Teens, swearing and WhatsApp

[Gertiethetightssister]

I regularly spot check DD 12's phone. She is fully aware of this and part of the deal an having the freedom of a smartphone is that I can access it whenever I wish to check she is both safe and appropriate in her behaviour.

Tonight I spot checked and found a group chat in which some appalling language was used. Now, I wasn't born yesterday and I know they all swear but it did take me back at the language used by 12 and 13 year old kids, even the C bomb was dropped.

So I whatsapped the group as her mum and gave them fair warning. The startling thing for me is how easy it is to screenshot, photograph and get them all into huge trouble.

I've told them it is unacceptable language and could be very easily shared with parents and school and that they have been warned.

I know I am not BU because I could have just sent it all straight to the headteacher. But I am alarmed by how naive they are with all the scary tools at their disposal, despite conversations and all the internet safety they teach in school.

I hope they all think twice.

Completely right IMHO for checking DD's phone.

But wtaf?! You messaged her friends and told them off? I'd be mortified if I was your DD and you owe her an apology for being such a dick.

I feel so sorry for her! Massive overreaction!

You messaged the group???? Ffs you are worried about swearing when you have effectively handed your daughter to them on a plate to rip the pish out of!

Why would you do this?? And why would you think a headteacher would care??

Is this a joke? Or a reverse?

I feel so sorry for your poor daughter! YWBVU to humiliate her like that.

ooh yes I bet it's a reverse!

I've been tempted to do this with 11yo DS, not so much about swearing but when they're being mean to each other.
Fortunately common sense prevailed and I realised I didn't want to be that parent

Nooooooo. You didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t.

Poor girl, I’m mortified for her!

What in the world!? Have words with your own daughter about the situation but you have absolubtely no right to try and 'warn/tell off'the other teenagers on there.

ooh yes I bet it's a reverse!

I don’t see it. The first post isn’t exactly written in 12 year-old language.

You're poor daughter is going to get so much stick for this.

Hopefully her friends won't kick her out of all groups in case you're lurking about waiting to chastise them again.

I'm mortified for her poor girl

Now they’ll be another group chat, excluding your daughter, saying what a c bomb you are.

This may sum up the new group:

I get that you check her phone, I do the exact same with my DS, he's about to turn 13.

I don't check to be nosy or spy, I check because of the amount of pedophiles there are out there!

Now I've seen swearing in DS phone, and my DD she's 11...but never in my life would I message there friends!! For starters I'm not their parent! Nor would I embarrass my children like that.

Maybe you should have just spoken to your DD face to face? Bit extreme to involve the head teacher, it's of school hours for starters, head teacher would only look into it if it's bullying, and to warn them?

Just wow!

As long as there are vacancies at the school in the next town I'm sure it'll all be fine

I'm head of year 7 and I can't stand parents like you. I couldn't give a shit if your child is swearing on a group chat: it's not taking place in school so why I'm the world would we care?

God, this is so frustrating. Parenting is down to YOU after 3:30pm so please don't use teachers as a threat.

My mum HATES swearing. I am pushing 40 and she still glares at me if I swear mildly. She asks other people not to swear in front of her. She has complained to my elder brother about his language on his Facebook posts. It's one area she is extremely intolerant about. When I was a teen if she'd heard me and my friends use bad language she'd have gone ballistic. I can imagine her doing this if she was a parent in today's age of WhatsApp etc.

I'm not saying I agree, it's totally controlling and cringey. She's only starting to tone it down recently since I became a parent myself and put it back to her more and said it may be her opinion but she cannot tell other people how to speak. Hoping OP sees how awkward this is for her dd. My mum would have banned people from our house for swearing and even as an adult I asked my friends not to swear in front of her up until a couple of years ago. I can see now how strict it was and she has relented but don't be that person for all your daughters teenage years.

Oh. I bet your daughter wanted the ground to swallow her up. 🙈

They will be swearing because teenagers like to push their limits. Next it will be smoking, drinking and then boys. It’s totally normal and unless one of these kids is writing to you or ur daughter saying SHE is a c word then I would leave it. She is probs really embarrassed and will now try harder to hide things from you in the future.

What the actual fuck would you expect the school to do.

You have totally misjudged this op.

And yes, you can kiss goodbye to any meaningful openness now between you and your DD.

So not only will you have destroyed your DDs trust but also all her friendships.

Well done OP.

Man, you have probably just got your daughter excluded from that particular group chat. What makes you think the head teacher would give a stuff about some bad language being used, on a phone, and out with school? Big misjudgement here, OP. I feel sorry for your DD.

Oh god OP. I don't even know what to say.

You just completely humiliated your daughter. What was your actual intention in sending that message??