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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers should always be with their children until they are 3 years old

522 replies

abacucat · 17/10/2018 00:11

This is what one parenting "expert" is recommending in the name of attachment parenting. And he does mean mothers, not fathers. AIBU to think this is a load of rubbish? Babies and toddlers are not damaged as is alleged, from spending time apart from their mother.

www.drmomma.org/2010/07/mother-toddler-separation.html

OP posts:
Jeanclaudejackety · 23/10/2018 19:40

To be fair it was clear my sibling was going to be a pro dancer at 8, they were at school by 10 but then injured at 21. However it was a career but no way to make money until going pro at 20ish and being actually employed as opposed to training so not really the same as what romany is saying

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 23/10/2018 19:41

You may have a career idea at 8 that you work towards and if you're lucky, ends up working out for you. but you are not 'sorted' at 8. You are very much in what is known as fantasy stage in your career decision making.

That's not just my opinion but is what theories on career decision making behaviour will tell you.

Jeanclaudejackety · 23/10/2018 19:41

Mean at a vocational school to train full time at 10.

Jeanclaudejackety · 23/10/2018 19:42

Also is it even legal to be making money that way from such a young age?!

JacquesHammer · 23/10/2018 19:44

Also is it even legal to be making money that way from such a young age?!

Well that depends. By 12 my ex was tutoring other kids in his “discipline” for small amounts of money.

By 15 he’d left school and was working.

JacquesHammer · 23/10/2018 19:47

He of course was very single minded in what he was going to do. I absolutely get that isn’t the norm.

RomanyRoots · 23/10/2018 19:50

Grin Yes, unusual. The other two didn't know what they wanted to do until much older. ds2 at 23 is just realising.
They say there's always one.
Mine announced at 3 years old, and hasn't wavered since. Is following the professors who she thinks may teach her in the future, even though I tell her they'll probably be retired by then.
It still has nothing to do with attending or not attending nursery or school or anything else really.

Momo27 · 23/10/2018 19:51

Well, good that’s she’s aspirational to have a career Smile

JacquesHammer · 23/10/2018 19:51

I’d be really interested to know if there’s a correlation between whether you yourself were in childcare and what you choose for your children.

And if you were in childcare whether you choose the same type for your kids.

That would be really interesting I think.

snowone · 23/10/2018 19:53

Sounds like an absolute muppet! Maybe he could pay our mortgage and bills and then I can stay at home!

user1499173618 · 23/10/2018 19:54

I think there are parents/personalities who don’t mind childcare and that there are parents/personalities who have strong feelings about what their young DC’s early experiences ought to be and who therefore want much greater control over their DC’s life than can be offered in an institutional setting.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 23/10/2018 19:56

My mum worked FT,I was looked after at home by my siblings
We couldn’t afford paid for childcare
My kids all attend nursery FT,and summer clubs

Lweji · 23/10/2018 19:57

With all due respect no child has their career sorted at 8

Of course some do. My ex-H did. And he’s still doing it.

Hmm... Footballer? Or thereabouts?

RomanyRoots · 23/10/2018 19:59

jacques

My dil was a childcare worker in a nursery. early days yet, baby not even a week old, but she says no nursery, and has arranged us all a day to provide childcare when she goes back to work, not in childcare Grin

I will be doing plenty of bonding over nappy changes AND LOTS OF OTHER THINGS Grin
In fairness though the nurseries are pretty dire around here, ito the carers doing their job. They walk with kids, not talking to them, discussing their night with their bf, I live close to two.
I've been told there are some brilliant providers and i have no reason to accuse parents of lying. A poster on here had a zoo attached to their nursery and it sounded amazing.
I'm not anti nursery, it just wasn't what we wanted.

JacquesHammer · 23/10/2018 19:59

LipstickHandbagCoffee thanks for replying!

Lweji hah he wishes Grin

He’s in a tech role.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 23/10/2018 19:59

She's not just unusual she's literally going against all career decision making theory that has ever been written........

3 year olds don't make well informed career decisions....neither do 8 year olds.

Some people pick an idea and work towards it and are lucky enough that their circumstances allow them to follow that idea. Some people have a hobby which, again, they are lucky enough to have a talent and the resources which allow them to persue it as a career.

There are so many influences and factors which have an impact on career decision making and career development. These aren't all apparent at young ages.

Those that say they were sorted at 8 need to understand that, to a large extent they were lucky....lucky to have the apptitude, access to education, opportunities etc.

user1499173618 · 23/10/2018 20:00

When my mother worked she left us with the next door neighbour’s daughters as babysitters. Times have changed. There weren’t nearly as many nurseries when I was young.

Momo27 · 23/10/2018 20:03

A zoo attached to a nursery sounds awful actually. Not a fan of zoos. But as they say, each to their own.

RomanyRoots · 23/10/2018 20:12

I can't remember the poster, the zoo belonged to the nursery it didn't have lions or dangerous animals, I believe.
It sounded awesome and I might have sent mine for an afternoon if one was available where we were living Grin

Blah
She knows she is very lucky and has been given lots of opportunities. She works hard, is single minded and determined and won't consider a plan B. Of course she could change her mind, it just seems very unlikely.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 23/10/2018 20:17

I'm speaking as an experienced careers adviser now a senior academic with a PhD in career decision making behaviour.....she has a career idea which may turn into reality but she is extremley unlikely to have made a fully informed career decision yet. Career development and maturity doesn't work like that.

reforder · 23/10/2018 21:37

Blaa so what if she's going against all "career decision making theory"? Hmm

What does it matter? I have two close family members who "decided" their future careers at a similar age and neither changed their mind. Both are successful in their fields and remain very passionate about their job.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 23/10/2018 21:46

I'm simply explaining how career decision making works. That's my area of expertise, my passion and my career.
Me explaining that is no different to people explaining child development, child psychology etc - as is often the case on a forum like this. 🙄

Young people can have career ideas that turn into reality - but they have not made an informed career decision.
Turning a career idea into an actual career requires a combination of factors and influences. A major factor can in fact be chance and luck.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 23/10/2018 21:54

Having a desire/interest in a job is not the same as informed career choice weighing up pro/cons and objectively looking at the skills,grades and opportunities reqd to make it happen
Of course at 10 year old kids can have a strong preference or leaning but it simply isn’t the same as an informed career choice.
Luck,class, employment connections,attitudes of school and the adults around you are all influential in pursing a career goal

And unfortunately too many w.c kids are put off careers directly and indirectly, told it’s not for them. The pupils assimilate these beliefs consciand unconsciously

That’s why professions like law,medicine are under represented by wc pupils. As a result these professions have tried to reach out to redress this imbalance

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 23/10/2018 22:01

@lipstick exactly this 👌

The impact of social class on career decision making and career development should not be underestimated.

reforder · 23/10/2018 22:21

Of course it's a major factor. Although I think if a child from a working class background has the ability and a very good, supportive parent behind them they can overcome this is most cases. Parental expectation is key.