Mothers should always be with their children until they are 3 years old

[abacucat]

This is what one parenting "expert" is recommending in the name of attachment parenting. And he does mean mothers, not fathers. AIBU to think this is a load of rubbish? Babies and toddlers are not damaged as is alleged, from spending time apart from their mother.

www.drmomma.org/2010/07/mother-toddler-separation.html

I grew up council scheme,first in family to go,to uni.it was alien to my family. Of course I was encouraged but I always felt other And to an extent I was. I didn’t grow up hearing when you go to uni at the dinners table. Sure I got told stick in at school ,had strong work ethic from home but had no 1st hand experience of the expectation to attend uni. It has taken me a long time to feel settled,not feel so other in my own profession. Class is a huge influence and a reinforcer too.

Turning a career idea into an actual career requires a combination of factors and influences. A major factor can in fact be chance and luck.

It goes deeper than that. Of course it is possible and does happen ( I'm an example of this) but you also need to take into account social and cultural capital, cultural norms and expectations, unconscious bias, a person's disposition, the school they attended, where they live...and so on.

It's complex and multi faceted.

Parents are the biggest influencing factor but this isn't always positive and they often aren't the best people to offer careers advice. They are rarely impartial and lack detailed, up to date labour market information.

Yep nepotism is still how it works.

@lipstick this was the topic of my PhD. Fascinating yet depressing in equal measure.

Really interesting topic,one which periodically spikes politicans interest blabla
I get what you’re saying completely and yes it’s compelling & depressing in equal measures.
However I don’t think the current government is interested in social mobility. They reinforce idea of fecklessness and undermine public services too. Social mobility has decreased.

I understand it's multifaceted but in my experience the other stuff pales if you have parents who are willing to support you at all costs through university, as was my experience and that of many of my wc peers. I live in a much more egalitarian country than the UK though... we're not quite so classist here upward social mobility is much easier to achieve. Case in point for your cultural norms comment I suppose!

You are right. Social mobility has declined. There are literally thousands of young people missing out on higher education purely because of their social class.

I don’t think in itself supportive we parents is always enough,but it is huge help
School and peers also consciously & unconsciously reinforce career choices
Opportunities to observe chosen career, familiarise self with its ethos,shadowing opportunities etc

In the UK social class and parental occupation/partipation in higher education are the two biggest predictors as to whether a young person will attend university.

Yes.

I can totally agree with all the points raised by Lipstick and Blaa.
my dd is very fortunate that through hard work, dedication, self motivation and her background things are starting to fall into place.
She has been involved in the business from being very little and has grown up watching her dad and his peers working, hanging out with them and learning from them.
She started making her first appearances at 8 with top professionals, it has to have an effect if you show a liking for the same subject.
Both ds were also involved but they didn't have the interest that dd has.
So yes, the opportunity, parental support, and a school where the children all share your passion.
The chance to be educated privately that's usually reserved for the mc
and elite.
Social mobility at it's best. The luck is it's offered for her subject but not others, that's so wrong.

Is your lassie in performing arts/sport Romany?

I do subscribe to this view whilst understanding it's not always possible. I stayed at home until my children were in school because I didn't want to dump them in childcare - we made lots of sacrifices financially and had them close together to minimise the time. If grandparents or father or paid nanny is available for 1:1 care that's the next best option, but none of them can breastfeed which (according to who) is best done until 2 years old, I managed 18 months personally.

I would never criticise someone who does work but if I'm asked what I think is best, I believe it's at home until around 3 (attending playgroup with the carer for socialisation) then part time until school begins.

I didn't want to dump them in childcare oh behave Annie with the value laden statements
You’re not actually adding anything to an otherwise interesting thread
So to be clear about the differences
Childcare is safe,structured and planned activity to provide safe care
Dump is a careless act,lack of regard for the child.thoughtless

One really great way of spending enough enough quality time with your kids is by not having eleven of them

‘Childcare is safe,structured and planned activity to provide safe care
Dump is a careless act,lack of regard for the child.thoughtless’

Exactly.
But when you don’t have anything of value to add to a discussion, why not pitch in with a snidy bitchy comment towards other women?

Incidentally i (and many of my friends) breasted long term while returning to work after 3 months in the 1980s/90s. It’s perfectly possible to continue bf around work, and to express milk for while the baby is being cared for by someone else.

Once again, I’m not saying this is the ‘best’ way because there is no ‘best way’. There are myriad ways to raise happy children who achieve their potential.

Lots of people continue to bf once they are back at work, I did. Bf in the morning, when you get in and before bed.

Might be trickier for shift workers but by the time most mums go back to work your milk supply should be well established, and its possible to just bf a toddler every few days.

none of them can breastfeed which (according to who) is best done until 2 years old, I managed 18 months personally.

DS was breastfed until about 3 even though I worked FT. He just did it at night.

I worked full time and breastfed three times a day for a year.

Many mothers, including SAHM can't or won't BF, OTOH.

dump them in childcare I can assure you child is not dumped anywhere.
He attends a high quality, Ofsted outstanding childcare provider. It's bloody brilliant - amazing, caring staff, wonderful facilities and activities. I think they would be incredibly offended by the idea that they are somewhere we 'dump' our kids.

“Dump them in childcare” is highly loaded and offensive.

“Institutional childcare” or “outsourcing of childcare” are factual and unloaded.

I've never met anyone who "dumped" their child in childcare, that is loaded and a horrible thing to say, besides being untrue.

Outsourcing and institution isn't as I agree, they are facts and what you are doing.
I didn't manage more than 6 weeks bf, would like to have done more. I was a sahm for 25 years.

Lipstick
It's music.