To feel really bloody cheated that ds has to be home educated?

[witchesbroth]

Ds8 has HFA, sensory issues, anxiety - all of which results in exploding behaviour and exclusions from school. His self esteem and confidence is very low, he has no friends and has been made to be away from the class with a TA for so long now. We've been fighting the system for over a year for all the relevant assessments, help, EHCP but it's all come too little too late. The school placement has broken down and he's at home with no school to go to. He's under the LEA still but apart from another mainstream support (rinse and repeat) or a school for mod-severe LD (he's profoundly academically gifted).

He wants to be at school - he can't. There's none for him
He wants friends - he's got none
He wants to be part of shared experiences at school - residential, projects, discos, trips - he can't
He wanted to go to the grammar school for secondary -no idea....they don't like EHCPs apparently

Instead he's at home. Alone. Learning off websites and feeling shit about himself.

What I'm most annoyed about is how the system has let him down. If the help, support and funding went in when he first went into crisis, we wouldn't be in this mess but he was left to get worse and worse.

Everyone I know who has been in a similar situation has had to send their DC to a private special needs school and then sue the LEA for the fees.

I think that's unlikely, to be honest, not least because a straightforward civil courts claim would stand no chance of success. Do you mean that they've appealed to the Special Educational Needs and Disability Tribunal in order to have the school named in an EHCP which will meant the the LA funds future fees? That's a rather different matter.

Thanks all. I'm sad there are so many others in similar boats.

I'm so tired of it all. I'd never put him in a residential placement, that would finish him off. Me and dh are the only people he trusts and feels safe with and has secure attachments to.

Time to sleep and fight another day.

This is appalling. I was a community governor for a SN school - which I realise isn’t what your DS needs. What it did do was open my eyes to the unbelievable lack of funding for children with addiction needs in this country. It is a national disgrace.
I don’t have any advice but .

Additional obvs. Bloody predictive text.

It's the lack of understanding (or bothering to try to understand) the kids which gets me. Case in point - DS was doing work experience in on Friday. He refused to do as he was asked and asked if he could do something else instead as what he'd been asked to do meant it was necessary to put on a hairnet. He couldn't convey why he had an issue with the hairnet (sensory) so I was called and told he was being sent home immediately for refusing to follow instructions. This was in a 'supported' learning unit! I'm still incredulous.

I'm so sorry OP..... You sounds as though you've not had the EHCP long - did you know that if he passes his 11 plus and you put the grammar school in his EHCP the grammar school has to take him? 'Not liking EHCP students' is blatant discrimination!! However if they don't have a good SEN unit and won't support him in the ways you'd like that may not be the best option for him - you should be able to discuss this with your LEA SEN lead worker? But meanwhile I can't believe they can't find a single school to take him now, that's heartbreaking! I know funding is tight but that's terrible.

If you haven't already - do see if there's a local NAS support group available - ours is invaluable and some of the Mums there have fought cases in court and all sorts and they really know how to make the system work for you. Good luck!!

I’m going to echo another poster up thread by saying maybe think about a different mainstream school. They are not all equal and it can very much depend on the ethos of the school, leadership and importance they put on their SEN provision.
The school I work in has had some extremely challenging behaviour from SEN children over the years. We have amazing TA’s who support and nurture them, encouraging and supporting class participation. They want the child in class, not out in the corridor. Special workstations have been set up in class to support children’s SEN - the child is 100% catered for as an individual.
The whole school ethos is inclusive and supportive. The other children are amazingly tolerant of even the most extreme behaviour. I’ve witnessed classes not bat an eyelid at major meltdowns, bad language, even when a TA had to physically restrain a child on more than one occasion.
I’m so sorry you and your son are going through such a tough time op

Are you claiming dla/carers allowance to help with extra costs op?

I am so sorry for your situation OP - it is really stressful. I am not in the UK but had similar issues educating DD1 at 9 who has HFA/ADHD and anxiety. She couldn't cope in a mainstream placement but there seemed to be nothing else for an academically able child. I looked at state schools, free schools - I even looked at a Waldorf Steiner free school - but nothing met her needs.

I was also offered a placement at a SEN school for LD - however they promised me that they would be able to offer an individualised curriculum that would meet her needs. So at 9 she was placed in a class for 13-17 year olds. It was totally a turning point - they built her academic skills but also did a lot of work on social skills and life skills that helped her a lot. By 13 she started to outgrow the school academically and they helped her transition back to mainstream.

A boy I know who has similar issues goes here
www.breckenbrough.org.uk
I understand that financial help is available.

Bless his heart and poor you. Can you find other parents who have children with similar needs who are willing to home school with you. That would give each of you a break.

I feel for you OP. My youngest has ASD and not coping in class and his school are fucking shit to be frank. We are “lucky” that in 2 years he’ll be in high school and they have a specialist base for ASD but it’s a slog in the meantime and I don’t know what to do. It’s awful how kids are being failed.

Can you get the LEA to fund a tutor?

Sounds like you need to start a special school for gifted kids to me!!!

so Southern Peninsular Services (Yelverton) no good for you? (4 places available?)

www.priorychildrensservices.co.uk/about/fees-and-funding/

Banya

Beat me to it op, it might be time to get together some of the other parents, and set up your own little unit, with council funding. It's a long shot but might be worth looking in to

Best of luck to you

I agree that you shouldn't be in this position atall.
However - is there not a home-ed community where you live? My boy has similar difficulties to you aswell as being gifted but we chose to home-ed. He doesn't spend much time at home, has plenty of friends and had lots of shared experiences.

Witches broth we went through exactly what you are going through, my Ds 11 went through hell, the system failed him for a long time. Do you have an Iask near you? They are amazing and deal specifically with SEN problems. They have people there that know all the legal stuff and can go to meetings with you.
Keep fighting it took us a year to get help EHCP and now he's in a specialist school. Good luck x

Op, my son goes to school out of county. Over 40 miles away. All of this is funded by the lea. Including transport etc.

My son got into his school when he was badly hurt during a restraint. So I got what I wanted quite easily. But a lot of people I know went down the legal route with a special solicitor. It really is very doable.

Not much to offer but have you looked at Steiner schools or similar 'alternative' schools. King Alfred in NWLondon is an excellent model of the type of thing I mean.. Also SEN Boarding? All usually private but most have bursaries available for the right fit.
What an awful situation, I shan't moan about my petty school worries any more - at least not without a thought for you. I hope you find a way.

How about online schooling? My ds is 14 and goes to interhigh. He had to leave school due to bullying as he has aspergers.

There are online primary schools. They follow the national curriculum. I know it's no substitute for the social side, but you might find that in your local community. At least online schooling gives them an education.

I have an ASD son - he currently attends a Communication & Interaction Unit. It's basically a mini special school but attached to a mainstream school so he can dip over into parts/some mainstream lessons as he's able to with the support of a TA.

The sad truth is that there are a huge group of children being failed. If your child can't cope with mainstream but is relatively bright - even in just a few areas - the local authority probably won't approve your child for special school. So where do you send them? There's nowhere, literally nowhere, that is designed for academically able children who can't manage mainstream due to a disability such as autism.

Lovely people here saying different mainstreams are very different, and some are better than others are absolutely right. Some embrace the concept while others just aren't interested. However - even in the most willing and engaged school, there are many, many challenges which are just too much for many ASD kids. Ultimately, even with a 1:1 worker, you are putting your child into a classroom with 29 other pupils. With the best will in the world, there's only so much a teacher can do to accommodate your child's very different needs compared to the rest of the class. Many ASD children learn differently for example - need information presented in a different way. There's sensory issues too.

Some ASD children cope - but the thing is, our children deserve more than just getting by. They deserve to flourish, to bloom, to thrive - just like any other child in education. Talk to autistic adults - many will tell you how horrific school was for them, even those who had support. It's not as simple as finding a sympathetic school as for some ASD kids, this still doesn't overcome the myriad of problems they face each and every day. We are sorely lacking a school system that sits in the middle - the unit my son goes to, there used to be secondary school versions but they were scrapped. I don't know why, it's an amazing system. He is gradually integrating more and more in mainstream but he'll probably never manage a full day, let alone day after day after day in a mainstream. I don't know where I'm supposed to send my son when he reaches secondary level. I'm considering either home schooling or there's an amazing private school locally with classes of just 10. Maybe 3 days a week there? He has a full EHCP so maybe some help with funding but I just don't know.

I never would have believed just how absolutely shit the system is for SEN kids if I hadn't seen it for myself. It's shockingly bad - and if you look at the level of self harm in autistic teenagers, it's not difficult to draw a conclusion as to a contributing factor.

I am home educating my daughter (mental health issues) and she’s year 10.

If you are on Facebook join loca home schooling groups. There are constant meet ups and they do loads of activities so he won’t be isolated.

EHCPs are like gold dust but don’t give up trying.