Why did he do this? (DH being a twat related)

[Whatthehe]

DS got up with DH for work at 8. Heard DS ask if he could play on the iPad, DH said no.

A while later (I dozed off, ds had been up in the night with earache which is why I was snatching a lie in) I heard DH say “go and ask your mother”. Ds came in and asked if he could have the iPad.

I have no idea why DH has sent him in, he’s already said no. But maybe it’s been longer than I think (dozing) so I say “ooh I don’t know, ask daddy).

Ds goes out, I hear DH say “what did mummy say?” Ds say “she says ask daddy” DH comes storming in the bedroom stands over me and rages for “batting it back at him”.

I explain that these were my options.

1. I say yes. He rages at me that I made the decision and go against his.

1. I say no. He tells DS very sorry but mummy won't let you.

1. I say ask daddy. He comes in and rages for "bouncing it back".

So basically he has an abusive answer to anything I will say so I couldn't even begin to second guess the "right" answer.

I asked him why he had sent ds in when he had already told him no. He stuttered “ it doesn’t matter why” and slammed off to work.

What a knob

He is.

I have texted him the above and told him that he owes me an apology. Shouldn’t have to tell him to apologise but he’s a twat about that also.

If this is how he behaves regularly I would take a good long look at my relationship. But even from that one incident it doesn't appear as though he respects you much. He knew you were having a lie in after a disturbed night. Why send in your ds to ask you? Why come barging in himself to disturb you? He needs to answer those 2 questions before you can accept an apology.

If you were aware that your DH had already said no, then I’d have probably just said ‘didn’t your dad already tell you no?’. But assume that your DH didn’t know that you’d heard him originally say no? So not sure why he’d ask your DS to ask you?

Was he cross you were still asleep? I understand you were up in the night but imho otherwise reasonable partners can become raving loons of competitive lack of sleepiness when everyone’s a bit frazzled from lack of sleep!

Why does your DH think it’s ok to disturb your sleep with a trivial question, when you were up during the night?

He’s texted back:

I'm not interested in talking to you. Everything you say ends up in some sort of criticism or character assassination

diymania
If you were aware that your DH had already said no, then I’d have probably just said ‘didn’t your dad already tell you no?’. But assume that your DH didn’t know that you’d heard him originally say no? So not sure why he’d ask your DS to ask you? confused

Exactly. I dont think dh knew I’d heard him.

His second text would make me mad. He was raging at you after a very normal family interaction this morning - without trying to sound petty - he started it. You can't have a rage over something trivial then expect there to be no consequences!

It sounds to me like the two of you need to have a proper sit-down conversation as right now each of you is cross with the other and without hearing his point of view it's impossible to know who is at fault, if indeed anyone.

But really, I don't think dragging this kinds of argument on to MN is good for actually getting them resolved.

But really, I don't think dragging this kinds of argument on to MN is good

Then where am I supposed to get advice?

why do you need advice? Talk to your DH, if you're really interested in having a good relationship and work together as a team.

Posting on MN simply whips up a storm when the situation could be easily resolved with everyone having a breather and them talking like adults.

I'm not aiming this at you specifically but I do think that a lot of posts are really minor things that get blown up. And unless there's something else going on, this sounds like one of them to me.

AmIRightOrAMeringue

His second text would make me mad

His text is to stop me asking why he sent him in. Because he doesn’t have s good reason!

I think he’s mad he had to go to work (but got a full nights sleep!)

why do you need advice? Talk to your DH

He won’t speak to me. He texted me to say so and has turned his phone off.

Get rid of the iPad. Your kid doesn't need it and it'll be one less thing to argue about

Well he has definitely behaved like a twat! I guess the question is whether this is a common or uncommon occurrence. Looking at it from the outside, maybe your DH was tired and trying to get ready for work and got fed up of being asked so in exasperation told him to go and ask you. Although that doesn't really excuse him raging at you afterwards.

I need advice because I have no idea what the hell went one what I’m supposed to do about it.

Rhiannon13

To be fair ds is v good with it, never complains if he can’t have it.

Had DS been asking over and over, whilst DH was trying to get ready for work? I'm asking as this is what my DS does: follows me around saying 'can I have/do this? Can you get me X?' whilst I'm running around trying to sort myself out. Maybe DH said no, DS didn't want to hear it so kept asking, and DH said to see you in order to get some time to sort himself out? Not saying it was right, btw, as you had been up during the night, but it's easy to forget stuff like that when you're in a hurry and have a little one going on and on at you. I just think it's getting blown up out of proportion.

Its absolutely FINE to post here for advice. If you had a generally smooth and communicative relationship then you wouldn't feel the need to post because you'd already have resolved this. I think it's pretty shit to tell a woman she shouldn't seek advice actually @RiverTam.

Had DS been asking over and over, whilst DH was trying to get ready for work

I doubt it. It was probably the second time he’d asked, he’s easily distracted with other stuff. But I don’t really know, I wasn’t there, you may be right.

He was annoyed that you were having a lie-in and he was having to deal with your child, so sent your son in to wake you up, basically. And got even more annoyed when you didn't.

He's a prat.

Urgh he's a tool. If I am the one up with DD getting ready for work and getting her ready for school I wouldn't ever send her to ask DH who is still in bed a question I could answer myself. And neither would he.

Sigh. Unless the OP is about to do a massive drip feed then this is simply one of those arguments that couples have, particularly if one or both are tired, stressed or unwell.

What would I do? Get on with my day and them, when my DH was home and DS in bed, have a chat. For all we know in an hour's time the OP's DH may well text back with a 'sorry' and the whole thing is sorted. For all we know the OP may be someone who undermines her DH's actions with their child all the time!

But I really think that coming on to MN with every minor tiff is actually really unhelpful - unless, as I've said several times, there is something else going on.

so sent your son in to wake you up, basically. And got even more annoyed when you didn't.

Ah right. Thanks tatty Yes I think that’s it.

River
Cos this is an advice forum?

Btw Telling a woman who's husband just treated her like shit and won't talk to her not to ask for advice is pretty nasty.