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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter in law putting grandson into modelling and film work. AIBU to talk to her about it?

154 replies

DaisyandLiam · 15/10/2018 16:04

Hiya

My grandson is a gorgeous 6 month old but I really don't like modelling for babies. My daughter in law seems to think it's a great idea but since hearing about it I'm really not keen. My son doesn't really like it either but wouldn't dare upset her HmmHmm he did 2 jobs so far and they don't sound enjoyable for him at all!!

Would it be wrong of me to help my son talk to her about it?

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 15/10/2018 16:12

As a MIL myself I wouldn't dream of sticking my oar in. It's none of your business OP. You risk ruining your relationship with ddil.

cleopatracomingatya · 15/10/2018 16:12

YABU - stay out of it

EwItsAHooman · 15/10/2018 16:12

This would not go down well in my home. If my DH wanted to talk to me, his wife about a parenting decision, but brought his mum along, I would go apeshit.

Same here. MIL would be told to kindly go home and to keep her beak out in future then DH and I would be having strong words about exactly how many adults there are who get a say about how our DC are raised (spoiler: two, and neither of them is MIL).

EsmeeMerlin · 15/10/2018 16:12

Not your business. If you son is not that keen, he is an adult and able to talk to his partner about it. He does not need his mother having his relationship and parenting discussions for him.

DaisyLand · 15/10/2018 16:12

How old is your son? Can’t he talk for himself ? IS he scared of her reaction ?
A babys life’s decisions only belong to their mum and dad. The rest should stay out of it

None of your business (in case you need to hear it once more )

Shoxfordian · 15/10/2018 16:12

Yeah it's not your business

Villainelle · 15/10/2018 16:13

Sounds like a great idea! If you'd like your son and DIL to get divorced that is.

QueenOfMyWorld · 15/10/2018 16:14

Your son is in the wrong really,he should speak up rather than telling you he's not keen presumably behind his wife's back.Modelling for babies is extra cash,maybe your dil is just wanting to put money away for him

flowery · 15/10/2018 16:14

”My son doesn't like the idea either so it's not completely not my business.”

I don’t follow your logic. The mere fact your son doesn’t like something makes it your business?

AuntBeastie · 15/10/2018 16:15

It would be really inappropriate for you to get involved. You aren’t the baby’s parent and your preferences aren’t really relevant. It obviously doesn’t matter that much to your son or he would have spoken to his wife (he might even be in favour but hiding that from you because he knows you don’t approve)

MadameButterface · 15/10/2018 16:15

don't get involved in disputes between your son and his wife. it's completely unacceptable. the fact that your dgs is only 6 months old and you're getting ready to wade in sticking your face in their affairs already makes it look like you're one of Those Mils, and it never ends well for them.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 15/10/2018 16:15

If your son is old enough to be married and making babies, he's old rnough to talk to his wife without your interfearence.
Like everyone said, this will not go well.

LolaTola · 15/10/2018 16:15

Keep your snout out.

Original poster
DaisyandLiam · 15/10/2018 16:16

Wow ok. I didn't think t would be seen as such a terrible idea. He hasn't asked me to no he says he isn't keen but as she does most of it it's ok but he would rather spend the time free doing family stuff but he doesn't want to upset her and has said that to me so I thought I was being a good mother.

OP posts:
silverpetals · 15/10/2018 16:16

Your son is a big boy and I’m sure he can handle it if he’s that bothered. He’s not at primary school and needing mummy to fight his corner.

What makes you think you care more about your grandsons wellbeing than his own mother?

Fatasfook · 15/10/2018 16:17

Take yourself back to when your son was s baby, how would you feel if your mil told you she disapproved of some of your decisions?

DiscontinuedModelHusband · 15/10/2018 16:17

Christ, if we'd pandered to all my MIL's wishes when it came to decisions about our DC, they wouldn't have done half the amazing things they have done.

You're allowed to disapprove. I'd even go further than some here and say you're allowed to let them know you don't approve.

However, because they're grown adults capable of assessing situations by themselves, they're absolutely allowed to tell you that it's none of your business.

You got to make your own choices about how to raise your own children. You've either suffered the consequences of bad ones, and/or enjoyed the successes of good ones.

As will they in time. Allow them the same opportunity.

Scatteredthoughtss · 15/10/2018 16:18

My son doesn't like the idea either so it's not completely not my business.
The fact that you son doesn't like the idea, means NOTHING AT ALL with regard to whether you say anything. Unless you have raised a wimpy idiot then he can talk for himself. You, meanwhile can mind your own business and maintain a good relationship with your daughter in law.

NonaGrey · 15/10/2018 16:19

My son doesn't like the idea either so it's not completely not my business

A disagreement between your son and his wife is categorically not your business.

Your interference is likely to weaken his case with his wife not strengthen it.

I actually agree with you, I wouldn’t have ever considered this for my own children but it’s not my business what anyone else does.

I do rather wonder if your son is just telling you what you want to hear...

HildaZelda · 15/10/2018 16:20

Not your baby, not your business. Don't interfere between your son and his wife.

AuntBeastie · 15/10/2018 16:21

Talking to your son’s wife about how you disapprove of her actions because your son has expressed in very mild terms that he would rather do other activities sometimes is not being a good mother.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 15/10/2018 16:21

Bugger all to do with you. Butt out or you risk your relationship with your DIL, son and grandson.

Inertia · 15/10/2018 16:21

If you don't like modelling for babies, then don't do it with your own.

If your son and DIL disagree about it, then you sticking your oar in will cause even more bother.

MadameButterface · 15/10/2018 16:21

" I'd even go further than some here and say you're allowed to let them know you don't approve."

I do slightly agree with this, with the caveat that you do so in a mature and non confrontational way. eg if you are concerned that the long days make him tired or disrupt his routine, you could say 'gosh that sounds like a long day, doesn't he get tired?'

an example of the way to NOT do it would be to passive aggressively baby talk to your dgs like 'oh poor dgs are you ever so tired from mummy making you do modelling, I bet you would rather be playing at nanny's house wouldn't you, yes you would'

stepmummamumma · 15/10/2018 16:21

I agree that you can talk to your son about it but it is not your place to say anything to your daughter in law, her son, her decision. As an aside, my husband and I are in the Film industry and would never put our (unborn) child into the field. Yes, there are laws regarding hours and working conditions, but people in that industry like to get their pound of flesh. So if they are paying for him then they expect to get what they need in the time allowed. Some directors/crew are lovely but some not. Not worth the risk personally...

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