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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What to do with aupair

607 replies

Whattheactualheck · 15/10/2018 17:04

Would really appreciate some help here. Aupair started out fairly promisingly but things are becoming increasingly strained. It doesn’t feel as though she wants to be part of our family. She spends a lot of time on her phone when she’s supposedly “ playing “ with the kids. I’ve already told her about this several times. She can’t cook and so I’m preparing all the meals even when I come back from work I’ve barely got my foot in the door and I’m busy in the kitchen. She has every weekend off and has friends she stays with in the next town so we don’t see her from Saturday morning until Sunday late at night. This is fine and I’m glad she has fun. However it’s the attitude when she’s here. She’s cold with the children. Makes no conversation and acts like she doesn’t like them. My son was ill the other day and I said I had to go back to work for a few hours and could she please look after him. I got tearful phone call from him saying could I come home as the aupair went out just after I’d left. My husband and I repeatedly tried to phone her but she wouldn’t pick up. I had to leave work in the end and her reason when I finally got hold of her was “ it was such a gorgeous sunny day I really fancied a walk”. A two hour walk when you’ve got a sick child that you’re supposed to be in charge of? Then this morning another tearful call from son saying she’s been mean to him and his siblings. Cold and snappy and just generally rolling eyes at them and being unkind. Would I be justified in calling it a day? Son she left alone is 11 by the way. I don’t mind twenty mins here and there but this was over two hours . I’ve had enough.

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 16/10/2018 17:45

Jeez she’s really taking the piss. So she swans off without letting you know?

I’d call her and say you want a word. She doesn’t get to dictate this on her terms. Honestly you sound lovely but you’re being too soft on her. She’s walking all over you.

MsLexic · 16/10/2018 17:51

She sounds a very unpleasant girl and I would not hesitate in asking her to leave.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 16/10/2018 17:51

Woah! She's gone off on a day trip? You really are paying her to be on holiday!

I think you are right, she is done with you. She is showing nothing but contempt, really. Call/text her to get back to you urgently. Then, no matter how long that takes her, pack her up and put her out with her friends.

eightoclock · 16/10/2018 17:59

Wow I think I was completely exploited as an au pair if they are expected to do this little.

I actually did provide full time childcare for 2 children, collecting another one from school. Finishing at 7 pm 4 days a week and a supposed half day on the other day which was generally till about 3 pm. They also expected me to do cleaning at the weekend, and they used to get me out of bed in the night if the baby woke up. I cooked basic meals for the children and did laundry/hoovering/cleaning bathroom. They had 4 cousins aged between 2 and 11 who I was sometimes expected to look after at the same time as their 3. This was in 1999, I was 19, and was paid £40 per week. No gym membership or any extra perks. I feel quite angry about it, reading this thread. The people seemed so nice and reasonable and I did feel tired and a bit fed up at times but blamed myself rather than them.

ohfourfoxache · 16/10/2018 17:59

Bloody hell, she’s be out on her arse if I were you Shock

TurtleCove · 16/10/2018 18:08

Get rid of her. She's old enough to know better than to leave your child alone.

Strongmummy · 16/10/2018 18:17

She sounds awful, get rid.

However, as I always say about au pairs, you get what you pair for. They aren’t child care professionals

Whattheactualheck · 16/10/2018 18:23

Strong mummy

No they aren’t childcare professionals but she’s not being asked to do anymore than I’d ask of a baby sitter or big sister. Nothing professional needed or required just a grown up who can remain in the same house as a child who was off school with a virus. Child was very sleepy and sedate not running around being hard work or sick with diarrhoea/ vomiting. It really wasn’t much to ask. The kids don’t need much entertainment at their age.

OP posts:
Whattheactualheck · 16/10/2018 18:25

She’s back. Now outside chain smoking. Better go speak to her

OP posts:
montenuit · 16/10/2018 18:26

Leaving your son alone i could maybe excuse if she didn't realise that wasn't ok (perhaps) but a moody sulky teenager who you are paying well to do nothing, who isn't even nice to your kids, who creates a horrible atmosphere?

Seriously?
Who do you care more about, her or your kids?

Jenny2710 · 16/10/2018 18:28

Get rid before she causes damage. We had one, who we gave the benefit of the doubt to and she abused us, culminating in her arrest for drunken driving, compounded by running away with an old married man who became her sugar daddy. Lovely girl. After she had gone the kids told me she used to swear at them and was awful when we weren't there. Glad to get her out and that the kids were safe, never again.
She never wanted to be a part of the family, which might be an unrealistic expectation.

sallyfox · 16/10/2018 18:30

Fire her now. Keep her away from your children. When my adult children were much younger, I had at least 25 au pairs over the years, most of whom at least tried. I had to fire a few

HollowTalk · 16/10/2018 18:32

Blimey, she is really taking the piss. I'm glad you're getting rid of her.

TheDowagerCuntess · 16/10/2018 18:32

I hope it's gone well.

It's ludicrous to prioritise some inept random over your own kids, so the sooner this is over, the better.

TattooUndo · 16/10/2018 18:43

Good luck. Be strong. You've got this.

fifithefoof · 16/10/2018 18:46

If she fucked off for the day without permission then she's made it easier to end it!

Don't let her stay, she clearly has somewhere she can go and I wouldn't want someone being unpleasant to my kids in my house!

All a moot point though as you're probably outside talking to her.

Whattheactualheck · 16/10/2018 18:48

Oh god that was awful. My heart is racing and I feel sick. She was crying and said she thought everything was ok

OP posts:
Whattheactualheck · 16/10/2018 18:49

I’ve said I’ll do anything I can to help her

OP posts:
fifithefoof · 16/10/2018 18:50

Oh for fucks sake. Sorry op. Do you believe her?! She's been unpleasant to them no? They're just children, that's not ok, no matter where you're from!

inlectorecumbit · 16/10/2018 18:50

She is playing you
She knows what she did was wrong, she doesn't gel with the kids. She needs to be gone.

inlectorecumbit · 16/10/2018 18:51

In fact she is probably crying as her meal ticker has come to an end.

JaneEB · 16/10/2018 18:51

So she really did think she came here for a paid holiday. You have done the right thing, it would only have got worse! Of course she was crying, she's lost her freeloading lifestyle!

Well done, if you get another au pair make sure you go through the right channels, that way they general know what to expect.

acivilcontract · 16/10/2018 18:52

Hope it had gone well OP, no one just swans off for the day if they actually want to keep the job, maybe she is pushing to get fired?
Anyway good luck.

BoomBoomsCousin · 16/10/2018 18:52

If she really thought everything was OK, that's yet another sign of her lack of suitability really, isn't it?

slkk · 16/10/2018 18:53

But sick kids are part of the job! I had a newborn, a 2 year old and a 6 year old when I was 18. I distinctly remember one particular evening with the baby screaming after school pickup when the 6 year old threw up on me just as the 2 year old came over and pissed himself. That was fun to clean up. And equally, looking after them when I was sick. She has to go.

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