Mothers should always be with their children until they are 3 years old

[abacucat]

This is what one parenting "expert" is recommending in the name of attachment parenting. And he does mean mothers, not fathers. AIBU to think this is a load of rubbish? Babies and toddlers are not damaged as is alleged, from spending time apart from their mother.

www.drmomma.org/2010/07/mother-toddler-separation.html

I think it’s disengenous to pretend there is no trade off for families between earning and child raising. “Sacrifice” is a very loaded term that quickly raises tempers.

No need to,because institutional is said in a pejorative way
Institutional care is never a glowing recommendation,it always carries disapproval

Cherry - indeed. “Institution” isn’t a loaded term. It’s just a factual descriptor.

Institutions we all use: schools; hospitals; supermarkets; rail networks; road networks

No.institional care is a well known and pejorative term,and institutionalised is an expansion of that. Usually describing loss of individuality or an imposition
No one says in all good grace I’m looking for institutional care setting for my child

Oh but they do, lipstick! I have heard many parents express their clear preference for institutionalised childcare because of the clear rules, processes and safeguards it provides.

A sentence with the sentiment we are looking for institutionalised care.nah
Saying I’m looking for a nursery with good reviews and warm rapport isn’t same as saying we are seeking institutional care

It’s a fairly common term with reference to education settings.

I’ve certainly never heard anyone say they are looking for a nursery with warm rapport! That’s not what parents I know expect or value in a nursery. They want guarantees, governance, qualifications that only institutional settings can provide.

Read any mn nursery thread.posters will advise on vibe,warm rapport
Posters advice That reviews are helpful but not whole story.look at the vibe
Of course it’s about rapport,go observe kids with the staff,the structure
Then balance that with cost,location,availability

I don't think institutionalised is a loaded term, it describes what a place does.
It was the "institutionalised" bit that I objected to with nurseries.
We didn't want governance policies and procedures, others with qualifications, or others caring for our children in a setting, no matter how warm or the rapport gained with the children.
The term is only loaded if you look at it in a negative way, and judge others for using them.
I don't judge others because I'm sure everyone does what is best for their families in their situation with their circumstances.
We all have different opinions and beliefs. I agree with the sentiment of sahp for 3 years, otherwise I'd have continued working, obviously.

@romany how on earth did you cope when your kids went to school if you object to those particular aspects of institutionalised care??!
Those are key aspects and help drive quality.

You need a combination of rapport, warmth and proper governance....but don't underestimate the importance of the soft skills. That was certainly a deciding factor for us.

I stopped at the grocery store. Utter shite!

Blaa

They settled as well as kids who'd been to nursery and were reading and writing.
we had attended play groups and played with family and friends who had children, it was no different really.
The main thing was we were caring for them how we wanted to without policies and procedures, which are most important if you are using childcare. We had our own idea of quality, which differed from a setting governed by ofsted ratings.
I didn't always agree with what was done at school and would fight it if i felt it needed it. Otherwise as you say I was happy for them to go for as long as they were happy there.

I like the checks & balances of safeguarding, policies and inspections that CM and nursery are subject to.
I work in a v regulated career so I get it.
We Chose oue kids nursery on rapport,it came recommended and the external reports

I didn't mean how did your kids cope ( children are often surprisingly resilient) I was talking about you....if you object to policies and procedures? Why is it suddenly acceptable at school age?
I get why people don't want to use childcare but to object to it because of policies and procedures that are there to govern quality seems odd.

It’s perfectly straightforward to be able to manage governance, processes, safeguarding regulations etc at school even if you do not value those things for preschoolers (and do not therefore choose an institutional childcare setting).

What are some of the things you do differently than a nursery or childminder though, romany? If you had to send your child to a childminder because God forbid your DH left or became ill and you had to work etc or whatever reason, what would they do differently? At nursery or childcare your child gets fed, they do crafts, play outside. What is so different that you do that you couldn't put them in child care?

TBH no childminder or nursery worker comes even close to my educational level. I wanted our DC to acquire the depth and breadth of language that only a highly educated person could expose them to. And I wanted them out and about all the time, not enclosed in a small space, so they could experience a lot of the world first hand.

If you use a nursery you'll know the staff have to follow policies and procedures. I didn't agree with some of them, that's all.
If one of my friends dc bit my child, which they never did as they were watched properly, she would have dealt with it as a parent, nurseries have to deal with things the way they are told.
my kids liked closeness from a parent, and nurseries can't offer this.
Changing a nappy for me was a bonding experience, time for closeness, you don't get this in a nursery, they aren't the child's parent.
I just wanted to care for my own children, without the need for intervention.
As I say though, I don't judge those that choose/have no choice over using nurseries or child carers. Some of my closest friends did.

Also I tend to think that institutions encroach on our lives way too much. I try to avoid them if possible - humans need to live by their own standards, not according to government or corporate interests.

I was not prepared to give up working to be at home,nor was
Difference was no one asked if he would,or expected him to.whereas I was asked
Education of caregiver.none of the nursery staff were illiterate felons with tics so I felt safe and ab,e to leave my babies. I omitted to quiz them about their educational attainment or which Russell group uni they attended. How remiss of me.

@user what educational level do you expect for your pre-schooler?

Not all nurseries keep the children cooped up in one room. My son's certainly doesn't. They have a nature trail, an allotment and take regular trips into the community.

Nappy changing as a bonding experience? Okaaasy 🙄