Teens, swearing and WhatsApp

[Gertiethetightssister]

I regularly spot check DD 12's phone. She is fully aware of this and part of the deal an having the freedom of a smartphone is that I can access it whenever I wish to check she is both safe and appropriate in her behaviour.

Tonight I spot checked and found a group chat in which some appalling language was used. Now, I wasn't born yesterday and I know they all swear but it did take me back at the language used by 12 and 13 year old kids, even the C bomb was dropped.

So I whatsapped the group as her mum and gave them fair warning. The startling thing for me is how easy it is to screenshot, photograph and get them all into huge trouble.

I've told them it is unacceptable language and could be very easily shared with parents and school and that they have been warned.

I know I am not BU because I could have just sent it all straight to the headteacher. But I am alarmed by how naive they are with all the scary tools at their disposal, despite conversations and all the internet safety they teach in school.

I hope they all think twice.

I know I am not BU because I could have just sent it all straight to the headteacher.

^This is really what makes me think this is BS. You posted in AIBU about something you know YANBU about? Ok then.

Don't think so, try again next week 😂

Your daughter is going to be thrilled tomorrow when she goes into school to find that someone screenshot your message, printed it, and stuck it up all over the school. And she’ll have you to thank as the architect of her humiliation.

Thing is though, you've taken her to task in such a strong (and slightly bonkers) way over this, you've really drawn your battle lines.

Do you think this will make her trust you to tell you the big stuff that might worry her?

She's not exactly going to feel like you've got her back.

That poor child. You really ought to be ashamed of yourself.

She will grow up and never forget how her trusted parent would interfere in her personal life. The kids at school will never let her hear the end of this.

Oh my fucking god, your daughter will get shit for that what a horrible mum you are.
Sorry about the swearing but this has to be a joke.

@strawberrisc comment has blown me out of the water😭😂 your poor daughter! I hope you know you'll have the mickey taken out of you as their inside joke forever, every time someone swears how funny

Oh this is awful. Your poor daughter will be mortified. What on earth possessed you?!

This could have been a good opportunity to discuss appropriate language with your daughter, but it sounds like you’ve embarrassed her and discouraged her from approaching you next time.

Omg this can’t be real? Surely no parent could be this stupid?

Looks like you’ve got the message that what you did was inappropriate and embarrassing.
The point is what are you going to learn from it?
You have probably destroyed your dds trust and potentially knackered her friendship group.
You’ve got to find away back from this

Can I suggest that you talk to your daughter ASAP. Tell her you now realise that you over reacted and feel mortified that you may have totally embarrassed her. Tell her to please apologise to her friends today that you are very sorry and can you offer them all a cinema trip with as many sweets as they can eat! You have to apologise ASAP to minimise the hurt and try and offer some sort of treat to show you are sincere.

That's hilarious I can't believe you've actually done this op! Although I wouldn't be worried about it anymore as I'm sure they'll all heed your strong words and never swear again! Or they'll just kick you dd out of the group chat. Don't take it to the school they don't care, or not bullying etc and quite frankly they've got better rubbish to worry about.

I'd be careful though you've probably dented your dds trust somewhat and kids are VERY good at hiding stuff from overbearing parents.

Also I know I'm not BU because I could have just sent it all straight to the head teacher

YABU!

How did you add yourself to the group chat? Unless you did it as your daughter??

Swearing gets ignored here - although I was a bit shocked when I first saw some of their language!

Save the proper kick off for something that requires it...oh, and I wouldn't have messaged the group, your poor DD!

Btw OP, do you not remember being that age? Swearing is a rite of passage at 12/13. You discover these adult words and use them as much as possible to appear grown up. We all used to swear like sailors at that age. She's clearly only doing it amongst her peer group and not in front of you, teachers or other adults, so it's completely normal behaviour. You have massively overreacted and if your reaction is like this with swearing, she's never going to come to you with anything for fear of how you'll react. You'll end up with a very secretive child and it will be completely your own fault.

I had a mother a bit like you and she opened a letter written to me by my friend. It was littered with words like 'twat', 'fuck', 'cunt' etc and she went stratospheric and called the mother of my friend and created a giant shit storm. I was absolutely humiliated and hated her for it. The sad thing was that we were good kids. We just thought we were cool and grown up using those words. It was completely unnecessary and didn't do anything to stop us talking like that. It just made me pull away from my mother even more and I was always being accused of being secretive. Hell yes, with a mother like that of course I was!!

Does 'c bomb' mean cunt?

Did ye, aye?

I sometimes wonder if some parents were ever teenagers themselves or have totally forgotten what it is like. It is completely normal to push boundaries and to do and say things to appear more grown up. It is part of the developmental process of becoming an adult.

Going completely against the grain here, but I really don’t think what you did is that big a deal. Everyone’s got a bit hysterical here.

Reminding them that parents can read the pages and pages of utter drivel isn’t a bad thing.

I’ve seen my DD say ‘my mum sees this’ when someone’s said something they shouldn’t have done.

Just because it’s social media doesn’t mean boundaries don’t apply.

I am known as an over protective parent in my D.C. friendship group but I am not an interfering over reactor. If I find something or have something to worry about I will talk to my children about it not threaten and reprimand their friends

I know I am not BU because I could have just sent it all straight to the headteacher

And a group of teenagers chatting in a Whats App group is the headteachers business how exactly?? .

Strawberrisc, that's going to be my earworm for the day now

Wanders off singing on Monday she's a bitch,
on Tuesday she's a bitch,
on Wednesday to Saturday she's a bitch
Then on Sunday, just to be different,
she's a super King Kamehameha bi-atch!

Seriously though OP, what the fuckity fuck have you done. You might be seeing the head alright, but because your DD has been ostracised by her friends!

Swearings nothing. A relative checked her 12 year olds daughters whatsapp and found a group in which another 12 year old girl (school friend) was posting basically nude pics. Safe to say she is now banned from such sites.

@YouBetterWork. Genius in its simplicity! 😀

@Whatdoyouknow2 nobody is disputing checking phones for that very reason.

Mum texting a mostly harmless group to tell them off is just ridiculous.