Dp "pushing" me.

[Lovethetimeyouhave]

Last night was an absolute waste of an evening.

On a Friday we play a game together, loser cooks for the following week... I won't say as it's outing. Usually it's evenly matched, we have a few drinks and some fun. I'm generally a quiet person.

Last week I was so far behind I conceded and didn't play the last game.

Well, dp was so upset last night he went over and over it saying "It's not fair to concede, why did you do that?" No matter what I said, he wouldn't stop. I even agreed, to stop him, but that led on to "You didn't play well enough" "You didn't drink enough, you were playing games so I drank and got drunk so you could win!!!!!!"

For one that has never happened, but if I don't want to drink anymore for whatever reason this is apparently me playing games. I wouldn't even think to play a stupid game and try and win like that. He thinks I do and no saying otherwise would stop him.

Then it was that I don't talk enough, by this point it had been 2 hours of endless going on and on and I cried, I know I'm quiet, it's been my whole life and it bothers me, but someone having a go at me for being quiet makes me more quiet! It's just the way I am. I don't say much, plus the conversations are only around his topics, if I do speak about something he just grunts and says "Have you not got anything original to say?" (Like an idea about the universe).

After this comment I went to bed, put on a documentary. After 20 minutes he comes through! Talk talk talk, now it's about my job.

I work from home, I home school and I do EVERYTHING in the home.

Now about my job, he found me this job apparently (he didnt) and It's thanks to him I have it. I need to aim higher now and work harder to make more money. I need to study more to make myself more desirable and on and on and on. When asked why he's going on "I'm trying to help you, to change you, do you not want to make more money?"

He spoke for over another hour, on and on. I was so furious I didn't say barely anything.

I'm regularly told that I do nothing w9th my life, I'm sorry, I spend my time raising Ds, he does nothing for Ds, won't even bath him. I school Ds, he never puts any input in, if he is home from work he will leave me balancing schooling we and working and won't help. I clean everything. He just complains he can't find clothes and regularly has tantrums in the morning throwing stuff around.
I work from home. He says it's not enough, I need to make it turn into something. And he has a hobby he's getting recognition for as I do EVERYTHING so he spends his time doing it.

When I cook I'm met with "tut I don't want that"

And I've been doing the job a year, got good at it, raised my prices twice now.

My aibu is is this enough reason yo consider leaving? I'm exhausted and fed up. I feel miserable this morning.

You and your DS deserve so much more.

Why on earth would you put up with this shite! He sounds fucking awful and horrible to be around and I wouldn't be exposing my DS to that toxic crap. Just let rid of him, even your son doesn't want him around which is a pretty big sign tbh!

Hi OP please leave him and tell him it’s over. He’s a nasty nasty man. He is affecting your mental health. Look at entitledto it’s a benefit calculator. Base it on your own income. See if you can manage financially first. Fine his wage slips or his income - go on the child maintainace website to work out what he will pay.
He’s a BULLY - your ds has told you life is better without him.
Have you called your local women’s aid - google it - they may have someone you can go and speak too - I called them crying and I saw a worker their the next day.
Have you any family or friends you can tell or see your go.
He’s a bastard- you do not treat someone you love like this. Is he like this with any one else?
Why does he do that - by Lundy Bancroft will be useful. You can download for free.
Your life will improve slowly once he’s gone.
ITS NOT YOU.🌺

He sounds emotionally abusive.

Playing a game to determine who cooks for a week sounds awful!

On your earnings and DS’ education you don’t want to be financially dependent on this man.

Sounds like emotional abuse. You deserve recognition for what you do. You deserve to be asked how your day went
You would be Better off on your own. He sounds like a child and you don't need to be raising a fully grown man.

He’s a bullying abusive prick and he’s grinding you down.

Be glad he's your DP and nor your DH and leave. Your life and your sons childhold is too short to waste on that.

Leave him now before he grinds down what's left of your spirit.

You need to leave. I feel exhausted just reading your op. He’s abusive and a horrible person. These are the types that aren’t happy until they’ve sucked the life out of you. Are you happy? Do the two of you actually have any fun if drink isn’t involved? It also sounds like you need to get out more. Out of interest, why are you home schooling ds? Theres nothing wrong with being quiet but having a hobby of some sort and stepping away from your house will be good for you. It does sound like you spend a lot of time at home with just him and ds. Also sounds like you ds is happier when he’s not at home. Thats telling you you need to leave

Leave now. It will only get worse. You have everything to gain by leaving and nothing to gain by staying x

He’s awful. Truly.

Counselling at the very least, but basically it sounds like it's over.

Start planning: gathering financial information, thinking about how the future would work, remember DS has a right to a relationship with both of you, DS needs to know you both love him unconditionally. Build up steam to tell DH it's really over this time. Insist on counselling first if you're not 100% sure, but you need to take charge of this horrible situation.

If you are feeling guilty about splitting up the family, stop now. It's his actions that are causing the split. DS already knows things are wrong. Having two miserable parents is an awful childhood.

You must leave. He’s just absolutely fucking awful. The sort of man who would be upsetting to sit next to on a bus for ten minutes - don’t waste your one life letting that person make you miserable, forever.

I agree with him that you need to aim higher.
You need to aim for a happy life for you and DS and that means leaving this controlling bully.

It’s not up to him to change you! What breathtaking arrogance! Who made him king of the world? I’d definitely read the Bancroft book. He has a disgusting air of entitlement.

Was it his idea to play the game for whose turn it is to cook dinners? Is it something he’s normally better than you at? It’s just that the whole thing is like a set up to me: he’s setting you up to fail all the time. So he can turn round and say, ‘see, you need me as you can’t manage on your own’. But really it’s impossible to keep all those plates spinning and do things at a ridiculously high standard that he imposes on you. Which makes you start to doubt yourself. But it’s not you it’s HIM that’s at fault. Fancy choosing someone quiet in nature to be your life partner and berating then for being quiet. It’s definitely bullying. And it makes you even quieter, which it’s designed to do. Get out of this now before he breaks you and your son, because he’ll start on him too once he gets old enough to become his own person.

This is horrible. Sounds like you're really holding down the fort, and all he does is go on at you. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? Even your DS prefers it when he's not there!

Your ds clearly feels like a massive weight has been lifted when your h isn't around. That's a really bad sign op. Leave. For you. For your ds. You'll be infinitely happier in the long run. I'm sorry people like him exist, how fucking dare he make you feel like that?!

Not only is there nothing in this relationship for you, he's a drag on your resources. Ask him to leave, and don't soften if he promises to change and wants to 'try again'.

He's a vile bully. Don't put up with it, and don't let him ruin your ds' childhood.

If you leave him today you could have a lovely stress-free weekend with your son. Fab. He adds nothing to your life.

He sounds a vile abusive gaslighting knob. I too would be exhausted and miserable living with him. Don't put up with this.You and your son deserve better.

And more importantly, when your child recognises life is a whole lot better when he's not there, it really is time to leave. Growing up in a toxic atmosphere damages children, sometimes beyond repair. Don't let this happen to your son.

Signs of emotional abuse.

He is abusive. Get some support and leave him.

He sounds like a bully and pretty toxic. Is he the father of your DC? Make plans to leave/chuck him out.

Jesus . Get rid of this joy sucker from your life. Do you want to listen to him listing your perceived shortcomings for the rest of your life ? For YEARS ?

No no no . I’d certainly look at expanding the business , but with the aim of supporting you and your son without him . Because as far as I can see , you’d be so much better off without him.

No idea why your still with him. This man sounds like he has zero qualities except for being a liar and a bully. What a great role model for his son. Leave him Op - don’t you deserve to be happy?