To feel really bloody cheated that ds has to be home educated?

[witchesbroth]

Ds8 has HFA, sensory issues, anxiety - all of which results in exploding behaviour and exclusions from school. His self esteem and confidence is very low, he has no friends and has been made to be away from the class with a TA for so long now. We've been fighting the system for over a year for all the relevant assessments, help, EHCP but it's all come too little too late. The school placement has broken down and he's at home with no school to go to. He's under the LEA still but apart from another mainstream support (rinse and repeat) or a school for mod-severe LD (he's profoundly academically gifted).

He wants to be at school - he can't. There's none for him
He wants friends - he's got none
He wants to be part of shared experiences at school - residential, projects, discos, trips - he can't
He wanted to go to the grammar school for secondary -no idea....they don't like EHCPs apparently

Instead he's at home. Alone. Learning off websites and feeling shit about himself.

What I'm most annoyed about is how the system has let him down. If the help, support and funding went in when he first went into crisis, we wouldn't be in this mess but he was left to get worse and worse.

It's outrageous that it is such a postcode lottery.

We are lucky in Derbyshire that we have enhanced resource schools - my son has just started in reception at one. His is a small unit with 2 students per year group attached to a mainstream school so they can tailor how much time each child spends in mainstream and how much in the unit which is a quiet separate space.

My sister works in schools in nearby Lincolnshire and the provision is comparatively poor.

We looked at 10 different schools for him from special schools through to our local mainstream and the support for HF children is definitely poor in general.

There are Schools out there but they are few and far between and most are residential but some with day provision but they might not be in areas with suitable provision for your job/ career.

For example the North West has many such Schools. I went to one on the Wirral called West Kirby Residential. They had many different streams for pupils ranging from gifted and talented to servre learning difficulties classes were capped at 12 people with at least 1 TA per class. I was a day pupil and had to travel 1 and half hours each way each day to go to it.

Thank you again for all the messages. I can see that some people, really get where I'm coming from.

If someone came on here and said they were considering sending their young child to a school that 'probably wasn't suitable', with no peer group and they had to go in a taxi 1-1.5 hrs each way a day people would be on here going WTAF? Send them to your local school. Look around the 5 you probably have in a 5-10 mile radius and pick the right one.

But because ds has Sen he's supposed to be grateful that there is this as an option? And we should just do it because it's better than nothing. It's abhorrent and no parent would agree to it for their child Sen or not.

We're told ds is capable of doing his maths GCSE before hitting secondary (he won't as it's not appropriate). The MS school said they found it hard to keep up with him so it's asking a lot for a SS too. Even if there was one suitable with spaces. Which there isn't.

He's not EHE and still under LeA so ETOAS might be the way forward. Will look at inter high - ta!

Ha, oldbirdy Surrey was where I worked. Yes, they were intransigent. I managed to get one boy into a specialist ASD school, from our mainstream with a unit school, but it took a year and was stressful for everyone involved. That was secondary though.

Hillingdon Manor school is a specialist ASD school, founded by Anna Kennedy, mother who had no suitable provision for her children. It has primary and secondary. May be worth a google.

It is completely unfair to have to move etc to get an education for your son, I know we've done it, and I rage against it. We had to move DS2 to a new school too. However the difference it has made to DS1 and therefore our whole family has been phenomenal.

Surrey LA is rubbish, but it does have a number of private specialist provisions and parents who can and will fight to get it.

Are there no mainstream schools that the LA could recommend? Some are better than others.

Another one in the same boat here. DD (9) has been through three primary schools. All we knew is she had school anxiety that was growing and growing... and no school seemed to make a difference.

Now she’s able to articulate what’s going on it turns out her anxiety is massively exacerbated by sensory issues related to the school environment.

She refused to go back this term and I won’t physically force her. Her mental health has deteriorated massively so we are unelectively home educating around work and having another (severely disabled) child.

School have asked us to deregister. They won’t accept her absences as authorised despite a GP letter saying she’s not attending due to anxiety. CAMHS have discharged her without even seeing her, having referred her on to a private company for CBT.

We are doing our very best to piece it all together for DD but my god do we feel she’s been left out at sea. If she wasn’t an academic overachiever I expect the system response might have been very different.

My friends son sounds very similar to yours in terms of his asd and also being academically gifted, they also live in devon. I will find out the school name.

So many families in the same position, as can be seen from the comments on this thread. Unfortunately, lack of support for children with additional needs is the norm now, and that's not likely to change any time soon.

I don’t have direct experience OP and I am sorry that you are going through this. I am in Somerset and the local SEN provision (at the Fosse Way and Mendip schools) is apparently very good. I met a women recently whose eldest (who she described as academically high functioning but struggling badly socially) is being supported to do his GCSEs and is very happy. This is after several failed mainstream attempts. The schools - as I understand it - have tie in arrangements with other colleges (I may live near PanannyPanoo).

Although it would mean a move for you, could Somerset be a possibility? I don’t know how transferable your jobs are, but you could live near either Fosse Way or Mendip and still be able to comfortably commute to Bristol for work. I realise that is a huge thing to consider, but it sounds as though your current situation is incredibly stressful.

Hi witchesbroth. Your son sounds very much like my boy. Academically stellar - reading age of a teen (he’s 6), tests as 98th centile in intelligence tests.
We have been exceptionally lucky. Just by chance he’s ended up at a primary that’s been exceptional at supporting him. For reception he was barely in the classroom. The head and deputy used to have him in with them until they knew enough about him to develop a meaningful plan. They said on numerous occasions that in other schools he would likely have been excluded, but that’s not how they do things there.
Now he has ft 1-1 support, tailored curriculum, interventions, fizzy, OT support, sensory circuits, etc. We have an EHCP too. Specialist schools in our area are not appropriate for his ability level (though would probably support his emotional and social needs better).
He’s doing unbelievably well compared to where he was a couple of years ago. He loves school. His behaviour is so much better. He has a small group of friends.
Not all mainstreams will be the same. It might be worth exploring a more supportive mainstream school with a better set up for him? Maybe slightly out of area (transport covered by personal budget.) Is there a local Facebook support group you could ask for advice on schools from other parents? Or talk to professionals about other suitable mainstream schools.

In the meantime, definitely pursue the budget allocated. I know a few local home edders who have successfully and it makes a massive difference

@witchesbroth we're Devon in the same situation. HFA, bright, anxiety, desperately lonely & unhappy etc, no EHCP yet (meeting loads of resistance), no special school places, mainstream looking unlikely.
It is shit.

It always amazes me on similar threads how many of us are in the same position.

it is really difficult to find a list of school that cater's for this profile of child but there are a few out there. Do not dismiss schools that are nominally for ESB (or BESD) as these will have children with a similar profile to you ds and may be as good (our experience actually better) than a school solely for children with an ASC.

It is not much use to the OP but for posters in the West Midlands area the following schools might be able to meet needs:

Alderwasley School (Boys and Girls) - near Derby
High Grove School (Boys and Girls) - near Derby
Cruckton Hall School - near Shrewsbury
New Elizabethan School (Boys and Girls) - near Kidderminster
The Island Project - near Coventry I think
Longdon Hall School - near Rugeley

List might be out of date as we were looking a few years ago.

reading with interest and no OP, YADNBU.

Looking for suitable provision for our son at the moment - its very tough

we are in west sussex

This makes me very sad, but sadly not an unusual story. In some areas there are some amazing provisions for hfa but they are very oversubscribed. To further isolate a child with autism is ludicrous. I hope you manage to find something that works. Don't rule out residential, it has an amazing impact.

Actually the term 'high functioning autism' makes me uncomfortable because in many cases all it means is that the person is more aware of their difficulties and more able to mask. The problems can be more severe because the NT expectations placed on them. HFA is open to misinterpretation and that often means an assumption of 'mild' autism, needing less support and less credence. It's not even a term that's recognised medically. That said, there is definitely a group of children who are (potentially) academically high achievers but who struggle in mainstream settings but aren't 'autistic enough' for specialist provision. These tend to be labelled as HFA but in practice their problems are just as severe as those with more obvious types of autism and they really don't function 'highly' at all. These are the children who are left without adequate support and that's where the biggest gap in provision lies, as so many here have found to their cost.

Why do people keep suggesting the child goes to a school for kids with learning difficulties when he doesnt have learning difficulties That is absolutely not the way forward.

My friends son actually did go to a SS despute being highly intelligent. The impact on his mental health was ridiculous because the school just werent equipped to deal with him. Added to the fact he had no peer group.

He ended up having a major breakdown in his teens and after years of appeals and thousands of pounds in legal fees he got a move when he himself wrote to the LEA demanding his right to an education.

Even my ds who does have some SN has thrived in his new school. Class sizes are between 3 and 5. He's actually being educated now. Instead of just being hemmed into a class with kids that arent anything like he is. Most importantly he has friends and his self esteem has rose massively.

I just thought HFA meant they didn’t have learning difficulties? Eg my son despite not being gifted is above average intelligence, has no learning difficulties, very able at most things, it’s the school environment he can’t cope with, is high functioning.

Queen what you say fits dd. Diagnosed as high functioning but her school are saying she's possibly the most autistic child they've had in school. She's academically very able and we are struggling to make any progress with an EHCP.

My son is quite popular which makes talking about things like changing schools very difficult. One of his masking strategies is to play the class clown and kids love him.

Hi OP. I’m in Devon too. DD with ASD and SPD. She masks well and is sociable but gets overwhelmed and explodes. We are told this is unusual in school for girls. Most wait until they get home.

She has just started year 6 in a behavioural school we’re there are only two girls in her year. She is desperate to go to mainstream seconds but we don’t know if she will cope.

She is above average academically and very good at literacy rather than maths. Even the special school staff don’t understand her.

I know people are astounded that there is no suitable provision for our kids. Helpful comments like just get them ‘statemented’ or in a special a school. People not in our situation have no idea.

Have you looked into if there are any schools run by the Autism Association that are within travelling distance to you? My nephew has high functioning Autism, ADHD & other problems, it took until he was 7 to get an EHCP, he was in a mainstream primary school that hadn't got the facilities to help him, he moved to another primary school with a unit & stayed there until he was 11, his parents have had to fight through appeal to get funding for him to go to the school run by the Autism Association, despite there not being a suitable school in the City for him, they finally won their appeal in August, he started at the new school in September & absolutely loves it, he is a very bright boy & his new school will allow him to study mainstream subjects he is capable of doing to the highest level he can manage whilst doing practical subjects as well to help him gain independence for later in life, the school takes children up to 19. He settled straight away, gets taken both ways by minibus & for the first time is being taught by staff who totally understand him & can support him to be the best he can be.

Sometimes 'Aspergers' and 'HFA' are used interchangeably. Aspergers used to be defined as autism with out delayed speech and learning difficulties, but it's not a term that's generally used nowadays - most just get 'autism spectrum disorder/condition' instead as that covers all types.

I definitely think it's often harder for those at the more able points of the spectrum because they're more aware of their difficulties and are constantly pushed to overcome them. They're just as autistic as anyone else, their sensory problems might be more challenging and social difficulties too, but they tend to be disregarded because of assumptions that HFA means 'mild'.