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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teens, swearing and WhatsApp

136 replies

Gertiethetightssister · 11/10/2018 20:22

I regularly spot check DD 12's phone. She is fully aware of this and part of the deal an having the freedom of a smartphone is that I can access it whenever I wish to check she is both safe and appropriate in her behaviour.

Tonight I spot checked and found a group chat in which some appalling language was used. Now, I wasn't born yesterday and I know they all swear but it did take me back at the language used by 12 and 13 year old kids, even the C bomb was dropped.

So I whatsapped the group as her mum and gave them fair warning. The startling thing for me is how easy it is to screenshot, photograph and get them all into huge trouble.

I've told them it is unacceptable language and could be very easily shared with parents and school and that they have been warned.

I know I am not BU because I could have just sent it all straight to the headteacher. But I am alarmed by how naive they are with all the scary tools at their disposal, despite conversations and all the internet safety they teach in school.

I hope they all think twice.

OP posts:
NoLeslie · 11/10/2018 21:10

I tell my kids I don't want to hear them swearing in front of anyone it might offend, ie teachers or the public. On a private group chat it's fine. When I look at their phones it is to check they aren't being groomed or bullied not to police their language.

I have a friend similar to OP though and it's a shame for her kids as they tend to get left out of things that the others don't want x's mum to know about.

staydazzling · 11/10/2018 21:11

The head teacher!! 😂😂 dont send it ffs he will think youre bellend ! Oh god youre poor daughter.

feathermucker · 11/10/2018 21:11

Trust me, the head teacher does not have the time, or inclination, to worry about swearing on private WhatsApp groups that are......ya know.......out of school.

You've embarrassed your daughter for no good reason. It won't stop them swearing to each other and dropping the dreaded c bomb.

Thatstheendofmytether · 11/10/2018 21:12

Ok I'm sure you did 😏

AngeloMysterioso · 11/10/2018 21:13

Well, you’ve just made your daughter a prime bullying target there OP. I don’t think you’ll need to worry about bad language being used in group messages any more, if I were her friend I’d never text her again if I thought you were going to read them too.

YeTalkShiteHen · 11/10/2018 21:14

Are you happy with yourself now OP? That you’ve just absolutely mortified your child, opened her up to mocking and bullying and quite probably social exclusion too?

Fucks sake. Think about your kid instead of being “right”, because it’s her who will have to cope with what you’ve done, not the other kids.

Morgan12 · 11/10/2018 21:14

I can't believe you have done this to your daughter. Were you born yesterday ffs.

shamofamockery · 11/10/2018 21:16

Could've sent it all to the headteacher? Wow. Lovely parenting OP. Poor kid, she'll remember that for many, many years. What a sad own goal.

holycityzoo · 11/10/2018 21:16

Sweet Jesus your poor poor daughter, Why just why would you do that!?

hestia2018 · 11/10/2018 21:16

Surely this is a reverse....
My daughter said - ‘please don’t do that to me mum!!’
I also check DD12s phone occasionally, and have warned her about swearing on her WhatsApp status (because family are on it) but I am not bothered about swearing on the group chats she has with friends. That’s what teenagers do! And surely the teachers have better things to be doing?

A couple of years ago I did have to raise it with school, because on a class chat there was offensive racist language, but in that case it wasn’t the swearing that was the issue it was the very offensive remarks directed at certain children so I felt it important the school were aware.

As for some regular swearing on a teens chat group? Not a big deal.

freddiemercury · 11/10/2018 21:20

There is a delete for all button....press it please....quickly....

NotACleverName · 11/10/2018 21:24

I'm amused that you think the headteacher will give a flying fuck that students are swearing in a Whatsapp group.

If this is for real, you've made yourself look like a right c-bomb here.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 11/10/2018 21:26

I agree with a previous poster, your poor daughter.

Onemorewonthurt · 11/10/2018 21:28

Oh god that's awful Grin

CRINGEEE Grin

FruitofAutumn · 11/10/2018 21:30

on the off chance this is real- why shouldn't they swear?

PumpkinKitty82 · 11/10/2018 21:36

Now if these were 9/10 year olds I’d maybe agree with you but they’re in high school now and if it’s only swearing you have to worry about then you’re pretty lucky

Yellowflowersgreengrass · 11/10/2018 21:46

I teach teenagers. I am literally cringing for your poor daughter. They swear, they just have to learn when it is appropriate to swear. Adults swear. Trust me, of all the teenage issues I deal with this is the least concerning.

I think it is wonderful that your daughter trusts you and let’s you look at her phone. That thoughtless message you sent will now ensure that she never trusts you again (well, until she hits maybe 25!). It was very poor to bulldoze in there and do that. An open and honest chat about social media etc would have kept the trust between you.

As for threatening them with the school, I think you will find that swearing on WhatsApp groups is for you parents to deal with (if it must be) and not the school.

ZanyMobster · 11/10/2018 21:51

Oh dear. Lucky it wasn't a teenage DS, I suspect their 'banter' is probably even worse. As long as they are not swearing in front of adults then I can't see the issue.

I have a 12yo DS, I often send him memes that have the odd swear word in, I don't swear when talking to him though. Its just different on text/WhatsApp.

Mossend · 11/10/2018 21:52

Oh my goodness. I am cringing on your dd's behalf.

I'm sure many parents would love to swap places with you if all you have to worry about on your DD's phone is teenagers swearing.

I think you owe her a massive apology

ZanyMobster · 11/10/2018 21:52

Btw I do check DSs phone regularly and if there is anything inappropriate I would say to him or at least heavily hint at it.

Vonvon222 · 11/10/2018 21:55

Oh god, your poor daughter, you have totally embarrassed her.
Why is it a school issue though?

MadeForThis · 11/10/2018 22:24

Your poor daughter. Did anyone reply?

Studentnurse1981 · 11/10/2018 22:26

Omg your poor daughter

IDoLoveToBeBesideTheSeaside · 11/10/2018 22:26

What planet do you live on that humiliating your teenage daughter in front of her peer group - in writing - is good parenting?

It was a cruel and thoughtless thing to do to her. You do realise they will kick her from the group and then joke about her behind her back? You're meant to protect her, not make her life harder.

buckeejit · 11/10/2018 22:31

YABU. Hope you manage to smooth things over OP