Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter in law putting grandson into modelling and film work. AIBU to talk to her about it?

154 replies

DaisyandLiam · 15/10/2018 16:04

Hiya

My grandson is a gorgeous 6 month old but I really don't like modelling for babies. My daughter in law seems to think it's a great idea but since hearing about it I'm really not keen. My son doesn't really like it either but wouldn't dare upset her HmmHmm he did 2 jobs so far and they don't sound enjoyable for him at all!!

Would it be wrong of me to help my son talk to her about it?

OP posts:
MrsStrowman · 15/10/2018 16:23

I don't like this kind of thing either, DH worked for over a decade in the film industry so I know he's on the same page regarding child models and performers. HOWEVER this is not your child, your son is a grown man and if he has an issue he can raise it. The way they choose to parent their child is absolutely nothing to do with you unless you think the child's safety is at risk. You need to keep out of it.

LadyGrey1013 · 15/10/2018 16:23

YABU - You can be an ear for your son if he requires, and if they ask your opinion, great! But otherwise it's absolutely none of your business! This is a marital/parental discussion. Inserting yourself into their discussion about their child isn't on, in any fashion.

NeepNeepNeep · 15/10/2018 16:24

To put your mind at ease, it's baby modelling. Not being sent down a coal mine.

DaisysStew · 15/10/2018 16:24

Your son is a grown man with a family of his own - it’s not your place to have a word on his behalf and it’s ridiculous that you would think that it was.

Cast your mind back to when your son was small - would you have taken kindly to your MIL telling you what to do with your child? Doubt it.

OlennasWimple · 15/10/2018 16:24

It wouldn't thrill me, but it would still be none of my business. She's not putting him in danger, she's not neglecting him. Pick your battles - this isn't one of them

Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2018 16:25

You think being a "good mother" means you interfere in your adult son's marriage? That YOU have the right to confront HIS wife? You certainly think a lot of yourself. Wind your neck in.

TickTickBoomBoom · 15/10/2018 16:28

I would stay out of it as well, but for what it's worth - I do extra work in movies, and was going to sign my DC up for modelling and extra work also, but didn't have the funds for the insurance at the time.

Everyone on a set, and especially children, get treated very well. No way would they do anything to make a child/baby feel uncomfortable. They're only allowed to 'work' a limited number of hours and the mother is always present. If child gets distressed in any way, work is halted 'till child calms down. I really wouldn't worry about it too much. HTH

Lydiaatthebarre · 15/10/2018 16:28

As the baby's grandmother you are, of course, entitled to be concerned and to have an opinion. But I don't think you should be coming between your son and his wife on this. But I don't understand why your son doesn't speak up. Is he always so afraid of upsetting his wife? He is certainly entitled to an equal say in this, and to be listened to by his wife.

I do understand your concerns, but unfortunately I think you need to keep out of it.

Lydiaatthebarre · 15/10/2018 16:29

Neither, however, do I think you deserve some of the rude responses you're getting on here.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 15/10/2018 16:30

YABU please don't do this. It is between his parents and if you interfere it may damage your relationship with your DIL permanently. I understand that you may be worried as child modelling/acting can be contentious but if your little grandson didn't enjoy it then that will be apparent and he will not be booked for further work.

If your son is unhappy with this situation then he needs to speak to his wife about this issue alone, this is what grown ups do.

If you are there then your DIL may feel ganged up on and it could quickly escalate into a row rather than a discussion. If it did result in an argument then when your DS and DIL resolve this issue you could potentially forever be viewed as an interfering, trouble causing, overbearing MIL.

Starlings27 · 15/10/2018 16:30

My son doesn't like the idea either so it's not completely not my business

Well, what if her mum does approve? Should she also come and join in the conversation? What if her sister approves too? Then they'll outnumber your son and you. But wait, perhaps you could bring another family member to even up the numbers... Don't you see how ridiculous that it?

The only people who get to weigh in on this are the baby's parents.

SoupDragon · 15/10/2018 16:31

Unless you'd son is a child, of course it's none of your business!

You wouldn't be being a "good mother" you'd be an "interfering mother in law"

TatterdemalionAspie · 15/10/2018 16:31

I would stay out of their marriage, if I were you. This is not your business, and if your son isn't happy with the situation then it's for him to bring it up with his wife.

You are entitled to your opinion, but you would be extremely unwise to express it!

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 15/10/2018 16:31

I hate this kind of thing but I hope I would have the sense not to say so to the woman who controls whether I get to see my grandchild.

Oldbutstillgotit · 15/10/2018 16:31

DD was approached about DGS doing modelling when he was a toddler. I wasn’t keen but I NEVER said anything as it was none of my business and this is none of yours ! In the end DD refused but it was her decision.

mimibunz · 15/10/2018 16:32

You say you’re concerned about his well being; surely his own mother is as well??

sparklyfee · 15/10/2018 16:33

Sounds like you and your son dislike the idea for entirely different reasons.

As other pps have said YABU and ganging up on his wife isn't going to end well.

It's not your business at all

Fridaydreamer · 15/10/2018 16:33

Nope nope and more nope.

Not your place to say anything unless you are specifically asked. And even if you are, be sure to word it wisely.

If my DH brought his mother along to talk to me about a parenting decision it would be the end. Not only would it enrage me but I’d lose all respect for him as a man.

Please bear in mind this is not something that is abusive or bad for your GS. It’s something many children do. Just because you judge it, does not allow you to interfere.

If your son objects he needs to man up and talk to his wife.

You need to stay the hell out of it.

Thatstheendofmytether · 15/10/2018 16:34

If your son has a problem with it then it is up to him to speak to his wife about it. He should't need mummy to run I and do it for him, he hasn't asked you to anyway so not sure why you would think it was anything to do with you.

FunSponges · 15/10/2018 16:34

You are the definition of interfering MIL. If your son doesn't like it he is capable of talking to his wife without you there.

FunkyHeroCat · 15/10/2018 16:34

Difficult sometimes to get your head round, but parents are in charge of their children, not grandparents. If you're putting your oar in at 6 months old, what happens when disciplinary issues come up, or school choices, or which friends they have (actually that last one isn't even the parents' choice generally!)

Also - if your son is unhappy with something, he and his wife can talk about it. That's how good marriages/relationships generally work.

JupiterDrops · 15/10/2018 16:34

If your son is too scared to talk to his own wife about something he's apparently not happy with in regards to his own child, maybe you should have raised him in a different way.
Is your DIL ok to mention to you that she doesn't approve of the way you raised your son?

Jeippinghmip · 15/10/2018 16:36

Take a step away grandma.

Poisondartfrog · 15/10/2018 16:41

I’d not like the thought of my DGC doing modelling either but wouldn’t say anything. It’s really hard as a GP when you see things that are totally against your own ideas of how things should be done etc but it’s important to keep your lips buttoned.

MarthasGinYard · 15/10/2018 16:43

'My son doesn't like the idea either so it's not completely not my business. '

Then your son needs to speak to his wife

Why on earth does it involve you?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.