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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed with dp

138 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 14/10/2018 15:14

I'm on mat leave baby is three months. Dp went working away and spent 150 quid on some items (books) to do with his hobby. We are about to move house and he told me he might not be able to afford to paint the children's (my step children's ) rooms as he's short on funds and he also pulled a face about paying half for ds baby swimming lessons at 75 quid each. The DSC also need new winter clothes IE hoddies and jeans and trainers. I'm so pissed off, I never spend money on myself at the momment as it's going towards our house move and Christmas etc or baby.
I get that's it's his hobby but surely if money is short then the kids are the priority?

OP posts:
SusieQ5604 · 17/10/2018 08:07

Tbh, he sounds like a complete putz. I certainly hope he has some redeeming qualities you haven't told us about.

Gazelda · 17/10/2018 08:25

I really don't think your DP is treating you well. He's taking advantage of you.

I went to waterbabies with my DD. I struggled to bond with DD and this was such a lovely way to be close to her. It also made me get out of the house and talk with other mums ( which I rarely did the rest of the week). And it helped DD develop water confidence and an instinct to grab hold of the side of the pool and hold her breath under water. It was the best money I spent all Mat leave.

Moreisnnogedag · 17/10/2018 08:28

FGS people leave the swimming lessons alone! Good on you for including your step children in your considerations - it’s actually lovely to hear. You obviously prioritise their needs more so than their dad.

He’s being an arse. He doesn’t get an entire room all to himself to build lego in. He needs to stop being such a child, it must be seriously off putting for you.

DaisyLand · 17/10/2018 09:32

OP im doing Waterbabies as well (the link i've put before about reasons why we should teach babies so early is from a wb teacher)
We are doing submergions, teaching them to swim in their backs and holding on the side of the swimming pool, yes it might seem wasted money but so far my baby has gone from crying when submerging him to smiling every time we do it, now he holds on the side of the pool, and this is with around 15 classes. No way in hell i'd have done all this on my own with a 6w baby (yes i started with a 6w baby doing all this) he's now 6m and i feel that if i had to do it on my own we simply wouldnt be doing it. It's not about teaching them swimming, it's about teaching them how to recover from a danger zone. So good for you for wanting to spend that money on the baby rather than on other things.

and yes your dh is an arse, if hes got money for his stuff he should have money for the children as well,

Blondebakingmumma · 17/10/2018 10:35

How old are his kids? I’d suggest 2 of his kids sharing a room and he can use the extra bedroom as a hobby room

EllieBulb · 17/10/2018 10:54

Has anyone actually seen his incredible babies can be in water when they're taught properly? A baby only a handful of months old can be taught to flip on to their back and float so they don't drown. I would've had no idea how to teach a baby how to do that! We live around water and are paying similar amounts when our DC is born so they have this skill.

Anyway, not the point of the thread. I would be mad if DP couldn't afford things he said he'd pay for because he bought hobby items. Spend as much as you like on yourself, but only as long as priorities are met!

EllieBulb · 17/10/2018 10:54

*how

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 17/10/2018 12:35

2 kids are already sharing. Can't afford a five bedroom house! He has three and we have one together. Two single rooms are for baby and dsd, two dss are sharing

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 17/10/2018 12:36

Clicking send in error - sharing the biggest double n me n dp have other double

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 17/10/2018 12:44

He now wants that room for his stuff (Lego plus hobby and computer) as he needs it and he has no space in house for him

What the fuck? Where's your space in this house, all of which you're paying for? Oh right, you don't need one, the kids are sharing rooms, but he needs yet another space of his own as he's so special.

Really angry on your behalf now OP. Tell him if the already agreed space isn't enough he'd better buy his own house that he can have for himself and his older kids. Bloody ridiculous that a father of four sees himself as top priority like this. Selfish doesn't begin to cover it.

Thebluedog · 17/10/2018 12:44

Sound alike he’s taking advantage of you big time OP

He should be paying 50:50 for all household bills, food etc
Rent
50:50 for everything for your ds (inc clothes and swimming lessons)
He should pay 100% for his dc, your sdc

Antigon · 17/10/2018 12:47

When you say you can afford to buy a smaller house outright, do you mean you have savings to pay for the deposit or the house itself, or that you could afford the mortgage repayments.

I would advise you to keep savings to yourself and don't allow him access.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 17/10/2018 12:51

Antigon - outright from savings

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 17/10/2018 12:52

Whatever you do please don't put his name on the deeds!

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 17/10/2018 12:52

The savings are deposit for this one as much more expensive

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 17/10/2018 12:53

Across the pond - I haven't. He's signed to say so as well with Solicitor, I'm protected financially

OP posts:
Antigon · 17/10/2018 12:55

Oh you've bought this house. Is it in your name only?

Will he be entitled to a share?

Antigon · 17/10/2018 12:55

Cross post

Antigon · 17/10/2018 12:56

How much time do DC spend with you and DP?

Cornishclio · 17/10/2018 13:07

I would also suggest you exercise caution financially with this man. He is resenting paying out for family joint expenses but is happy to pay out for his hobbies and interests. He does not prioritise essential expenditure like clothes etc for children whether his from his previous relationship or your DS. He has financial difficulties presumably because he cannot distinguish between a want and a need.

You are paying for a bigger house than you need to accommodate your SC and depleting your savings and consequently cannot afford to pay out for swimming lessons and are having to go back to work earlier than wanted. Please see how wrong this is.

I get you don't want to be a single mum and I presume you have already exchanged contracts on this new house but I think you need new rules. He needs to pay a bigger portion of the bills to cover his childrens time in your house. Let him pay their expenses or his ex. Prioritise you and your DS and for goodness sake don't marry this man until he grows up a bit. A room for lego for goodness sake. What is he? 12??

Cornishclio · 17/10/2018 13:14

I would claim the smaller living room as a room for yourself. It is your house FGS!! The audacity of the man.

Cornishclio · 17/10/2018 13:15

As the SC are only there half the time can he not use one of their rooms to store his lego?

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 17/10/2018 13:17

We haven't exchanged yet...due to sellers house they are moving to being delayed. We have kids 50% of the time.
I do see how wrong it is, but it feels like explaining cold fusion to him as he doesn't understand that I am taking on extra for him. He views it that I get an asset namely the house that he has no rights to, he can't seem to see that everyday living costs are more (apart from.childcare for our child as we are sharing it between us until he's three).

OP posts:
Balaboosteh · 17/10/2018 13:19

Haven’t RTFT but baby swimming lessons IME were not worth the money.

Balaboosteh · 17/10/2018 13:20

Sorry - see that the thread has moved on. Apologies for being a dick.