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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dp "pushing" me.

113 replies

Lovethetimeyouhave · 18/10/2018 07:05

Last night was an absolute waste of an evening.

On a Friday we play a game together, loser cooks for the following week... I won't say as it's outing. Usually it's evenly matched, we have a few drinks and some fun. I'm generally a quiet person.

Last week I was so far behind I conceded and didn't play the last game.

Well, dp was so upset last night he went over and over it saying "It's not fair to concede, why did you do that?" No matter what I said, he wouldn't stop. I even agreed, to stop him, but that led on to "You didn't play well enough" "You didn't drink enough, you were playing games so I drank and got drunk so you could win!!!!!!"

For one that has never happened, but if I don't want to drink anymore for whatever reason this is apparently me playing games. I wouldn't even think to play a stupid game and try and win like that. He thinks I do and no saying otherwise would stop him.

Then it was that I don't talk enough, by this point it had been 2 hours of endless going on and on and I cried, I know I'm quiet, it's been my whole life and it bothers me, but someone having a go at me for being quiet makes me more quiet! It's just the way I am. I don't say much, plus the conversations are only around his topics, if I do speak about something he just grunts and says "Have you not got anything original to say?" (Like an idea about the universe).

After this comment I went to bed, put on a documentary. After 20 minutes he comes through! Talk talk talk, now it's about my job.

I work from home, I home school and I do EVERYTHING in the home.

Now about my job, he found me this job apparently (he didnt) and It's thanks to him I have it. I need to aim higher now and work harder to make more money. I need to study more to make myself more desirable and on and on and on. When asked why he's going on "I'm trying to help you, to change you, do you not want to make more money?"

He spoke for over another hour, on and on. I was so furious I didn't say barely anything.

I'm regularly told that I do nothing w9th my life, I'm sorry, I spend my time raising Ds, he does nothing for Ds, won't even bath him. I school Ds, he never puts any input in, if he is home from work he will leave me balancing schooling we and working and won't help. I clean everything. He just complains he can't find clothes and regularly has tantrums in the morning throwing stuff around.
I work from home. He says it's not enough, I need to make it turn into something. And he has a hobby he's getting recognition for as I do EVERYTHING so he spends his time doing it.

When I cook I'm met with "tut I don't want that"

And I've been doing the job a year, got good at it, raised my prices twice now.

My aibu is is this enough reason yo consider leaving? I'm exhausted and fed up. I feel miserable this morning.

OP posts:
TheSerenDipitY · 18/10/2018 08:23

your son said unprompted... "Why did you have to come back now, it was a nice time when you went out"

Kind of says it all really..... think about it

OrdinaryGirl · 18/10/2018 08:25

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Leave. You poor lamb, this is awful. 

JamPasty · 18/10/2018 08:26

He's abusive and that is damaging your son. Leave him. You deserve better

Shoxfordian · 18/10/2018 08:27

Ltb
Life is too short

AnnieAnoniMouse · 18/10/2018 08:29

He is a complete bellend. For your sake AND your DS’s sake, you need to DO what you threatened and leave. He really is nasty, stop putting up with it 🌷

KlutzyDraconequus · 18/10/2018 08:30

Leave. As soon as you realistically can.

Don't spend your life being an emotional punch bag to some cunt like this. You can do better and you deserve better.

diddl · 18/10/2018 08:30

You don't need a reason to leave, just that things aren't right for you anymore.

But ""Why did you have to come back now, it was a nice time when you went out"" Wow-isn't that reason enough if you must have one?

LaGruffaloGrumble · 18/10/2018 08:30

This just sounds so draining and no kind of life.

Lizzie48 · 18/10/2018 08:34

I agree, this man is emotionally abusive and your DS summed it up when he said to him that it's much nicer when he isn't there.

Lalliella · 18/10/2018 08:37

Leave. For your own sake and that of your DS.

Incidentally, why are you home schooling? Do you not think that DS would maybe benefit from the social aspect of attending a school, rather than being with you all the time? (I mean this kindly, just to get him to mix with others of his age) How are you managing to fit in working around giving him a balanced education?

Nanny0gg · 18/10/2018 08:39

Any one of those is 'reason' enough to leave.

But the main one is, you're not happy. He won't make you happy. He won't even try to make you happy.

Have you real life support? Do you own or rent? In whose name/s? Can you keep the house on your own?

Start planning now. And if he begs you to stay, ignore.

ThanksHunkyJesus · 18/10/2018 08:42

Why did you have to come back now, it was a nice time when you went out"

Leave him and if you have a wobble remember your child doesn't even want him there!

Piffle11 · 18/10/2018 08:43

Wow he sounds awful. He puts you down, says you're not trying hard enough, doesn't help around the house, neglects your DS … him earning more doesn't mean he gets to be a twat to you. He is controlling and a bully: just because he 'talks' rather than shouting and swearing doesn't make him less so. He is breaking you down, but doing it under the guise of trying to 'help and 'encourage' you. Please don't let this continue. Is he going to do the same to DS if he doesn't agree with the choices he makes in the future? Nothing you do will ever be good enough, as he actually wants to have something to pick at.

lovetherisingsun · 18/10/2018 08:44

Oh gosh, OP Flowers You don't deserve to be treated like this. No one does. Imagine what life will be like without him - just you and your little boy, happy together, no one to make you feel like shit, no one berating you and putting you down constantly, no one shouting at you. Just peace and happiness on your own without that horrible joy sucking leech in your lives.

lovetherisingsun · 18/10/2018 08:45

"Why did you have to come back now, it was a nice time when you went out"

Listen to your little boy.

twoshedsjackson · 18/10/2018 08:50

I had a similar situation with two boys in my form; "Bill" reacted to being teased in a way that "Ben" found entertaining. "Bill" eventually lost his cool and walloped "Ben", who was devastated and outraged. He was further upset when I told him that I agreed absolutely that "Bill" had put himself in the wrong by hitting out, violence is never the solution, BUT if he wound people up for fun, the day would come when he would pick on the wrong person when there wasn't a teacher around to gallop to the rescue. He wasn't thinking past the fun of the moment, and was shaken by the reaction he eventually got. He was actually remorseful when he realised how upset "Bill" was; he thought it was a funny game.
What I didn't say out loud was, "If I were nine, I'd probably have thumped you, too!"
Your son needs support and strategies, but the girl concerned needs to be spoken to as well; she is putting herself in a dodgy situation if she carries on with this.

Singlenotsingle · 18/10/2018 08:51

And there's nothing wrong in being quiet. I'm quiet. Dp's quiet. We're quiet together and we like it that way. Yours sounds annoying, trying to fill your headspace with his rubbish all the time. Just tell him you've had enough, and he can bugger off

CoraPirbright · 18/10/2018 08:51

Chuck this man out. He is an emotionally abusive bully.

Look at it this way - on a practical level he does absolutely nothing so you are not losing out in this way. All that will happen is that he will take his vile moods, his bullying and his nagging with him. What a blessed relief!!

Singlenotsingle · 18/10/2018 08:52

You're on the wrong thread twosheds

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 18/10/2018 08:59

Working from home, homeschooling and doing all the housework sounds like a)three full time jobs and b) a way to keep you literally tied to the home.

I bet if you scratch the surface a bit you’ll find many more examples of bastardry that you’ve just normalised. He’s horrible.

Prettyvase · 18/10/2018 08:59

Wow.

He is goading you to react, like a torturer and you are the victim.

Your poor ds is being really affected and damaged being in this toxic environment.

If you can't leave immediately for yourself, do so for your poor child.

What is so utterly shocking is that this is SO bad and SO awful and yet you don't trust your own instinct enough hence asking MN.

Thank god for MN as your instincts should be firing on all cylinders to get you out of there and protect your ds from that torturing bullying mentally deranged partner of yours.

Original poster
Lovethetimeyouhave · 18/10/2018 09:01

I am listening to all of you. I think I know it's never going to change and I need to make motions to leave. The person who mentioned an affair, about 6 months ago I found messages to another woman in America. Running me down, telling her how awful I was and that I'm not feminine. I left. He was remorseful.

Yada yada. I was a fool to come back . I'd got free.

And to Ds, it's so sad he said it. But for him I have to leave.

OP posts:
MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 18/10/2018 09:03

Yep he is emotionally abusive.

You’ve said before you wanted to separate. He has ‘tried’ for two months to sweeten up you and now has gone back to his ‘normal self’.
Will you accept that? Or will you do as you said and kick him out?

Listen to your ds OP. He is telling you things like they are. He isn’t happy, nor are you.

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 18/10/2018 09:04

Xpost.

You had the strength to leave once. You can do it again (and not let him come back this time!)

LuluJakey1 · 18/10/2018 09:07

LTB

Honestly, he is a dementor, draining the spirit from you and any joy in life.

Take your son and your freedom and run.

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