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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter in law putting grandson into modelling and film work. AIBU to talk to her about it?

154 replies

DaisyandLiam · 15/10/2018 16:04

Hiya

My grandson is a gorgeous 6 month old but I really don't like modelling for babies. My daughter in law seems to think it's a great idea but since hearing about it I'm really not keen. My son doesn't really like it either but wouldn't dare upset her HmmHmm he did 2 jobs so far and they don't sound enjoyable for him at all!!

Would it be wrong of me to help my son talk to her about it?

OP posts:
BlueEyedPersephone · 15/10/2018 17:45

Not remotely reasonable for you to interfere, you can be a person for your son can use as a sounding board. But he and dil have to agree between themselves, you cannot get involved unless you want to cause a rift

cadburyegg · 15/10/2018 17:48

YABU do not interfere

My mil wants our babies to be models, I don’t. My opinion trumps hers.

Your only course of action would be to advise your son to talk to his wife if he disagrees

ZoeWashburne · 15/10/2018 17:59

I can’t believe you would insert yourself this much in your son’s life. The reason he can’t speak to his wife (eye roll at that alone) is because his mummy steps in for him still.

Cut the apron strings! Let your son manage his life.

Strokethefurrywall · 15/10/2018 18:01

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BewareOfDragons · 15/10/2018 18:07

Stay well out of it.

If your son is truly unhappy about it, he's the one that needs to say something. Not you. And not you pushing him into it either. If he hasn't, it's not really something that bothers him, is it? Just the time, not the actual 'modelling' which might provide your grandson with a nice little bank account to enjoy in the future.

Luangwa · 15/10/2018 18:08

A friend of mine put her DC in for modelling. The agency told her, they could not use children between about the ages of 6 months - 2+, because the children won't keep in one place and don't understand what they are being told to do. However, she did get a nice all expenses paid holiday to Italy for one modelling job, when DC was old enough to co-operate - and DC looked very happy in the photographs in the catalogue! (I have no idea what happened to the money for the job, but then the money was irrelevant for them)

So, you may find the issue evaporates soon for a couple of years at least!

Doubletrouble99 · 15/10/2018 18:10

Have you ever thought that your son is just saying he doesn't like it to pacify you! Maybe he is actually perfectly happy. Please leave well alone.

Oysterbabe · 15/10/2018 18:13

If my husband and his mum staged some kind of intervention to question a parenting decision I'd made I'd be telling both to fuck off so hard...

Ellisandra · 15/10/2018 18:24

If this child has done two (TWO!) jobs I’d love to know why your son is concerned about missing family time. How much time exactly?

Also curious how you know he wasn’t enjoying. As other posters have said, grumpy upset babies don’t get the jobs.

At 6 months old, if I’d taken my boy, he’d have had non stop attention from me there and back and waiting, and loads of new stimulation being there. He’d have loved it!

simplysecondnature · 15/10/2018 18:27

Your son is old enough to be married with a kid so he's old enough to express his opinions to his wife without needing his mum!

KTCluck · 15/10/2018 18:52

As someone who has a very lovely, but very opinionated, MIL, who has been known to interfere on occasion, I’d say definitely leave well alone.

When my MIL has felt the need to ‘have a talk’ with me about parenting decisions all it has ever achieved is pissing me off and making me feel criticised. It has never made me change my mind and just makes me less inclined to then ever ask her advice for anything at all. Which is a shame, because I do in general value her opinion, I just don’t always agree with it.

The times MIL has overstepped the line the thing that has annoyed me most is that she seems to believe she is looking out for DD’s best interests while assuming I’m not. Your OP sounds quite similar. Assuming your DIL is a normal loving parent then her DS will be her absolute world. No one will love him more than her and your son. If the modelling was upsetting for him then you have to trust her judgement and that she wouldn’t put him through it again. And if your son truly had major concerns I’m sure he would raise it with her.

Just like I’ve said to my MIL, chill out, stop worrying about the things that really don’t matter (like those leggings are far too tight and DD will get nappy rash / she’ll die if she doesn’t wear a woolly hat in August Hmm) and trust them to know how best to raise their child.

MadameButterface · 15/10/2018 19:00

"Have you ever thought that your son is just saying he doesn't like it to pacify you! Maybe he is actually perfectly happy."

mmmmmm

and given that op says "he says he isn't keen but as she does most of it it's ok but he would rather spend the time free doing family stuff but he doesn't want to upset her and has said that to me" I am wondering if maybe he is actually using it as a bit of an excuse for whatever reason.

I am having a moment of wild surmise here obvs but the sort of person who wants to march round and take her dil to task over a parenting decision may also be a person who does not have the healthiest boundaries or who is easy to say 'no' or 'back off' to.

Biancadelriosback · 15/10/2018 19:45

You should be there as someone he can vent to. Someone he can turn to when he feels down or worried or just pissed off. But you don't get involved. Offer him advice when he asks for it, otherwise leave them to sort it out themselves

Oliversmumsarmy · 15/10/2018 20:11

Both dd and ds have done tv, modelling and advert work till they grew too tall.

We know people in the film industry who say they wouldn’t put their dc in it because of how they get treated.

Everyone I know who has done it their dc have had an absolute blast. Dc and I are still friends with the people we met on set.

Even now dc reminisce about some of the things they got to do with some very famous people.

I have no idea why you would know a 6 month old didn’t like it.

FWIW dd was taken on by an agency at 9 days old.

Everything was hugely regulated. Only allowed to work for so many minutes before a break and I have never been on a set where they didn’t adhere to it.

And the money isn’t bad either. Both dd and ds have a nice little nest egg.

Rainbunny · 15/10/2018 21:04

Definitely stay out of it, it really is not your place to weigh in on this.

I wouldn't get too worked about it though, it's highly unlikely that much will come of this. I'm sure your DC is gorgeous but that doesn't automatically translate to telegenic/photogenic and there are other factors, his behaviour, demeanor etc all have to be right . I know two women who tried to get their babies into the child tv/modelling business and both dropped it after about 6 months of no call backs or assignments. There are far more parents out there who think their child is uniquely gorgeous than available work.

CloudPop · 15/10/2018 21:25

This is how the MIL threads start. If your son isn't happy he should talk to his wife. If you're not happy, talk to your friends and have a good old moan. (Not meant unkindly - just find people you can let off steam with)

CloudPop · 15/10/2018 21:28

And I have to say, if I found out my husband and MIL were discussing our parenting choices behind my back I would be very, very annoyed

Tigger001 · 15/10/2018 21:35

How is your 6 month old grandson really not enjoying it, what are they doing with him ?

Momasita · 15/10/2018 21:45

Some great posts, starling v true where does it end, her mum thinks it's great her dad doesn't etc.

Op maybe you need to ask why your son can't speak up for himself and tell his wife?. Rather than reflection on baby film star more of self reflection. I've raised a son who can't speak out to his own wife?

Does he have self esteem issues?

Momasita · 15/10/2018 21:47

Madame that's also a crucial point.

Some people just nod and go along with moaners. I have relative who never gets peoples true feelings about anything because he won't give them room.

Momasita · 15/10/2018 21:48

Posted to soon.

Maybe it was yours sons idea but you've had such a reaction to it he is putting blame on wife!

badg3r · 15/10/2018 21:51

My son doesn't like the idea either so it's not completely not my business.

It is none of your business. At all. Also agree with Madame's point. Did he instigate the conversation or was he just nodding along with you?

badg3r · 15/10/2018 21:52

(Although fwiw I do not like the idea of child modelling either...)

bastardkitty · 15/10/2018 21:55

If you have another baby OP, you'll be able to decide whether or not to sign it up for modelling jobs. But this one is none of your business. Does your son normally talk about his wife to you behind her back?

finn1020 · 15/10/2018 21:56

It’s absolutely none of your business.

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