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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked that HQ told me off for swearing?!?

156 replies

XXPowerShield · 11/10/2018 20:24

Not a TAT but will probably be deleted shortly regardless!

Long standing mner (I remember when all this were fields).

The day before yesterday there was a pile on in a single parent thread. It went on and on, real shit sandwich meanness directed at the op. Lots of supportive posters telling the unsupportive sorts to back off and OP rightfully pointed out that there was a lot of good advice too. I pmd OP and decided to report all the crappy posts to HQ so hopefully by morning the OP would have a nice shiny supportive thread to wake up to.

I cut and pasted most of my reports which consisted of "wanker" or "nasty vicious fucker" and got as many as I could before going to bed. It was a pile on, there was a lot.

I got an email from MNHQ yesterday telling me off.

Here it is;

Hi there XXPowerShield,
Thanks for all your reports, we are going to look at that thread now. We might ask the favour, though, that in future you stick to reporting for guidelines that are being broken because while we have no objection to swearing on the boards, 30 or so curse-laden reports weren't that pleasant for our staff to start their day with.
Best,
Hope
MNHQ

I am shocked, in the past when I have apologised for overly verbose sweary reports I have been told not to worry, HQ love the swearing. AIBU to be a bit Hmm at this response? Some of my reports were deleted but loads left standing including such gems as -

knowing that you were in this situation with three kids you decided to have another with someone who was not a DH, a life partner, who was clearly not able to support his child and neither were you.

I'm amazed at how little thought many women put into having babies...often with men they hardly know.

You didn't have to have four children with two deadbeats.

I wouldn't say the system is set up to fail, I would say that being a single mother with four children is intrinsically a losing situation to be in

what I dont get is if they were all wanted how comes the fathers dont bother

you decided to have another child when you already had ...You've made your situation worse,

I wasn't the only one annoyed by the stirrers on the thread (but maybe the only one who reported a bunch of nasty vicious fuckers to HQ).

I weep for humanity after reading some of these replies. ...One question to the benefit bashers do you want to live in Dickensian Britain?

I feel like I have missed a memo but am currently composing my reply to HQ but really how does one respond to the phrase "curse-laden"?!?

OP posts:
madmum5811 · 11/10/2018 22:14

You need a sense of humour to be a mod. The private messages between each other help you to stay sane. The night times are the worst as the wine goes down the insults and reporting goes up. (rolls eyes)

Somerville · 11/10/2018 22:21

I get paid for my job. I don't get paid to receive verbal abuse 30 times in 5 minutes, particularly when the abuse isn't even to do with me personally.

How is it verbal abuse if “the abuse isn’t to do with me personally”? Abusing someone is never on, and Justine should, and does, come down hard on posters who abuse her staff. So saying “fuck you for making that desicion” is abusive. But swearing is not abuse in and of itself. Especially not in context, which is that MN plays up the swearing so much; it’s very much part of the culture on here where even swearing as part of usernames is allowed.

I’m not defending 30 reports or what they were about, because I don’t have a clue and have never reported more than a few times in a day. But that’s not what the email about. It was specifically about swearing in reports and that seems inconsistent. If it’s a rule it should be added to TG.

Schuyler · 11/10/2018 22:27

It was obviously not verbal abuse aimed at HQ but I can see how it came across as forceful.

TwitterQueen1 · 11/10/2018 22:27

BTW round here the curse is another term for period

No shit Sherlock! Grin Grin You really are young aren't you? Take a look here at this Independent article that has found over 5,000 descriptors for periods.

Languages are marvellous and fascinating.

buckeejit · 11/10/2018 22:28

YABU. That was unnecessary & not funny. I love swearing but not that

Somerville · 11/10/2018 22:32

Actually, OP, I’ve decided how I’ll respond if I get told off for swearing in reports. I’d reply, forwarding the email where a mod replied to one of my reports with “don’t be a fucking fun sponge*, Somerville” and ask why it’s one rule for them and another for me.

  • I didn’t take offence - in fact I kept that email because it made me laugh so much.
Original poster
XXPowerShield · 11/10/2018 22:39

oh I love that "a fucking fun sponge", can I use that cos that's genius?

OP posts:
Di11y · 11/10/2018 23:21

I think "Personal attack" is fine. They can read the thread for themselves.

ProfessorMoody · 11/10/2018 23:27

I thought swearing on actual posts was OK too, but apparently I'm too sweary.

I also got a week's ban for calling a dickhead a dickhead Hmm

HappenedForAReisling · 11/10/2018 23:45

So when you said "Wanker" and "nasty vicious fucker" were you calling the people you were reporting those names, or were you quoting what part of their posts offended you?

VanGoghsDog · 11/10/2018 23:49

You sound like a busybody. Couldn't you just have reported one and said the whole thread needs to be looked at in the report you made?

I'm a mod on a totally different site and it pisses me off when people make multiple reports on one thread, just put all your concerns in one report. It's quicker for you too!

ButchyRestingFace · 12/10/2018 04:45

I rarely if ever report. It wouldn’t occur to me to send multiple sweary reports to HQ with no actual explanation for the report. From their PoV, you probably looked like an aggressive, over-invested tit.

“Uncalled for” is good. Grin

Flyaway78 · 12/10/2018 04:53

I pressed report then under reason wrote "wanker" or "nasty vicious fucker", referring to the post I was reporting obviously.

Completely unnecessary for you to add those sweary comments and horrible for the recipient to read. Couldn’t you just have said ‘goady’ or ‘unnecessary mean’???

A580Hojas · 12/10/2018 05:00

Incredible that someone could actually be arsed to report 30 comments in one evening. I doubt I've reported that many in 12 years on Mumsnet.

longwayoff · 12/10/2018 05:04

Ha! I called a particularly unpleasant poster a 'miserable creature'.. that's it. 3 words. No cursing. Nothing else at all. Post deleted and knuckles rapped by MNHQ. Given some of the more interesting and robust descriptors employed by many I was more than a little surprised.

2018Already · 12/10/2018 06:38

YABU. Why are you composing a reply to HQ? Can’t you just accept what you’ve been told? Especially given that the things you reported aren’t actually that bad and the way you did it makes you look silly? I’d be more offended by your swearing too tbh.
(Feel free to report to Mumsnet.)

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/10/2018 07:16

I think you were on your high horse because you didn't like that particular thread Op. The posts you highlighted in your OP that were reported aren't worthy of reporting. I think the thread hit a nerve and you had it on you hence the ridiculous amount of reporting.

2ndbase · 12/10/2018 07:35

Perhaps you need to spend your time on something more productive?

Instacrumb · 12/10/2018 07:56

So when you said "Wanker" and "nasty vicious fucker" were you calling the people you were reporting those names, or were you quoting what part of their posts offended you?

She was calling the posters of those posts she reported the names, which is a bit uneccessary when it's only being seen by mods.

Swearing is fine, doesn't bother me, but if you're trying to get a point across it makes you look like an idiot. Maybe if you're going to take the time to report 30 posts you should just report the thread and ask them to go through it? Maybe stay off AIBU next time too

RickOShay · 12/10/2018 07:58

I think the XX was defending the op, which was probably appreciated by the original op.
Has nobody here ever been roasted?

RickOShay · 12/10/2018 07:59

I think defending somebody’s life choices is a pretty productive use of time actually.

ButchyRestingFace · 12/10/2018 08:09

I think the XX was defending the op, which was probably appreciated by the original op

So I gather, but her relentless 🚽 mouth in reporting the offending posts wasn’t appreciated by the mods.

As others have said, why not report one post and ask mods to take a look through the whole thread?

ElainaElephant · 12/10/2018 08:11

*I thought swearing on actual posts was OK too, but apparently I'm too sweary.

I also got a week's ban for calling a dickhead a dickhead hmm*

Sounds like you got banned for making a personal attack, rather than for swearing Tbh.

And I'm not clear on what happened, but it looks like the op thought it was OK to post comments about people that would not be acceptable on the boards (personal attacks), but send it to mumsnet instead. Criticise the post, not the poster.

AjasLipstick · 12/10/2018 08:14

They're protecting themselves. If they don't say anything then that's like agreeing with you that X is a nasty fucker....not good PR.

ProfessorMoody · 12/10/2018 08:14

Yeah, I guess calling someone a dickhead is a personal attack, but if the cap fits 🤷🏼‍♂️

Also, I've seen so much worse on here. I won't do it again (I'll just do it internally) but it seems a bit overboard in comparison with some of the stuff on here.

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