Teens, swearing and WhatsApp

[Gertiethetightssister]

I regularly spot check DD 12's phone. She is fully aware of this and part of the deal an having the freedom of a smartphone is that I can access it whenever I wish to check she is both safe and appropriate in her behaviour.

Tonight I spot checked and found a group chat in which some appalling language was used. Now, I wasn't born yesterday and I know they all swear but it did take me back at the language used by 12 and 13 year old kids, even the C bomb was dropped.

So I whatsapped the group as her mum and gave them fair warning. The startling thing for me is how easy it is to screenshot, photograph and get them all into huge trouble.

I've told them it is unacceptable language and could be very easily shared with parents and school and that they have been warned.

I know I am not BU because I could have just sent it all straight to the headteacher. But I am alarmed by how naive they are with all the scary tools at their disposal, despite conversations and all the internet safety they teach in school.

I hope they all think twice.

And you say swearing is ok in context, with the right people. Well surely a private chat with your mates is just such s context.

You're back peddling op.

But the kids weren’t doing anything inappropriate - no naked pics, no abusive language - yet you felt the need to issue threats to the group?!! OP maybe you need to ask yourself what point you are trying to make before communicating

Well what an unusual group of teens you know. Your daughter is completely fine and not a bit embarrassed and her friends all took your 'light-hearted' advice on the chin and will change their ways. The perfect outcome. Sounds almost unbelievable 😂

You msgd the group?! Did you want your daughter to grow up despising you?

I have 2 teenage daughter's and they are a nightmare. BUT I pick my battles ffs.

Stop checking her phone and try and build on your trust in her. If you trusted her, you wouldn't be going through her phone.

I'd say its normal teen behaviour to swear, it's a bit like how they show off to each other. My group of friends as a 12/13 year old was the same.
You shouldn't have messaged the group and embarrassed your daughter. And I don't think that if the messages were screenshot and got out that anyone would care.

We have the same rule in place for ds’ aged 13 and 11. I have pulled them both up on language used before, but would never message the other children as a group message. How totally mortifying for your daughter!! How will she ever trust you, or her own judgement, when you’ve done that?

I swear and I have no problem with swearing when used for emphasis rather than as part of everyday language. Generally, I don't swear around kids but I'm not perfect the odd word or phrase has slipped out. DH is less careful...

I told the kids that I know they will swear but gave them a list of people they shouldn't swear in from of - parents, teachers, older relatives, younger relatives, etc. When in public places they should be aware of those around them and consider their language - again, older and younger people. We basically, whittled it down to the playground and peers! Which is why I wouldn't have said anything about the swearing but only if it was spiteful, insulting or offensive.

YABU get a life OP what a horrid thing to do to your own child.

The "new" OP isn't the old OP I'm guessing.

The actual OP probably didn't want to come back

Lots of people complained but hey they don't sound like the nicest group of kids so perhaps she hasn't lost much. I've seen normal chats with the odd swear on from this age and also dreadful swearing, nastiness and a threat of GBH. Time to get on a chat with some nicer friends whose parents are also checking their phones and letting their kids know that other parents will see what they write.

The headteacher?? Seriously?? I work in a school & can honestly tell you the head would NOT want to know about a few sweary messages between teenagers OUT OF SCHOOL TIME on their private phones!! Jesus, they've got enough to do.