Why did he do this? (DH being a twat related)

[Whatthehe]

DS got up with DH for work at 8. Heard DS ask if he could play on the iPad, DH said no.

A while later (I dozed off, ds had been up in the night with earache which is why I was snatching a lie in) I heard DH say “go and ask your mother”. Ds came in and asked if he could have the iPad.

I have no idea why DH has sent him in, he’s already said no. But maybe it’s been longer than I think (dozing) so I say “ooh I don’t know, ask daddy).

Ds goes out, I hear DH say “what did mummy say?” Ds say “she says ask daddy” DH comes storming in the bedroom stands over me and rages for “batting it back at him”.

I explain that these were my options.

1. I say yes. He rages at me that I made the decision and go against his.

1. I say no. He tells DS very sorry but mummy won't let you.

1. I say ask daddy. He comes in and rages for "bouncing it back".

So basically he has an abusive answer to anything I will say so I couldn't even begin to second guess the "right" answer.

I asked him why he had sent ds in when he had already told him no. He stuttered “ it doesn’t matter why” and slammed off to work.

@Bluntness100
Why are you both playing these games with your kid? Think of how it feels to him.

Stop being horrible! The OP is not 'playing games,' it's her knob of a husband who is the problem! She has enough problems without you trying to make this her fault!

@GetOffTheTableMabel

He is now being incredibly immature and deploying pathetic deflection tactics to avoid owning his shit. I get a better standard of discussion from my 13 year old. He is being a giant man-child. It is not attractive and it is impossible to respect.

This. ^

He is an immature fool, who thinks playing the 'passive-aggressive victim game,' will make him get his own way all the time, avoid any responsibilities, (and parenting duties,) and keep his little woman in her place, because he makes her feel everything is her fault! . Can't believe several posters here are defending his behaviour and trying to blame the OP.

They are either eternally single, or have been VERY fortunate to have not been on the receiving end of this kind of manipulative, controlling behaviour!

Lol@rivertam who told us she was out and then flounced off with her tail between her legs after being told (quite rightly) not to try and gag the OP, was reading secretly and hopped back in as soon as she saw an opening to have a go at someone 😂

slow day at work. Glad to give you a laugh. Pretty sure I didn't flounce, more that I got bored and wandered off, but give this thread is all about blowing up minor incidents, i'm not surprised you think that!

He sounds awful OP.

It's quite obvious he just wanted you to he woken up as he couldnt bear you to be sleeping when he wasn't, even though it's fine the other way around. And you were set up with a question to which there was no right answer

Sounds quite abusive to me especially if he has form

I'd be re evaluating this relationship tbh

I agree turn your own phone off. Don't give him a chance to be the one who decides when this is over.

RiverTam You flounced! You wrote an “anyway I’m out” flouncy post! You did the equivalent of the OP’s husband saying “it doesn’t matter why” and flouncing off to work!

He sounds really rather unpleasant tbh

I know you don’t know if he has form or not, but have a think about it. I bet he does

Eh, how am I being horrible?

This is a petty squabble between the parents. It's continuing to be a petty squabble between the parents, now via text message. The kid got batted back and forward between mum and dad.

If being horrible is taking the kids side and saying don't put him in the middle then yeah I'm happy to be horrid.

Is this really something to leave him over?

I’m confused! Opinions range from trivial to pack a bag and leave.

The kid got batted back and forward between mum and dad.

You’re weird! That didn’t happen at all lol!

It's not trivial OP. It's nasty. It's proved by the fact he won't talk and has switched off his phone. Also because you knew it was lose lose for your from the start- he obviously had form or you wouldn't have realised all the answers were wrong ones.

Your husband so I ds very immature.

We have a rule usually the parent in charge make a the decisions.

It sounds like you were in charge agile your son was ill on the night. Uout husband was on charge this morning but decided to rope you in. He raged at you, was rude by text and is now incommunicado.

He sounds like a child.

Maybe it just was a bad day.

When was the last time he raged or is this the first?

He needs to do some serious thinking and work things out better.

He did turn his phone back on, texted “in meetings”.

Sorry ... Your husband sounds very immature...

@Bluntness100

Yeah I'm happy to be horrid.

Apparently so.

@rivertam

You definitely said you were leaving the thread. No-one was bothered as your comments were unhelpful anyway.

Didn't you get the attention you wanted when you flounced?

Washing machine has leaked over laundry floor so I had to text him (he put it on) to ask whether he knew and had stopped it or whether it had leaked in the night. So he did reply.

Wow that’s good of him (!)

I’d be so tempted to just respond with “I’m not interested in talking to you”

I think it sounds like a minor argument between two stressed people with a pestering child. Have a chat about it later and give each other a break.

More bothered about the washing machine right now!

DH and I often accidentally bat DC between us sometimes. What normally happens is the DC will say 'but daddy/mummy told me to ask you' or go back and say 'mummy/daddy said to ask you'. We then realise what we're doing and the last person makes the choice or we speak between us and come to a mutual decision.

We don't send the DC in to ask when the other is asleep though. Sometimes we send the DC up to wake each other but that's only after a certain time when we know the other wants waking.

Your DH was being a dick, and continued to be so after you caught him out.

I think he was irritated at being pestered when you were asleep. The problem with being up all night while he sleeps is that he doesn't see it. I'd change the conversation to ask how he wants to deal with the mornings when you don't get sleep (or whether he wants to get up during the night).
Yes, he was being a twat, but we all have our moments. Once you've agreed on the morning issues, then have the discussion around how you handle the requests, and I'd suggest you always respond with 'have you asked your father/mother'. First decision always gets it in our house

It sounds like a petty argument but "DH comes storming in the bedroom stands over me and rages for “batting it back at him”. That sounds intimidating and mean.

Is he looking for a reason to leave? Making you the 'bad guy'?

Will he apologise?

If dh did that to me I expect I would burst into tears, jump out of bed and feel bad all day. Thankfully dh has never does this.

To me it's not a normal response. Anything else going on like illness or work stress?

Probably not really the issue but if you can agree very clear rules about the iPad you won’t have to deal with who’s the bad guy. Eg In our house it’s screens after dinner only during weekdays and off by 8pm. No screens before 8am on weekends.

You choose whatever rules work for your house and then you and dp enforce them together.

He sounds like a petty child to be honest with all the 'I'm not talking to you' and switching his phone off.

The 'raging over you' thing while you're in bed is a bit worrying too, has he done that before?

I don't think it's worth packing a bag and leaving for, but it might be worth keeping tabs on his anger and triggers - he does sound quite volatile.

At the point when he delegated the decision to you he lost the right to have a say in the outcome. And he was an arse to wake you up with this nonsense when you were trying to sleep.

Is he looking for a reason to leave? Making you the 'bad guy'?

No, he’d just go I think.

I left once, years ago, packed a bag and went when DS was a baby because he was trying to control from the office! If I rang with a problem (DS has temperature or whate er) to inform him, he’d say I’m at work, make the decision, but then objected when I called the doctor and they called an ambulance!

Turned out he was having rows with his parents (they were telling him how to parent, me too but I ignored them, it stressed him out though) but he has no contact with them now, hasn’t had for years. He apologised, begged me to go back.

He is stressed at work. We’ve just moved and he took time off and now has to catch up (high level city job).