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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to sit through IL's holiday photos?

203 replies

Hooli · 14/10/2018 09:18

PIL's have just returned from the holiday of a lifetime to Australia. They've saved for years and been to see family they haven't seen in over a decade so it's all very exciting for them. They've been gone for just over a month so we popped over last night to see them.

We stayed for tea but wanted to get back for kids bedtime. However, FIL had spent two days putting all their photos on a presentation which he wanted to show us. Boring as fuck right?

Not only that, but whilst away, MIL posted every single picture on Instagram AND sent 10+ pics a day to both me and DH on WhatsApp. Ten pictures a day for a month. Of Australian scenery.

Five minutes into the slideshow, I said we needed to go (kids were close to kicking off and knackered). A few hours later I got a message from MIL to say she was really upset, that they'd been looking forward to showing the kids the pictures and talking us through their trip that was so special to them.

WIBU? Should I have feigned interest?? I haven't replied yet... HmmConfused

OP posts:
NWQM · 14/10/2018 13:26

My In Laws do this. It is ridiculous after already sending the pictures. They aren't even good photos and it's not okay to be amused at how they only got pictures of the rhinos bum. At least though your father in law had a go at editing it. Mine doesn't even do that!

AuntBeastie · 14/10/2018 13:34

I think you could have sucked it up tbh, for the sake of being polite and kind. I can see why PIL were hurt.

BabyItsAWildWorld · 14/10/2018 13:35

You were rude and unkind.

Yes you'd seen the photos but they were excited to share them with you and talk about them. It's a different thing.

You could have said ' I think we'll only have 30 mins tonight to look at them' so you didn't have to commit to 2hrs, but instead you left after 5mins.

Rude and unkind.

crikeycrumbsblimey · 14/10/2018 13:47

Maybe you could have been kinder (dunno wasn’t there).
BUT
8pm and a two hour slide show with a four and a six year old? Really? They were being ridiculous.

llangennith · 14/10/2018 13:56

I'm with you all the way OP. It was self-indulgent of ILs to think anyone would want to sit through a long presentation of pictures of Australia or anywhere else really.
When I went to Oz I took lots of photos on my iPhone and when I got home I'd hand my DC and DGC my phone for them to look at the photos (if they wanted to) while I made food or did something else. They can ask about certain photos if they wish, or just flick through them. Everyone I know does this.

tillytrotter1 · 14/10/2018 14:41

I bet you bore people with your tedious photos of your children or the details of every second of their lives or the 'cute' things they do/say. Not a great fan of in-laws but you sound to be the DIL from hell.

charge282 · 14/10/2018 14:44

My parents have recently been on trips of a lifetime and do this a lot. I don’t have DC or siblings though so it’s only me who can look at them.

The reason they do it is because each photo sparks a memory they want to talk about. So it’s “Oh just after we took this we met the funniest waiter..” “This was after the giraffe stole dad’s hat...” etc. Which is sweet.

They have generously paid for many holidays for me and still do pay for accommodation when we go away together. It’s an hour out of my day to look at 200 largely similar photos of scenery but it makes them so happy to re-live it all with me, so I just go along with it.

SenecaFalls · 14/10/2018 14:48

But I'd already seen ALL the pictures.

But not with them.

I would have been hurt if my children had done that to us when we showed our slide show from our long saved up for trip abroad retirement present for DH.

CrumbsInBed · 14/10/2018 14:59

I agree you need to apologise to them and organise another time to look at them again, but with conditions:

No kids, you bring (loads of) wine, they provide (loads of) snacks, and make an afternoon of it. Purely for the photos. You might end up having a ball, their holiday tales might be more interesting after a few glasses 🍷🍷🍷🍷.

RomanyRoots · 14/10/2018 15:01

I can see both sides, there's only a certain amount of scenery you can look at.
But, it was special to them and sometimes you have to put yourself out, otherwise you become selfish.
You must have known beforehand what fil is like and known you'd be shown photo's, so hardly a surprise.
Why did you go at all rather than send dh and kids, it's not like you even tried.

cornflakegirl · 14/10/2018 15:05

I don't think you were rude - or at least, nowhere near as rude as them! Why not suggest that they create a 10 minute version for the kids?

puzzledlady · 14/10/2018 15:07

I get it - I have two kids 4 and 2 and I would have probably had to explain how just wont sit still. However - this is a once in a lifetime trip - they’re old and excitable. And they’ve discovered Facebook and Instagram - this is big. Being able to share this with you and the family is big. My father in law is like thIs - everyday tagging me into stuff - is not in the picture but I’ll be tagged as the tree! I would apologise and go back one early afternoon.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 14/10/2018 15:08

I feel sorry for you - they are not going to have any friends left if they insist on showing everyone their 2 hour slide show. Can you imagine being their neighbours?

CrumbsInBed · 14/10/2018 15:13

..though it does remind me somewhat of my PILS. A bit.

When dh and I first got serious, they always rang to sort out Sunday dinner for the nearest Sunday after they came back from their hols, just so they could show us their (boring) photos.

Dh and I couldnt afford hols then, and neither could DBIL, so it was thought, but never dared suggested, that they were somehow rubbing it in a bit. ( as if they would do that...🙄).

Anyway, as soon as we could afford our holidays, we waited until the Sunday dinner after their hols and brought our holiday photos with us. Lo and behold, they talked over us when our photos were out, so we did the same to them.

They soon got the message.

MulticolourMophead · 14/10/2018 15:14

OP, I don't think you were being that unreasonable.

You say you'd spent 3 hours there already, talking about their holiday with PIL, so for them to then decide to run the 2+ hour slideshow, at 8pm with small DCs around, was a bit selfish of them.

So yeah, rearrange to see the slideshow at a more reasonable time, make sure you have wine and snakcs, and some distractions for the DCs. I'd probably have my crochet with me if it were me, at least then I'd have a distraction for my hands (I fidget otherwise).

Itchytights · 14/10/2018 15:14

I haven't read through the entire thread but I think you were cruel and rude and you don't sound a particularly kind or nice person.

So what? It was pictures and they meant the world to them. You should have showed some manners and sucked it up.

We all have to do things we don't want to do sometimes but that's life.

I'm sure they'll come a time when you will want to demand their attention about something that means a lot to you. Be it your work, children or anything and you know what? I really hope that they give you the same kind of response that you gave to them.

SalemBlackCat4 · 14/10/2018 15:17

I feel you were not being rude. Your ils were being rude.

Simply reply back via text that you had 'seen all the photos before as you have sent them all to us, so we have our own copy of all of it, too'.

DeadGood · 14/10/2018 15:17

“You had already seen the pictures but there is a pleasure people get in being there when you see them - watching you as you watch them - which they obviously wanted.”

Yes, clearly they wanted to get their kicks at the OP’s expense. But why is that desire indulged? It’s so creepy.

SalemBlackCat4 · 14/10/2018 15:19

Make sure they know that they have given you your own copy of the photos.

Loonoon · 14/10/2018 15:29

Invite them over to yours to show off the pics/video so the DC can go off and play if they want to.

Original poster
Hooli · 14/10/2018 15:35

All the posters saying I was being selfish and that they wanted to share it with me, they already had! Four weeks of 10+ photos a day that I replied to. Then three hours over dinner listening to their stories. The slideshow of pictures i had already seen for the past four weeks was too much. I had engaged with them every day regards their holiday.

And of course I send them pictures, just as they do to me. And I always reply with something nice, or like them if IG. I'm not completely self absorbed, nor am I spinning a tale for sympathy. And saying "look, we're gonna have to get the kids home, they're knackered" makes me the DIL from hell.

But I will apologise and I will arrange for us to go round. Maybe a fresh outlook and earlier in the day will help us all.

OP posts:
cordeliavorkosigan · 14/10/2018 15:39

I think yanbu. They should be self aware enough to know that when you have sent out many pics on two social media platforms and had responses, people have already seen the photos.
They should remember from their own parenting that a 4yo will not do well in a 2 hour slide show or show of any kind that doesn’t involve pantomime or a cinema, and at 8pm no show of any kind .
Want to do a big slide show? Don’t update on social media. They showed poor judgement and poor understanding of how you’re likely to experience this whole thing.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 14/10/2018 15:43

OP said way upthread that she was going to apologise and arrange another showing, so I don’t know why people are still piling in.

Rudgie47 · 14/10/2018 16:18

Far too much for anybody.
If OP had already seen all the photos then she didn't need to see a bloody sideshow.
I'd just say I'd seen them and I didn't want to sit through all that again. They don't sound very self aware. No one is that interested in anyone elses holiday.

SalemBlackCat4 · 14/10/2018 16:22

If you've seen them all, listened to their stories, engaged them every day about it, why organise to go around again? Just do like I posted, and tell them you've got a copy of all their photos and hence have seen them.

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