:11

I don’t think I could live with someone who constantly listed my perceived shortcomings. Has he always been like this?

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delilahbucket · 18/10/2018 07:12

I would attempt a conversation with him when you are both sober. If that's how he really feels then I'm not sure you can come back from it. It sounds as though he resents you. Does he work long hours? You do need to find your voice though and say how you feel.

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Lovethetimeyouhave · 18/10/2018 07:12

I already feel my mental health is suffering.

Positives - he earns more money then me. But he's so goddam moody.

Last weekend he was moody in the morning and went out for an hour, when he came back ds said on his own (but it's blamed on me) "Why did you have to come back now, it was a nice time when you went out"

We had a bad year and his moods were so bad I told him I was leaving. He admitted to treating me badly and promised to change. The last two months were good. But it's just going back.

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Fridaydreamer · 18/10/2018 07:13

Wow! Leave!
Emotional abuse and bullying.
Get out as fast as you can.

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Lovethetimeyouhave · 18/10/2018 07:15

We weren't drunk last night!! He works less hours than me! I am sometimes still working when he comes in at 4pm.

I've said it feels like he hates me. But apparently he doesn't. Doesn't feel like it.

When I say what I feel I'm accused of lying. Every time. So now I don't bother until he's just twisting history and making himself the victim.

Even Ds playing loudly during his go was my fault as I apparently thought "oh it's ok, it benefits me" it's just endless. I didn't and didn't even consider the noise of Ds,

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Arewenearlythereyet1 · 18/10/2018 07:17

I had one like this, not even as bad as this. I left, totally draining to be with.

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PositiveVibez · 18/10/2018 07:23

He sounds utterly vile.

When his only good point is that he earns more money than you, that's the time to get out.

He adds nothing to yours or your child's life, apart from stress, anger and ebbing away at your self-esteem.

You do not have to put up with this forever.

You and your dad only get one life. Don't spend it being bullied by this prick.

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Annandale · 18/10/2018 07:25

It does sound like you resent each other massively at the moment. Only you can know whether the drink and hangovers are a factor that could be removed and improve things. Is it all the same at weekends, does he do anything with ds then? But you don't need permission to leave, if you want to.

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lottiegarbanzo · 18/10/2018 07:25

You don't need a 'good enough' reason to leave. Good enough by whose standards? You're unhappy. He's making your life difficult and miserable, Your DS is happier when he's not there. Who wants him there? Who benefits from his being there? Not you or DS by the sound of it.

I can't believe you homeschool, work and so all the housework - and he works for fewer hours than you do!!!!

Then he gets you to play games so he doesn't even have to cook, at least half the time.

And your standard is 'does he hate me, or not?'. How about does he love you? Does he like you? Does he want to make your life better and make you happy?

There are a lot of people in the world who don't hate you - pretty much everybody in fact.

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willgiveitago · 18/10/2018 07:27

You should be allowed to be quiet when you want to be, and not feel pressurised to “entertain” him. A person who loves you should accept you just as you are.

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BitOutOfPractice · 18/10/2018 07:28

He sounds like a controlling bully OP. (by the way you sound lovely!)

Yes I think you should LTB before you just disappear completely

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ButtPlugInMyHalloweenHaul · 18/10/2018 07:29

Yes leave. Imagine Christmas without him - brilliant!

If he asks you why tell him that you have so many faults pointed out by him that you can't imagine why he would want to stay with such a low grade person and you are doing him a favour by removing yourself from his presence before you pollute him further!

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Wrybread · 18/10/2018 07:30

He doesn't sound very nice.

Out of interest had he been like this before the last year, or is this new?

I'm only asking because my ex behaved in a similar way, incl wanting me to earn more, and it turns out he was having an affair.

The grumpiness and blaming me mentally, and wanting me to contribute more both financially and in the home (despite me doing most of the home stuff), was so he could tell himself that he 'deserved' an affair.

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Returnofthesmileybar · 18/10/2018 07:30

Definitely leave, he is a bully and a prick, he will grind you down. Even your son doesn't want him there, you two are better off just the two of you

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DonnaDarko · 18/10/2018 07:31

He sounds bullying and controlling, and you do not need to put up with it!

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StrangeLookingParasite · 18/10/2018 07:35

I don't say much, plus the conversations are only around his topics, if I do speak about something he just grunts and says "Have you not got anything original to say?"

Wow, what an arsehole.

Leave, you'd be so much better off.

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Volant · 18/10/2018 07:35

I can't see any reason for staying based on what you have said on here. Start planning the getaway, and look forward to a life without this nonsense.

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HarrySnotter · 18/10/2018 07:37

Fucks sake OP. Take your DS and the hell away from this man.

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