To be disappointed about my DD’s future

[PookieDo]

My DD is in yr11 and until this year had not shown any interest in learning/the future. I have been trying everything to get her to focus and this year it really hit her that she had to try harder. But it’s too late. She’s not unintelligent FYI.

Her forecast GCSE grades are pretty rubbish. She’s going to scrape a 5 in English if she’s lucky. Everything else a 3 or 4.

I now don’t know what to do or how to help her. I think going on an apprenticeship isn’t always the answer. She can’t get into the 6th form with grades like this. But she has her heart now set on doing a particular BTech and a particular A Level. I don’t want to have to be the one to tell her she can’t do these (if this is the case) as she has no other plan.

I don’t even really know what the options are for her yet, not sure whether to encourage her into an apprenticeship, college, do retakes.

AIBU I’m disappointed FOR her and IN her that it will come to this and feels like it will be a hard few years ahead for her. I don’t want her in minimum wage jobs - she is demoralised enough as it is. On the other hand a lot of this is all her own fault.

The difference between a 3 and a 5 is immense. Get her all the help you can.

My youngest son was very similar. He managed to get decent grades in both English exams, failed his maths and got mediocre results in everything else.
He had no idea of what he wanted to do but was good at building computers. His grades were not good enough to go straight on the level 3 extended course but he got a place on the one year level 2. Worked hard and got a distinction and a place on the level 3.
Whilst doing the level 3 he managed to resist and pass his math and with that and the level 3 he had enough points to go to university.
He chose instead to get an apprenticeship in ict. Very poor pay and fares of £8 per day to get there but it got him that magic word of experience on his cv. He has just left the apprenticeship and starting a new job. Decent money (Over £20k with regular increments), a decent career path which whether he decides to stay there long term or move on. So not to bad for a 20 year old.
Oh and when he interviewed for the new job a fair few of the other candidates had just finished degrees but they lacked the experience my lad has of the apprenticeship in the same field.

Obviously I don't know where you live but my hometown is the type of place where apprentiships fall into the hairdressering/child care type stuff but a few months ago there was a ad in the local paper for an apprentiship for a fingerprint analysis expert at Thames Valley Police. I was like How Fricking Cool. There are random things like that out there but it isn't the type of stuff schools promote. Tell her to just concentrate on those GCSEs. Re take at local college a year later if needed and find an interest out of sch that is nothing to do with school and getting a grade out of. She can have 3 years of education after the GCSEs so she has time to take a breath and just focus on the now.

a PP commented on apprenticeships being very gendered, does anyone have a girl doing an apprenticeship? They seem more tailored towards car mechanics and manual labour jobs. Is gov website the best place to look for one? Also unsure what rules and guidelines there are so need to look into all of that too. I would want to feel assured she is protected and actually receives the education she is meant to.

I’m not stuck on uni, that is one of many options in life, she’s decided she now wants to stay in education 6th form and I agree it would be good for her to do so right now but she’s more limited due to grades

Thanks for all advice I think it’s helped to see lots of other options

as she gets older and seems interested in mental health/psychology now

There's a lot of work in this area. She could do a health and social care BTEC (level 3), which incorporates mental health.

She'll not be out if a job if she follows this path.

She can progress to being a supervisor/team leader with experience and then management if this is what she wants.

I offer agricultural apprenticeships and would LOVE female applicants. It's the beginning of a potentially a good career.

@pookiedo colleges are not best place to look for apprenticeship these days. Many companies recruit directly through job websites such an indeed.com just put in your location and search "apprentice" there are loads around here, from sales, admin, accountancy to heating services and engineering.

Although the Finger Print job probably isn't as exciting as CSI and NCIS make it. But it makes the "what do you do?" question a bit more interesting!

@DastardlyDoris

Stop posting on my thread then? I wish I could block you but I can’t work how to do in on safari

I think I’ve heard a few negative stories about apprenticeships - kids ending up working crazy hours for £3.56 an hour, being let go at the end, not getting their work signed off by anyone properly etc

university is not the only route to good jobs
at least if she does an apprenticeship she wont have over £27 grand of debt after 3 years (with interest on top)

To add what others have said BTEC is a valid route into many universities so would not cap her future. College may be a fresh start for her. Trust me they are on top of attendance just as much as schools are so she would have to attend every lesson.

I think that at 16 failure isn't really an issue. There us no reason why she can't sit A level by herself and get into university or start a highly successful business or whatever. She jist has to really want it. Failing gcses really isn't a big deal but what is her general attitude like. If she is the kind of oersi that gives up and rolls over at the first sign if adversity then the gcses are just a small part of a much larger problem.

Is there any fe college near you? There are loads of other options than doing a levels and going to uni.

And most fe colleges you can resist maths and/or English alongside a btec.

Maybe I’d she spoke to acareers advisor they could help her to think about options.

If you have money you could move her to a private tutorial college who would submit her to the higher level gcses. Or she could do this by correspondence course (see Wolsey Hall Oxford). You could if needed home educate her for that period.
This would depend on her having sufficient motivation and on you having money.
Better - pay for private tutoring, and get the school to shift her onto the higher level gcses.
If none of these, then re-take next year, at higher level.
If she's interested in young children, then could you pay for her to train to become a nanny? They are reasonably well paid.

Can she do a college course with a foundation year, which allows her to progress to the higher part of the course after passing that year?

People think apprenticeships are just for people who didn't do well in school. They have such a bad rep. Most companies value their apprentices and they have the same employee rights as every other member of staff. It's made clear from the start you're not guaranteed a job at the end of it but you're not guaranteed a job at the end of uni either

PookieDo Apprenticeships are available in loads of areas. I have two at work a female graphic design apprentice and a male marketing assistant apprentice. You can do apprenticeships in health and social care, pharanacy assistants, dental nurses, mechanics, engineering, computing, police, nursing, construction, hair, beauty .... the list is huge and they are available at levels from gcse to post grad.

She’s not going to do anything that would lead to a career that involves touching people or worse - blood 😂 so rules out some career pathways typically undertaken by girls.

I know they can’t guarrantee the job at the end so some apprenticeships end up with a lot of competition for placements and jobs, are there protections for young people? Not having to work stupid hours and making sure their work is signed off properly? I know where I work we had an apprentice once (nursing) and she ended up with 7 unsigned modules and it all was a bit of a mess

I will meet with School and get some careers advice. Seen as she really wants to do psychology I need to look along those lines and make the most of her interest in it

FYI I think she’s bucked her ideas right up I think this could be her new era, I want to keep the momentum going and stay positive - just this morning I was finding it hard to be positive. Feel better now

It’s great that she’s suddenly showing self awareness and wanting to do better. This in itself bodes well for her future.

She is saying she wants to do business studies, or psychology- both areas which could take her onto particular professional paths. I think it’s important that you talk about the reasons she wants to do these, and what she’d like to do with them and get a clearer idea of how she sees her own future.

Encouraging her onto a retail apprenticeship might seem like a good solution right now (and working at New Look might sound fun to her for now) but it isn’t actually what she says she’s interested in.

My younger DSIS was in a very similar position, predicted grades too low to do the A levels she wanted, a poor track record of effort, school not willing to make an exception. My mum panicked and insisted she did a vocational (non-academic) course in an area she wasn’t really interested in just so she’d have some kind of employability. Dsis ended up miserable while her friends took A levels, went to good unis etc. She ended up depressed and with low self esteem in her 20s. In her 30s she managed to get onto a degree and now feels she can hold her head high. But, she’s never forgiven my mum for not having any faith in her ability, assuming she could never do A levels and offering only one solution. In hindsight Dsis could have easily resat her GCSEs and got onto A levels a year later, but no one listened to what she actually wanted. I totally understand mum was doing her best, but that decision blighted my sister’s life.

@Barker26

I’ve actually done 2 Work place apprenticeships (I am employed already so is just additional learning) and this is only because of the apprenticeship levy. The training company I am with now has been nothing but a PITA and another colleague I work with has had a nightmare trying to pass level 2 maths as they haven’t provided any lessons or help. I know you still need a decent level of maths for an apprenticeship. I just worry that things are a bit more unregulated than a college. Not that these are in anything to turn your nose up at

Don't be too discouraged. I didn't even sit my GCSE's.

However, I did see the light and completed an access course and went to uni. I'm now a professional.

It's not all over just yet!

Legally if she doesn’t pass her maths and/or English whatever course or apprenticeships she does she will have to redo them

My sister gained two GCSEs below grade C. She did an NVQ alongside resitting maths and english GCSE , then BTEC, then access course, then degree, and qualified as a teacher. She became a head teacher before she was 30.

Even if GCSE performance is poor, there can still be a future.

As a Mum of two younger children who don't met their potential I just wanted to send you a virtual hug. It's just soooo rubbish.

Hang on in there though. So many options are available to here. Just keeping making it clear that exploring her options is the vital bit. No sitting around doing nowt.