Dp "pushing" me.

[Lovethetimeyouhave]

Last night was an absolute waste of an evening.

On a Friday we play a game together, loser cooks for the following week... I won't say as it's outing. Usually it's evenly matched, we have a few drinks and some fun. I'm generally a quiet person.

Last week I was so far behind I conceded and didn't play the last game.

Well, dp was so upset last night he went over and over it saying "It's not fair to concede, why did you do that?" No matter what I said, he wouldn't stop. I even agreed, to stop him, but that led on to "You didn't play well enough" "You didn't drink enough, you were playing games so I drank and got drunk so you could win!!!!!!"

For one that has never happened, but if I don't want to drink anymore for whatever reason this is apparently me playing games. I wouldn't even think to play a stupid game and try and win like that. He thinks I do and no saying otherwise would stop him.

Then it was that I don't talk enough, by this point it had been 2 hours of endless going on and on and I cried, I know I'm quiet, it's been my whole life and it bothers me, but someone having a go at me for being quiet makes me more quiet! It's just the way I am. I don't say much, plus the conversations are only around his topics, if I do speak about something he just grunts and says "Have you not got anything original to say?" (Like an idea about the universe).

After this comment I went to bed, put on a documentary. After 20 minutes he comes through! Talk talk talk, now it's about my job.

I work from home, I home school and I do EVERYTHING in the home.

Now about my job, he found me this job apparently (he didnt) and It's thanks to him I have it. I need to aim higher now and work harder to make more money. I need to study more to make myself more desirable and on and on and on. When asked why he's going on "I'm trying to help you, to change you, do you not want to make more money?"

He spoke for over another hour, on and on. I was so furious I didn't say barely anything.

I'm regularly told that I do nothing w9th my life, I'm sorry, I spend my time raising Ds, he does nothing for Ds, won't even bath him. I school Ds, he never puts any input in, if he is home from work he will leave me balancing schooling we and working and won't help. I clean everything. He just complains he can't find clothes and regularly has tantrums in the morning throwing stuff around.
I work from home. He says it's not enough, I need to make it turn into something. And he has a hobby he's getting recognition for as I do EVERYTHING so he spends his time doing it.

When I cook I'm met with "tut I don't want that"

And I've been doing the job a year, got good at it, raised my prices twice now.

My aibu is is this enough reason yo consider leaving? I'm exhausted and fed up. I feel miserable this morning.

[Lifeisabeach09]

YADNBU.
He sounds like a lazy (around the home), selfish, bullying bastard.
He will just continue to bring you down.
Please leave.
I live solo with my DD. It truly is great.

[twoshedsjackson]

You're right Singlenotsingle I tried to post his on another thread and wondered why it wasn't showing up. Gremlins or fat fingers, not sure which.
But while I'm here - OP I hope you manage to make a move soon. You and your little boy deserve to be happy,

[Annieanonimouse]

Good decision.

Tempting though it will be, don't tell DS until you’re in the van. It’s too much responsibility to keep that secret. Be careful who else you tell as well, some people can’t resist trying to fix things and might tell him.

PLAN everything, taking a little longer to do it the best way possible for DS and yourself, will be worth it.

Make sure you take as much as you can to set yourself up and so DS feels ‘at home’ more quickly wherever you end up. Don’t forget Ds’s things in the garage/shed/loft etc.

He might have been reasonable last time when he thought he could get you back, he might not be so reasonable this time.

Plan well, take care, let us know how you’re getting on.

[Prettyvase]

Exciting future ahead!

As I tell my dc: it's not the charming, nice side of a person you need to worry about, it's the dark side: what are they like when things go wrong/ not going their way: that is the true test of a person's character.

Your now ex might have a nice side but you know now how ugly and demented his true character is and how he would have broken you.

Good luck!

[Singlenotsingle]

Quite right. Hire a van and get out. Try to do it while he's out at work though, in case he tries to stop you, or stop you taking DS. Have you got any family who can help you?

[SalemBlackCat4]

You really need to leave NOW. When you own son says it was nice when dad wasn't home, that would be heartbreak for me! Absolutely heartbreaking! That would feel like a knife in my heart. Sad that it wasn't heartbreaking for your husband to hear his son say that. It appears your husband has no care or connection to his own son at all. If my my son said that, I would be destroyed. That I think, on it's own should be enough for you to leave. As it is CLEARLY affecting your son. A stressed child walking on eggshells around a parent says that. Not a happy child. You need to leave and for good this time. Don't accept his begging a second time. It needs to be over, for your son's sake, if for no other reason.

[Merryoldgoat]

Glad you’ve made the decision. Everything is easier once you know what you’re doing.

He sounds beyond awful.

[Lovethetimeyouhave]

Well he's back and I've just finished work, he's being very nice, I know it won't last though. I'm going to make motions to leave, I live 130 miles from family so I need to hire a van and go.

[MumW]

This is no way to live, he's being abusive and controlling. Life's too short, run for the hills.

[CSIblonde]

He's an emotionally abusive bully. You work, homeschool and do everything & all he does is put you down. That's not a supportive, loving relationship. Plse get out before your mental health suffers even more. You sound lovely. There is a surely nothing wrong with being quiet & thoughtful. You and your child deserve better.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Who does that to a 6 year old child! Who!
A manipulative, abusive, nasty, narcissist!!!!
I'm glad you are seeing this for what it is now.

[Prettyvase]

Ok op, put us all out of our misery including yours and let us know when you've got rid.

[Loopytiles]

So he is sexually abusive too. And emotionally abusive to your DC.

[BlooperReel]

No relationship should be this much hard work. There is also a huge difference between encouraging you and supporting you, and using you as if you were a work horse.

[Blondebakingmumma]

So points
Your hubby is an abusove twat and you already know you need to leave

I’m concerned that you work full time, more hours than hubby and claim to be home schooling. In the nicest possible way-Please get your child into school. You can’t possibly be offering him the best start in life if you don’t have the time to educate him

[Elasticity]

Am I the only reader intrigued what on earth this game could be?

Is it a video game? A board game? A drinking game?

So confused

[Assburgers]

Someone who doesn’t care about anyone but themselves.

So what are you going to do about it?

[Lucked]

You need to start thinking of the practicalities so you know your options. So I assume you are not married. Work out what your income would be on your own including child support. Hopefully he is an employee not self employed to make that easier.

Would you have enough to rent somewhere with a decent school, you could earn more if not home schooling.

[Lovethetimeyouhave]

Well it gets even rosier. We has come and said that after I fell asleep dp was complaining to Ds about me. Moaning about me to Ds and being horrible. It really is the end. Who does that to a 6 year old child! Who!

[Juells]

It's desperately hard to leave when you have small children, because you feel vulnerable and like you'll never survive on your own. But OH! the relief when you're finally on your own...

[luckylavender]

Misses the point probably - but how can you home school & work at the same time?

[KlutzyDraconequus]

he's sending vile porn through of things he likes. Acting like he's so fucking nice

Nope, just nope.
Tell him straight to stop it, if he doesn't, block the prick.

You need to leave but that's easier said than done.

[Lovethetimeyouhave]

And today.... he's sending vile porn through of things he likes. Acting like he's so fucking nice

[Lovethetimeyouhave]

He is absolutely awful. I'm so fed up with putting up with it. I hate it. I'm so depressed, we is up now, he is homeschooled because of the area we live in, it's not the best by a long shot!