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Original poster

Teens, swearing and WhatsApp

136 replies

Gertiethetightssister · 11/10/2018 20:22

I regularly spot check DD 12's phone. She is fully aware of this and part of the deal an having the freedom of a smartphone is that I can access it whenever I wish to check she is both safe and appropriate in her behaviour.

Tonight I spot checked and found a group chat in which some appalling language was used. Now, I wasn't born yesterday and I know they all swear but it did take me back at the language used by 12 and 13 year old kids, even the C bomb was dropped.

So I whatsapped the group as her mum and gave them fair warning. The startling thing for me is how easy it is to screenshot, photograph and get them all into huge trouble.

I've told them it is unacceptable language and could be very easily shared with parents and school and that they have been warned.

I know I am not BU because I could have just sent it all straight to the headteacher. But I am alarmed by how naive they are with all the scary tools at their disposal, despite conversations and all the internet safety they teach in school.

I hope they all think twice.

OP posts:
Whatdoyouknow2 · 12/10/2018 09:15

@strawberrisc

I think you've missed my point. It was to let the op know there is much worse than swearing going on on such sites/apps. I'd let the swearing slide and apologise to my daughter for the embarrassment more than likely caused.

lightlypoached · 12/10/2018 09:21

For fucks sake (please don't tell my mum I wrote that 😂Grin

Redglitter · 12/10/2018 09:23

lightlypoached if we do will she come on here & tell us alll off then threaten to contact MNHQ

TheWiseWomansFear · 12/10/2018 13:11

Your daughters going to have the shit ripped out of her

TheWiseWomansFear · 12/10/2018 13:13

Also why would the head teacher care about swearing in their private conversation

IDoLoveToBeBesideTheSeaside · 12/10/2018 18:00

Surprisingly Gerties hasn't been back. Ah well. Hope her daughter's OK.

SchoolPanicTime · 12/10/2018 18:03

Oh my god sorry OP but my overwhelming reaction is to cringe on behalf of your poor DD!

MorningCuppa · 12/10/2018 18:07

I agree with checking phones but to send a message to the group chat is just embarrassing for your dd, they will probably just remove your dd from group chats now.
I don't think you should have done that.

RedSkyLastNight · 12/10/2018 18:07

By all means have a quiet word with your own child, but agree with others, I have no idea what you hoped to achieve by messaging the group.

One thing you have achieved is that your daughter will no longer be open with her internet behaviour, and will actively hide anything she thinks you might disapprove of. If she does get involved in something worse than swearing with her friends, then she may well not feel comfortable talking to you about it ... is this really what you wanted to achieve?

AngeloMysterioso · 12/10/2018 20:20

How was your DD’s day, OP?

todayisnotthedayy · 12/10/2018 20:31

I doubt OP is returning

gertiethetightsister · 12/10/2018 22:54

Ok, update.

No one hates DD.

No one hates me.

DD is absolutely fine, I am fine and all the kids at school are fine.

The other kids on the chat were made aware of how easily someone else could see what they were saying - or doing - and my comments to them all were made in a light-hearted way to remind them they are all vulnerable to being published or any inappropriate content being shared.

I know they swear, I don't care. I did it at their age but when I was their age there was no bloody internet and if you did something wrong everyone forgot after a few days.

There was no way on this earth I was going to share their conversation with other parents or school but that point is that they THINK they are safe and anonymous and they aren't.

They get it, a couple have apologised and I was surprised by that.

I know most of these kids, they come to my house and eat my food and I am the mum taxi. I don't get involved in the nitty gritty if their lives unless DD asks my advice on something .

I am not an evil overbearing mother from hell. My DD and her friends all know this, so much so, it was not even a worthy topic of discussion at school today.

HTH.

gertiethetightsister · 12/10/2018 23:00

Forgot to mention, she picked up her phone this evening and had missed 279 messages on the next group chat. I CBA to read them but I can bet not one of them says "cunt faced bitch" to another 😁

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 12/10/2018 23:06

I've always had a policy with DS that I didn't want to hear him swearing, if he did it at school and got into trouble it was his own fault and I would expect the punishment to be taken with good grace. Basically I wasn't naive enough to think he wouldn't swear at all with his mates, but he had to know when it was inappropriate. He's 18 now and still doesn't swear in front of us, even though I have said (light heartedly) that now he's an adult I won't tell him off. He accidentally said 'for fucks sake' a few weeks ago when he stopped his phone, and went bright red and apologised Grin

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 12/10/2018 23:07

*dropped not stopped

gertiethetightsister · 12/10/2018 23:14

I swear. I think it has its advantages and a place. But I never swear at my DC. I've gone postal when I've heard her swear at her Dsis (8). And rightly so.

For me it is reminding not just my DD but her friends that they are visible. I am aware sexting and photos and videos happen, I would rather give them a heads up that they are not immune to a huge fuck up. (intended language)

I would rather wade in (in a humorous fashion) than have any of them suicidal because everyone in the school has seen them naked.

It just wasn't a thing when we were kids.

For all the posters who have berated me - please know what your DC are doing and keep them safe.

gertiethetightsister · 13/10/2018 00:36

Come back angry people!

PanchoBarnes · 13/10/2018 01:27

Reallyreallyreally must be another joke thread - and even more brilliant as we're all not sure! Glitterball 🏆

Splurge77 · 13/10/2018 01:34

I’m still cringing but glad there’s no fallout for DD. I don’t really see why kids swearing in private conversations would get them in trouble or why it was necessary for you to say anything (unless there’s a bullying issue?)

I don’t think you handled it well but it seems to have turned out fine.

PanchoBarnes · 13/10/2018 02:24

OK - I'm confused - I looked for highlighted updates from OP, there were none, hence my "joke thread" post...
now I notice it looks like there had been an 'update' from gertiethetightsister
with a lowercase g, rather than the original Gertiethetightssister with a G.
Confused

DownAndUnder · 13/10/2018 02:27

I know they swear, I don't care. I did it at their age but when I was their age there was no bloody internet
But why does it matter if anyone does see it? Nobody would care! Im sure the girls did discuss it today, luckily it looks like they’ve all laughed it off and are carrying on. They sound like good friends.

Your post made me remember the time I tried to prise my fathers fingers from the keyboard as he sent a teenager a very strongly worded message on my msn messenger. To be fair the person had called me names, so it wasn’t totally unreasonable Grin but I was still mortified.

ZanyMobster · 13/10/2018 07:29

Pointless thread. You have completely changed what you were saying in the OP.

UserName31456789 · 13/10/2018 07:35

I'm glad there was no fall out but I still don't see why it was a big deal or why you felt the need to intervene. Kids are bound to want their own space to have private conversations and use colourful language if they want to. As long as they weren't bullying anyone or discussing something illegal it doesn't matter if anyone sees their conversation. I would just let them be.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/10/2018 07:52

I thought the whole point of WhatsApp was that it is private.

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/10/2018 07:54

So we’re expected to believe that OP bollocked a load of random children on her DDs WhatsApp, that they apologised and nobody said anything at all to her DD yesterday. Oh and that it wasn’t in fact a bollocking as previously stated, it was “light hearted”

I call absolute bullshit.