To feel really bloody cheated that ds has to be home educated?

[witchesbroth]

Ds8 has HFA, sensory issues, anxiety - all of which results in exploding behaviour and exclusions from school. His self esteem and confidence is very low, he has no friends and has been made to be away from the class with a TA for so long now. We've been fighting the system for over a year for all the relevant assessments, help, EHCP but it's all come too little too late. The school placement has broken down and he's at home with no school to go to. He's under the LEA still but apart from another mainstream support (rinse and repeat) or a school for mod-severe LD (he's profoundly academically gifted).

He wants to be at school - he can't. There's none for him
He wants friends - he's got none
He wants to be part of shared experiences at school - residential, projects, discos, trips - he can't
He wanted to go to the grammar school for secondary -no idea....they don't like EHCPs apparently

Instead he's at home. Alone. Learning off websites and feeling shit about himself.

What I'm most annoyed about is how the system has let him down. If the help, support and funding went in when he first went into crisis, we wouldn't be in this mess but he was left to get worse and worse.

Can you look into special schools op? Or a mainstream school with a specialist unit for children with learning/behaviour issues attached.

Oh witches I'm so sad for you and your boy. We are heading towards that with my very very similar 8 yr old - he's also G&T but with sensory issues and suspected HFA and ADHD and I think is on the verge of being excluded. He just can't cope in a classroom at all.

I don't have any advice just huge amounts of sympathy and solidarity. There just isn't any provision for children like ours it seems, and it makes me rage on a daily basis.

Poptart - there is no other provision. No Sen units at all in vaguely commutable distance and no special schools that are for his needs.

He needs a special school type building with Sen trained teachers, smaller classes, less sensory overload and less transitions with a very fast paced highly extended mainstream curriculum with an appropriate peer group of similar children. Just doesn't exist.

Where are you OP? There's lots of home ed resources/groups around. I know several home educators (one in a similar situation to your DS) and they have a very active social life with many friends etc. I know its not perfect, but maybe something to explore, even if short term.

Hope things get better soon.

Putitawaydear - solidarity right back at you! I have the rage, then tears at the injustice every single day.

And every day someone moans about something insignificant about school I want to scream in their face that they are so bloody lucky their child can even go to a school that meets their needs.

She - there's plenty of home ed stuff round here to get involved in (probably due to lack of Sen provision) so it'll be fine. It's crap that we have to and it costs money we don't have to drive around to neighbouring towns and pay for entry for everything (dh has had to give up his career to look after ds so we also have money worries, will never go on holiday again and may have to sell the house soon - just because ds can't go to a school for his needs)

All of this gives me the rage.

Does he have a SEN statement? Could he be entitled to free transport to and from a specialist school? Unless you live very remotely there must be somewhere within an 30-60 minute commute?
What do the authorities suggest?
Sorry, I don’t mean to sound like I’m challenging you, I’m not, I suppose I’m just shocked that there is literally no provision for him at all.

There literally is nowhere.

He either goes to a special school and sacrifices the learning and won't fulfil his potential and he will be bored and miserable to not be learning a mainstream curriculum and to be with peers who don't have the same level of intellect or he stays in mainstream and lives in the corridor never being included in case he kicks off in an anxious panic which leaves him depressed and suicidal at the isolation.

There aren't special schools for gifted kids. It's completely crap.

More house school.. amazing school

This may be extreme and outside of financial realities, but are you able to move to somewhere that would have a school to meet his needs? I can’t imagine staring down years of this situation, it sounds so heartbreaking and frustrating for the both of you.

Snap witches I am home schooling ds he should have gone into yr 7 in September but when we went round the schools one told us no outright another said they were unable to provide the support he would need and the third though it looked promising it's too far and we couldn't get transport.

So he's at home getting more isolated he refuses now to join in with any of the home ed groups as he is anxious with new people. I just hope I am doing ok with his education. I have heard nothing from education welfare no one has been in touch to see how we are doing it's like he has dropped off the radar.

It's bloody scary whereabouts are you

In frensham

Op I'm where you are now with my asd twins bloody infuriating!

Have you seen a solicitor who specialises in this field.Everyone I know who has been in a similar situation has had to send their DC to a private special needs school and then sue the LEA for the fees.

We have talked about moving to a new area but it's so drastic and we'd have to leave out family and my career too.

I would fight to have a private specialist school named on his EHCP but I have scoured every single one in my county and none fit the bill. There's not many to choose from though in the first place.

I think people don't realise that this is really common with super bright ASD kids. There's nowhere for them to go.

We're Devon btw. Lovely county, shit education.

So sorry to hear this.

I have an 11 year old DS who is suspected Aspergers and in year 4 he needed a full-time TA. We were very lucky to have a supportive mainstream who funded it by themselves so no EHCP. He's also very bright, voted the cleverest child in his class in y6 by the kids. He actually got better in y5 and y6 and didn't need a TA but starting secondary in a new area (old area schools didn't look good) is proving very difficult. The specialist provision isn't suitable.

Can he go to another mainstream - I know it may seem like rinse and repeat but some are much better than others. Look round all the options and talk to the sencos. Call the LEA SEND team, call the inclusions team if you haven't already. Or go to tribunal for a private SEN school. It's really difficult and very frustrating. All I can advise it try everything anyone can think of, see what works, see what doesn't, complain, phone anyone and everyone who can help, do work with him yourself and see what issues are, talk to him when he's calm, come on places like here for advice and hopefully at some point you will get a breakthrough. Mine suddenly became OK in year 5 and 6 after a nightmare year 3 and 4 - full-time TA, chairs being thrown, running out of school, teacher refusing to teach him, constant hiding. They had to make adaptions in y5 and 6 - he could leave classroom whenever and stay in corridor, he was allowed to go under his desk but otherwise he calmed down and was a different child. I also do all the communicating for him with school as he doesn't communicate with teachers.

We are struggling a lot this year again - 2 x school refusal and 5 x sent home in y7, new school initially said they could do nothing but phoned anyone and everyone and he's got 1-2-1 temporarily and applying for EHCP. Good luck, its exhausting. For friends I used to take him to David Lloyds and that helped him then he started making friends at school - its pricey so need to use it a lot.

How about a residential placement?

It's becoming a huge problem that's only going to get bigger. Schools are already on the bare bones if their arsed with all the cuts. They don't have enough funding to deal with children like ours.

We're heading that way with dd but we can't get an EHCP. She sounds identical but she implodes rather than explodes. No provision for HFA girls who want to go to university. Not that we could access it without an EHCP.

I feel your pain .

We've had years of this with DS2 (now 16). I thought I'd found the right environment for him finally but a month in, it looks like they're giving up on him again and I expect to be told at the emergency EHCP meeting arranged for next week that they can't meet his needs. He's had a home tutor since the beginning of the year but was so isolated (mainly due to his refusal to leave the house due to anxiety) . It was horrendous. This was after a move from MS to a SS which was a big mistake.

Similarly to your DS, mine can't cope in MS but is too able for SS. There's no violence or aggression but he is built like a wrestler so I've been told staff find him intimidating and don't want to challenge him when he literally walks out of the classroom because he doesn't want to do as he's told which I can understand.

I'm ready to give up now.

It sounds as if you need somewhere like Breckenbrough? its in north yorks though so not exactly handy. I think it does boarding.

"Sue the LEA for the fees" Lol

Some schools are better than others, and take SEN far more seriously and put provision in place to help the child be part of the education system

It may be that he attends core subjects but has space when they have PE for example (competiveness tends to be a trigger)
What interventions have they suggested / tried/ etc ? Bet none

I’m angry for you @witches it’s a fundamental right, the right to an education and you and others are being totally let down. Your son is being discriminated against.

So sorry you are in this position. Obviously you will fight! However the provision is scarce but there has to somewhere. This can’t go on.

An option is to send him to specialist provision part time and make up for other needs at home?

I can see this happening to my DS. At the moment he’s in a special school half days, and I basically teach him in the afternoon all the stuff I feel that they’ve missed out (a lot, even in specialist setting) It’s infuriating but I’ve either energy to fight or do it myself.

This is a too common and worrrying problem.

@OP talk to the local college in advance for when he's a bit older. Seriously. They may be able to offer him a better level of education (if you jump through some educational attainment hoops first) and in a structured environment. He may even be more comfortable and controlled in an adult learning environment when he's a young teen/seniors age?

Worth a shot if you haven't thought that far ahead yet.