Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with dp

138 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 14/10/2018 15:14

I'm on mat leave baby is three months. Dp went working away and spent 150 quid on some items (books) to do with his hobby. We are about to move house and he told me he might not be able to afford to paint the children's (my step children's ) rooms as he's short on funds and he also pulled a face about paying half for ds baby swimming lessons at 75 quid each. The DSC also need new winter clothes IE hoddies and jeans and trainers. I'm so pissed off, I never spend money on myself at the momment as it's going towards our house move and Christmas etc or baby.
I get that's it's his hobby but surely if money is short then the kids are the priority?

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 14/10/2018 15:17

He’s a selfish arse. So it’s ok to spend money 9n stuff he wants but not on what the dc need? Wanker.

ferntwist · 14/10/2018 15:19

YANBU. Seriously selfish. How long have you been together? Is he a good dad in other ways?

Oddcat · 14/10/2018 15:22

£75 for a swimming lesson Shock

He’s selfish and it will be him that has to explain to the kids why their room isn’t painted .

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 14/10/2018 15:24

Ive told him I'm not buying the clothes or paying to paint the rooms as he needs to do this. I'm just angry esp since our baby was born he will pay for fun stuff like karting for his kids (as he enjoys going I suspect) or his hobbies but hasn't contributed towards anything for ds. I'm not sure how he thinks ds is clothed or gets to go to play groups etc.
He didn't even tell me he had done it. I spotted the books and asked what are they and he looked guilty before telling me -tbh I suspect he spent more than whatever told me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 14/10/2018 15:25

No it's 150 a term for swimming - 10 weeks. So 75 each. It's because they are small classes due to bring all babies

OP posts:
Bluelady · 14/10/2018 15:38

While I'm not defending his spending, babies don't need swimming lessons and I wouldn't be coughing up for those either. How he spends money on his children, ie your stepchildren, OP, is between him and them. Maybe the'd rather go karting than have their room painted?

Holidayshopping · 14/10/2018 15:43

He’s a selfish arse but really, if you can’t afford it-swimming lessons for babies at £150 a term are totally unnecessary. Just take the baby swimming once a week and focus on them enjoying it!

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 14/10/2018 15:44

No it's family money. The rooms need decorating as it's a new house and one of the rooms was being used as an office so needs skimming and painting.
I've never ever questioned him spending money on the children but it annoys me when he does it on treats not stuff they need like clothes etc. And yes baby does need swimming lessons, in my view, it's important for development and confidence plus we swim as a family.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 14/10/2018 15:46

He's being selfish and acting like a single man

ferrier · 14/10/2018 15:49

Another one saying swimming lessons are equally a luxury. I wouldn't be giving my baby swimming lessons above my hobby.
The stepkids' clothes are his responsibility ... and that of his ex.
You need to come to an agreement about how bills are paid, who is responsible for what and how spare money is treated .. otherwise you will continue to have disagreements about how the money is spent.

SoyDora · 14/10/2018 15:53

It’s irrelevant whether other people would pay for baby swimming lessons or not, I assume he agreed to pay half before they were booked then went back on it as he’d spent all his money?

arethereanyleftatall · 14/10/2018 15:53

Well, he could be a selfish, stingy arse.
Or, he could think babies swimming lessons are a waste of money (a valid point), and the rooms don't need painting.
It's difficult for us to say. I'm not sure why your wants trump his.

SoyDora · 14/10/2018 15:55

Or, he could think babies swimming lessons are a waste of money (a valid point), and the rooms don't need painting

That’s fine, as long as it was made clear in advance. My impression from the OP was that he said he’d pay for the swimming lessons and then changed his mind as he’d spent all his spare cash.
Did you discuss these things in advance OP?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 14/10/2018 15:56

And yes baby does need swimming lessons, in my view, it's important for development and confidence plus we swim as a family.

Your baby really does not need swimming lessons, regardless of whether you swim or not the baby will be fine with you taking him to the pool.

You can be cross at him prioritising his hobby over the children's bedrooms but he is just as entitled to spend money on himself as the children.

Bluelady · 14/10/2018 15:58

All OP has said is that he pulled a face when asked to cough up £75 for swimming lessons for a three month old baby. He clearly doesn't see painting the rooms as a priority. The clothes are an issue for the kids' parents, not OP.

PotteringAlong · 14/10/2018 15:58

Your baby doesn’t need swimming lessons. You can take them swimming yourself for a lot less than £15 for half an hour. Water confidence just needs them to be in the water. You can sing nursery rhymes to them yourself.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 14/10/2018 15:59

I thought we did. We split bills equally for the home. I pay for all the kids swimming lessons Inc DSC.
I don't mind most of the time but we are really a struggling due to the move and me being on mat leave

OP posts:
SoyDora · 14/10/2018 16:00

If he was told he’s got to cough up with no previous discussion about whether they wanted the baby to have swimming lessons or not then I agree, he’s entitled to think it’s not a priority and say no.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 14/10/2018 16:02

The main point is I would never think of going off and spending 150 quid or more on myself at the momment. I'd love a spa day or a new expensive pair of shoes or theater tickets or whatever - but the family's needs come first as that's way it is

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 14/10/2018 16:04

The point is he said he contribute to baby eg sensory or half lessons or some such but then says he can't afford to do so as money is tight. Which I understand. Same as for the house move. But then ...this

OP posts:
Antigon · 14/10/2018 16:06

OP, you say it's joint money but that you pay for DSC swimming lessons. Do you mean pay half?

If he's prioritising his hobby then you're perfectly entitled to stop paying half or all of DSC swimming lessons.

How are you financially due to being on ML?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 14/10/2018 16:07

To be honest if someone asked me to contribute to babies activities I wouldn't be expecting a bill of 75 for a 3 month old to attend swimming lessons, more like £10 here and there for coffees etc at baby groups.

If money is tight you need to both sit down and discuss what need prioritising. He didn't need the books, the baby doesn't need the swimming lessons and truthfully a tin of paint is approx. £15.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 14/10/2018 16:09

No I pay all the swimming, as he says again he can't afford it.
Yeah we do need a chat about finances. I'm having to go back to work early due to money needs

OP posts:
Antigon · 14/10/2018 16:09

HeadsDown

Presumbly OP told DP of the cost of the baby sensory class and he agreed. No reason to assume DP was expecting it to cost £10.

Antigon · 14/10/2018 16:11

OP, i suspect if you say you can't afford cost of DSC swim lessons then he'd magically find the money.

Use that money to pay for the baby sensory classes.

Play the bugger at his own game.

You need that chat about finances sharpish.