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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter in law putting grandson into modelling and film work. AIBU to talk to her about it?

154 replies

DaisyandLiam · 15/10/2018 16:04

Hiya

My grandson is a gorgeous 6 month old but I really don't like modelling for babies. My daughter in law seems to think it's a great idea but since hearing about it I'm really not keen. My son doesn't really like it either but wouldn't dare upset her HmmHmm he did 2 jobs so far and they don't sound enjoyable for him at all!!

Would it be wrong of me to help my son talk to her about it?

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 15/10/2018 16:44

If you ever want a relationship with your dil in the future please don't say anything.

Barbie222 · 15/10/2018 16:45

I feel the same way as you but I wouldn't say anything unless asked; if someone did ask I'd have something to say though.

MakeAHouseAHome · 15/10/2018 16:45

YABVU!! I would flip my shit if my MIL spoke to me on my DHs behalf or whatever. If he has enough f an issue then he will speak to her. Otherwise stay out of it.

fernandoanddenise · 15/10/2018 16:45

Oh OP, I agree on the baby modelling - yuck - but it's definitely not your business.

If (as you commented earlier) you want to be a good mum to your son you could advise him to have a grown up chat with his wife rather than through you? Could he be using you as a mouthpiece to voice his concerns? That's not fair.

TRUST ME - passing judgement on anything your DIL does with that baby (short of actual safeguarding concerns) is a massive risk to your relationship so don't do it.

GerdaLovesLili · 15/10/2018 16:48

Why do you think she'll take more notice of you than her husband?

Lindy2 · 15/10/2018 16:51

If a 6 month old baby was doing something that upset them they would cry. If they are crying they won't get the modelling work. They generally want happy baby photos not upset babies.
If he's successfully done 2 jobs then your grandson is most likely perfectly happy in front of the camera.
Any talking about it would be between your DIL and son. If your DIL is doing all the arranging and travelling to and fro from shoots then really it is mainly her business.

1sttimeDD · 15/10/2018 16:52

If your son doesn't like the idea, it's his place to comment on it as it is his child. Not yours. You have no right to interfere!

SandAndSea · 15/10/2018 16:54

Just stay out of it.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 15/10/2018 16:55

My son doesn't like the idea either so it's not completely not my business

Even if your son really really doesn't like it, it's still none of your business. None.

Your son is married which means he's a fully functioning adult. Once that happens his likes and dislikes become none of your business. For the sake of your relationship with your DIL please leave this alone and accept that their decisions are theirs and unless they specifically ask for your intervention it's always best to offer none.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 15/10/2018 16:58

Don't interfere. This has nothing to do with you @DaisyandLiam

Whattheactualheck · 15/10/2018 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

1Wanda1 · 15/10/2018 17:00

My mother often "helps" my brother by telling his partner what is/is not good for their son. It never goes down well and has recently resulted in my SIL refusing to allow my brother to take their child to see my parents at all - this went on for about 3 months.

I can't see how you getting involved, as MIL, is going to be anything other than divisive and negative. Either your son can speak to his wife himself and they can agree or disagree about it, or he's too weak to express his views himself, in which case perhaps that's how their relationship works. Having MIL weighing in with her opinion is only going to make DIL feel ganged up on and like her DH has been disloyal to her.

Whattheactualheck · 15/10/2018 17:05

So sorry wrong thread

Louloup20 · 15/10/2018 17:09

It is literally the worse thing you can do. My husband is big enough to tell me himself if he is not happy with my parenting decisions and if he bought his mum along to try and harden the point I would go ape shit...

You have raised your kids, let them work it out.

Also my daughter did a bit of modelling when she was 6 month and she actually loved it. There were toys and games and endless people trying to entertain the children and they usually have a blast if it is done properly.

acivilcontract · 15/10/2018 17:16

OP I agree with you about modeling, wouldn't touch it for my dc. But it isn't your business and unless asked directly your views are I wouldn't say anything.

glamorousgrandmother · 15/10/2018 17:16

If the baby doesn't like it he won't get many jobs so the whole idea will be shortlived. One of my grandsons did some modelling as a toddler and loved the dressing up and was a natural in front of a camera. They dont choose children who get upset or are shy as it takes longer and studio time is expensive. He didn't earn a great deal as they keep the sessions short for small children and once you take out the travelling costs it was hardly worth it.

He did get one good job after auditioning (modelling Thor dressing up for Disney shops) but got chicken pox and couldn't do it. My daughter stopped it once he started school.

As for the original question - stay out of it. No harm will come to the child, it won't last long and it's none of your business.

mastertomsmum · 15/10/2018 17:21

I did it and I loved it. It opened doors for drama school too. If my DS has not been premature and had not had surgery etc, I would have signed him up. Turns out he’s a musician, but that’s another story

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/10/2018 17:24

My son doesn't like the idea either so it's not completely not my business. I'd talk to her about it with my son

He wouldn't dare upset her

Sounds like he married his mother.

FlowThroughIt · 15/10/2018 17:24

"he did 2 jobs so far and they don't sound enjoyable for him at all!!"

You weren't there and as long as he isn't being abused or neglected it's not your place to interfere.

My daughter got upset because I took her rattle away because she was repeatedly hitting herself in the face with it, but I guess because she didn't enjoy me taking it away I should have let her carry on until she gave herself a bruise again. Hmm

BubblesInTheTub · 15/10/2018 17:31

If you were my MIL I'd book him as many modelling jobs as possible, I'd post about it all over social media (assuming you're friends), and tell you about it as much as possible on every occasion just to piss you off.

None of your business.

Your son needs to grow a spine and speak to his wife about it if he feels so strongly

multiplemum3 · 15/10/2018 17:32

Why on earth would you think it's your place to say anything? Not your baby, not your decisions. Your son was big enough to get someone pregnant he's big enough to talk to them without his mummy.

Seaweed42 · 15/10/2018 17:33

If your grandson aged 6 months 'doesn't enjoy something' he will cry or grizzle or fall asleep and unless the job is for a crying baby, he won't be getting the 'job'.
It could be a handy way for her to get out of the house and make some extra money. I can't see how you can make a baby 'work' if they don't enjoy it. Someone's kid has to be the model for babystuff. Mumsnet probably wouldn't exist otherwise because advertisting makes it free for all of us to use.

Ilikeknitting · 15/10/2018 17:33

Does your adult child often ‘need’ you to tell him how to behave? What to say? And who to say it to?

Leave him alone, leave his wife alone, leave them to raise their child the way they see fit.

Do not be that grandmother, and if thIs is a stealth boast of “ my grandchild is a model” hang your head in shame!

RoboticMary · 15/10/2018 17:34

It really isn’t your business. Say nothing. It won’t end well if you do. And your son is a big boy - if he has a problem, he can discuss it with his wife like an adult. He didn’t need backup from mummy!

Littlechocola · 15/10/2018 17:37

What don’t you like about it op? Maybe we can put your mind at rest?

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